Announcing your engagement on Instagram is kind of like drunkenly eating your roommate’s leftovers. Everyone’s going to hate you for it, it really only benefits you, and no matter how emojis you load in there, there’s no right way to word it. I have absolutely no solid advice on how you should tell your roommate that you ate 1,800 calories worth of her chicken parm from the Cheesecake Factory, or how to properly caption your perfectly filtered engagement announcement Instagram. However, I do have a lot opinions on how not to do that, and I will share them all here. Use one of these overused engagement captions, and I guarantee you’ll end up as a screenshot in a group chat filled with those girls from your sorority who don’t really know you, but are still hoping for an invite.
I mean… numbers don’t lie. As of the moment I am writing this article, there are 1,286,646 posts with the #isaidyes hashtag. This is the go-to engagement announcement caption for anyone who wants to potentially get reposted by some kind of engagement account, but is too lazy to think of a real caption or just wants to pretend to be low-key about the announcement. As a general rule of thumb, if it’s a Shoshanna Shapiro line, it’s only a good caption if used sarcastically.
2. Does This Ring Make Me Look Engaged?
I’ll admit that I definitely laughed to myself (aka pushed a slightly abnormal amount of air out of my nose) the first time I saw this on a mug at Home Goods like, five years ago, but now that this shit has been overused a trillion times, it’s basically the “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22” of engagement captions. Plus, it’s kind of shady to make it all about the ring. At least pretend to be into your fiancé for the Insta.
3. Whipping Out The Wedding Hashtag Way Too Soon
I know we’ve all generated a wedding hashtag for the hypothetical wedding of every male who’s ever reciprocated eye contact, but you can’t let your crazy show just because you’re finally engaged and think you’re safe now. You’re not. Hide the crazy until at least the second day of the honeymoon. I don’t care if you’ve had the perfect hashtag since your first
hookup date; you can’t reveal it on the engagement announcement Insta. Don’t give me a whole thing about how you’re creating your wedding brand by doing this, unless your brand is insane.
4. Any Caption That Requires Me To Press “See More”
Uh, sorry to break it to you, but if you have to type the caption in a note in your phone, you’re doing too much. Nobody is going to read it, and nine times out of 10, there are mad spelling and grammar mistakes anyway. Instagram is for photos of açai bowls and thirst traps. Save the long, drawn out, sappy shit for your vows.
5. This Weekend, Surrounded Only By Our Closest Family And Friends…
The absolute WORST way to announce your engagement on social media is to actually just skip it and announce that you got secretly married. How am I supposed to creep every single aspect of your wedding planning process if you’re going to just say “fuck it” and get eloped? Ugh. I need to see everything from how you proposed to your bridesmaids, to the group shot in front of Kleinfeld to the selfie you took after your makeup trial. Please, think of your followers when deciding whether to elope. If you’re going to, please give us the courtesy of a retroactive album of Facebook photos, at the VERY least.
Images: Carly Rae Hobbins / Unsplash; Giphy (3)