In honor of the 25th anniversary of The Parent Trap, insider sources have just revealed the bombshell prenup agreement between the film’s OG gold digger Meredith Blake and her fiancé, Napa wine mogul and total DILF Nick Parker.
It appears Meredith and her legal team (aka her sorority’s treasurer) made hefty revisions to the document in a last-ditch attempt to secure copious funds in the days before the wedding.
So throw on some Nat King Cole, rip open a pack of Oreos, and dive into this exclusive and salacious behind the scenes content.
PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT
I. THE PARTIES.
This Prenuptial Agreement (“Agreement”) made this July 15, 1998 is to create a pre-marital arrangement between the following:
Husband: Nicholas Parker , (“Husband”) and Wife: Meredith Blake , (“Wife”).
II. MINOR CHILDREN.
The Couple recognizes that there are: (check one)
☐ No Minor Children of either the Husband or Wife.
☒ _2_ Minor Children being brought into the marriage. These lunatics have already tried to waterboard me. Calling them “children” is a misnomer — they should be tried in court as adults for their war crimes.
The Minor Children are: (check all that apply)
☐ From the Couple.
☒ From the Husband.
☐ From the Wife. Like I’d ever risk this tummy tuck.
III. GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE.
This Agreement shall remain in effect only if the grounds for Divorce are due to the following: (check all that apply)
☒ Irreconcilable Differences. Irreconcilable difference numero uno: hikes don’t count as vacation. It’s the White Lotus in Monaco or bust.
☒ Adultery by: (check one)
☒ Husband
☐ Wife I will not be gaslit by this check box!!!
☐ Either Spouse
☒ Prison sentence of more than _2_ year(s), suspended or not suspended. My friend Kris’ ex is an amazing lawyer, so I think I’ll be gucci!
☒ Alcoholism/Drug Addiction of any legal or illegal substance. Darling, we own a vineyard. Let’s be practical.
☒ Other. Husband’s offspring fail to be enrolled in full-time boarding school and/or a one-way mission to populate Mars.
IV. SPOUSAL SUPPORT (ALIMONY).
In the event of Divorce, the Couple agrees that: (check one)
☒ There Shall Be Spousal Support starting on the 1st day of the month following either Spouse filing a petition for Divorce. The ☒ Husband ☐ Wife (“Paying Spouse”) shall pay to ☐ Husband ☒ Wife (“Receiving Spouse”):
☒ In Perpetuity, payments of $ 50,000 shall be due on the 1st of each month until either Spouse’s death (“Spousal Support”). This is what Princess Diana received after divorcing from Charles, and as many have commented throughout the years, our auras are remarkably similar. It seems only apt!
V. BANK ACCOUNTS.
After entering into a legal marriage, the Couple agrees that: (check one)
☐ Each Spouse shall retain and keep their own bank accounts.
☒ All funds from each Spouse’s bank accounts shall be transferred to a joint bank account. What’s mine is yours, baby!! All $27 dollars of it.
VI. MARITAL HOME.
At the time of writing this Agreement:
The ☒ Husband ☐ Wife ☐ Couple Owns a residence.
In the event of Divorce, the Marital Home shall be owned by the: (check one)
☐ Couple (jointly) ☐ Husband ☒ Wife The house staff basically views me as family at this point. It would be cruel to rob them of my warm presence and leadership.
VII. FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE.
A. Husband’s Property & Assets:
- Superyacht
- First-edition Hemingway collection
- American Express Black Card
B. Wife’s Property & Assets:
- Abandoned Wendy’s franchise in Pasadena
- Chanel Gabrielle Bag (Canal Street Edition)
- 7x Tubes of MAC Russian Red lipstick (discontinued, v rare)
VIII. SIGNATURES
Husband’s Signature: ________________________
Wife’s Signature: Meredith Blake
Hi babe, need your quick John Hancock on these. . .and then maybe I can put MY hand on YOUR cock if you know what I’m saying. XOXO Mer
