Trump Is Still Trying To Make The Travel Ban Happen

The Trump Administration is still all about trying to make this “travel ban” thing happen, despite the disastrous rollout of Travel Ban 1.0 earlier this year. Now, much like a child who pissed his pants during class, Trump is looking for a second chance at making life harder for Muslims traveling to America with a new and improved (depends on how you define “improve”) travel ban that is less likely to be immediately set on fire by the courts. Unlike the OG ban, the new version does not include Iraq, because I guess somebody told the president it’s not a good look to spend eleven years fucking up a country and then ban that country’s people from coming to yours, but does still include Iran, Yemen, Syria, Libya, Somalia and Sudan from obtaining visas for at least 90 days. The new ban also removed language that indefinitely banned Syrian refugees and prioritized Christians over Muslims fleeing war-torn countries. So I guess the Christians will have to just wait until they arrive in America before receiving their preferential treatment.

Instead, the order suspends admission of refugees for 120 days while U.S officials can implement their “extreme vetting” program, whatever tf that actually means. The ban also no longer includes green card holders, meaning the hot Iranian transfer in your econ class is safe (and sexy.) 

real housewives hallelujah


The biggest difference between the original ban and the new version, aside from the fact that it fucks over slightly less people, is that it was actually written by lawyers and not Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Dumbass, known in political circles as “Steve Bannon” and “Stephen Miller.” As you may recall, the original travel ban was a full-on legal shitshow because, as the president now knows, lawyers are a really important part of writing laws. 

the more you know


The new travel ban will go into effect March 16th. I guess the drunks in the Trump Admin (coughSTEVEBANNONcough) don’t want any immigrants showing up and ruining their St. Patrick’s day with their immigrant concerns like “safety” and “living in a house.” So like, is this travel ban better? Well, depends on how you define “better.” Is eating a cup of shit better than eating two cups of shit? Sure. But you’re still eating shit. So yeah, this new travel ban is basically the same as eating a cup of shit….every day….for four years… 

starz shit sandwich

Remind me how this makes America great, again? 

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.