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Ranking 'Real Housewives' Music From Cringe To Actual Bangers

Many of the lovely women from the Real Housewives franchises have tried to make it in the music industry. Some housewives have some prior musical experience, while others got into it after their claim to fame (and boy, is it obvious). Despite the many flops Housewives have put out, some are certified bangers, even if that means you put them on just to giggle a little bit. Out of the sea of cringeworthy Housewives songs, here are a few you might actually want to add to a playlist.

10. “Coffee and Love” by Ashley Darby

Considering this song was written for Ashley’s extremely-questionable-now-estranged-husband Michael Darby, who was also featured in the music video, it did not age very well. The song is pretty catchy as the lyrics are very repetitive and the auto-tune is auto-tuning, but the effort is there and the song encapsulates Ashley’s bubbly personality. 

Ranking: 2/10  

9. “On Display” by Melissa Gorga

Despite being one of the most heavily featured songs on Bravo, “On Display” is overall pretty monotone compared to some of Melissa’s other songs. (Sorry, just being honest.) The lyrics talk about the pressure of fame, but Melissa said she wrote the tune before she was even cast on RHONJ. Manifestation I guess? This song will immediately take you back to the OG RHONJ days and when the chorus comes in, you are kind of forced to sing along. 

Ranking: 3/10 

8. “Google Me” by Kim Zolciak-Biermann

In her delulu era like the rest of us, Kim was convinced she had the chops to be a pop icon when everyone else around her saw otherwise. “Google Me” references her relationship with her ex-sugar daddy Big Poppa (iykyk) and to say that Kim is singing on the track would be a stretch — she is most definitely speaking the lyrics. The words “Google Me” are repeated probably 50 times and I really wonder how Google feels about the song, but it’s a fun listen even if you do so ironically. 

Ranking: 4/10

7. “Real Close” by Danielle Staub

This is the only ballad on this list because the Housewives are not known for their vocal talent, but I must say, Danielle surprised me here. Debuting the duet on Watch What Happens Live with her rumored partner at the time, Lori Michaels, these two gave impressive harmonies and dare I say, sultry smooth vocals. Even Andy looked shocked that Danielle pulled it off. Lori definitely carried most of the song, but the chemistry between these two is apparent and it is nice to see a softer side of the tumultuous Danielle. 

Ranking: 5/10

6. “Gone With the Wind Fabulous” by Kenya Moore

“You say I’m fake, I say I’m fabulous. You say I’m old, I say I’m fabulous.” Such simple yet eloquent lyrics from Kenya’s dance track. Kenya was being playful with this song, referencing the iconic line she said in season 5 of RHOA, and we love a queen who doesn’t take herself too seriously! So easy to sing along to considering it’s really just her talking, this song is perfect when you need to hype yourself up a little bit. 

Ranking: 5/10

5. “Chic, C’Est La Vie” by Luann de Lesseps

The Countess will take any opportunity to prove that she speaks French and that is exactly what she did in this dance/electronic song. With lyrics that are oddly encouraging, this would hit on your “getting ready” playlist. My personal favorite part is the bridge when she name-drops all of her RHONY castmates and I’m not sure which I like better, the music video featuring awkward sequences of Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimon or Luann’s performance on WWHL where she sassily sings a Moroccan remix of the tune on a chaise.

Ranking: 6/10 

4. “Tardy For the Party” by Kim Zolciak-Biermann

Kim redeemed herself with this one. Despite her mediocre vocals, she actually sings on this track and the lyrics are just so good. The song is so catchy, it inspired the name for Kim’s spinoff show “Don’t Be Tardy” and played as the intro song. If this song is played at the club, I am most certainly shaking ass to it and I expect you to as well. 

Ranking: 7/10

3. “I Just Wanna” by Melissa Gorga 

Even as someone who is team Teresa in the Giudice-Gorga feud, I have to give credit where credit is due on this one.  “I Just Wanna” is very reflective of the dance-pop era of music in 2013 when the song was released. Melissa is definitely trying to bring out her inner JLo in this (whether she is successful in that or not is up to interpretation). The song also features an Enrique Iglesias dupe and is a great song to put on when feeling nostalgic for the early 2010s. 

Ranking: 8/10 

2. “XXPEN$IVE” by Erika Jayne

I will start off by saying that Erika definitely has an advantage over the other housewives as she had a somewhat established music career before joining the RHOBH cast, but I would be doing this list injustice by not including “XXPEN$IVE” in the ranking. The production quality is giving high-budget and the lead-up to the chorus is kind of epic. This song embodies exactly who Erika Jayne is: a high-maintenance boss who knows what she wants. 

Ranking: 9/10

1. “Money Can’t Buy You Class” by Luann de Lesseps 

This song single-handedly set the standard for Housewife music upon its release in 2010. If anyone is going to tell you how to be classy, it’s the Countess, the epitome of etiquette. As a testament to how good Luann’s songs really are, she is still selling out venues for her Cabaret Tour. This will always be a classic Bravo tune and truly has such an important message!

Ranking: 10/10. No notes. 

Jolie Zenna
Jolie Zenna
Jolie Zenna is a senior at Syracuse University studying digital journalism. She spends her free time binge-watching reality TV, gossiping with her friends and lives off of Trader Joe’s microwavable meals.