As someone who hates scary things, I’ve learned to embrace Halloween as an outlet for my sexuality rather than as an outlet to pee my pants in a haunted house. I mean, dressing up in a sexy costume is basically role play but with less kink-shaming.
And I’m not alone in this epiphany! According to a survey of 2,000 singles conducted by the dating app Pure, one in five adults plans to dress sexy this Halloween in an effort to get laid. Costumes can add a level of anonymity, which is both a turn-on and perfect for that murder mystery party your least favorite friend throws every year.
Despite what Big Pumpkin would have us believe, Halloween is an adult holiday and should be celebrated as such. Whether it’s acting out a sexual fantasy (hello, Princess Leia in the golden bikini) or finding your soulmate on the spookiest day of the year (20% have started a relationship with someone they met on Halloween), dressing in a slutty little polyester outfit that comes with its own flammability warning should be the goal.
And as a bisexual, I have a finely tuned eye for sexy costumes regardless of gender, so I’ve gathered the sexiest costumes to wear according to very serious data. Because someone has to say it: No one wants to fuck Freddy Krueger.
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Catwoman
Lit-er-ally nothing is sexier than black latex. Shimmy on a skintight jumpsuit and start meowing at anyone who tries to talk to you. Guys love that.
What you’ll need:
- Cat ears
- Black jumpsuit (preferably with a lot of exposed skin)
- Claws/ Really long nails
Harley Quinn
Being delulu is kinda hot when you’re Harley Quinn. The kinky, free-spirited anti-hero is dripping in sexual energy, so throw your hair in some pigtails and try something new in bed. (Tip: Make it a couples costume by forcing your lover to dress up as Poison Ivy or the Joker.)
What you’ll need:
- Pink and blue hair dye (or a wig, if you’re lazy)
- White powder face make-up
- Baseball tee you don’t mind ripping up a little
- Accessories: Baseball bat and bisexuality
Nurse
A classic for a reason, it lets you dress up as a widely respected profession without any of the gross job tasks. Hot!
What you’ll need:
- Low-cut mini dress
- Nurse headpiece
- White stockings
- Stethoscope for listening to people’s heartbeat fast when they see you in this outfit!
Lara Croft
Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft in Tomb Raider was a sexual awakening for many. Simply throw your hair back in a braid and strap on your gun holsters. But be prepared to get into a debate with a video game nerd who thinks, “Jolie didn’t do the character justice.”
What you’ll need:
- The tiniest cargo shorts you can find
- Sweat-stained tank top
- Combat boots
- Lip filler treatment
Jessica Rabbit
If you had a crush on Simba in The Lion King, you are not allowed to judge my intense attraction to a cartoon woman who married a bunny.
What you’ll need:
- Red sparkly strapless dress
- Purple gloves
- Big titties
Gladiator
A gladiator’s main job is being incredibly sexual. I read it in a history book once. (Or maybe I just watched the movie 300.)
What you’ll need:
- Gladiator shoes
- Red cape
- Sword and/or shield
- Six-pack (either abs or Bud Light)
Batman
Robert Pattinson as an emo rich kid is my entire type, so I will be keeping an eye out for moody goth bros this Halloween.
What you’ll need:
- Money and/or dead parents
- Black charcoal
- A cape
Police Officer
I know! Ew, right? But think of it more like a police officer stripper.
What you’ll need:
- A badge to stop people for being too sexy
- Aviator sunglasses
- Dark blue uniform
- Handcuffs (preferably the furry kind)
Indiana Jones
Normally, I stay away from men in fedoras because it gives off theater kid energy, but I will make an exception if it’s to recreate Harrison Ford in his heyday.
What you’ll need:
- Fedora
- Lasso
- Brown leather jacket
- Satchel full of stolen treasure from ancient civilizations (Imperialism, yay!)
Superman
Personally, I’m more interested in Clark Kent because I love a man in glasses. The bigger the prescription, the better, if you know what I mean.
What you’ll need:
- A blue shirt with a big “S” on it
- Thick-rimmed glasses
- White button-up shirt
- Journalism degree
