Emma
Sharpe

The college stars who are already 10x cooler than you’ll ever be 

What are you bringing to the cookie swap?

Are you the Headache Hottie or the Social Climber?

Freddie Falcon, I am watching you.

We can't wait to get our hands on Anna's tweet drafts.

Your guide to joining in on those happy hour conversations.

It feels like everyone and their mother is living their best White Lotus life this summer in Europe, and now, you can feel jealous that you’re not in Paris and that you’re not Coco Gauff.  The 2024 Paris Olympics begin on Friday, July 26th, and Team USA boasts a ludicrously capacious roster of female talent — the gymnastics team has not one but two Olympic all-around gold medalists in Simone Biles and Suni Lee, swimmer Katie Ledecky returns to add to her collection of 10 Olympic medals, and track star Sha’Carri Richardson is poised for a supersonic comeback.  These women are superhuman, and while they may seem anything but relatable to us as they flip through the air and launch over hurdles while we sit in our pajamas eating Doritos, at the end of the day, they have some girlypop tendencies just like the rest of us!  To get to know these athletes ahead of cheering them on this summer, we created Official Betches Olympic trading cards, so you can form a personal bond in knowing that you have the same favorite lip gloss as an Olympic long jumper. (Warning: this can and will make you depressed that you’re not doing the “Apple” dance with these gals at the Olympic Village).  Our 2024 Olympics Trading Cards Are Here, Betch: Simone Biles Coco Gauff Sha'Carri Richardson Jessica Pegula Katie Ledecky Suni Lee Nelly Korda Rose Lavelle Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone Trinity Rodman Tara Davis-Woodhall A'ja Wilson Sabrina Ionescu Ilona Maher  

Nannies are out. Mommy Concierges are in. 

Super excited about my garden salad with no dressing.

The medicine cabinet is the notes app of the bathroom.

We are 99% sure this is what her notes app looks like

Because she’s not a hot girl if she doesn’t have a dairy intolerance. 

Settling the great debate.

"Freckle" has a cute ring to it.

Did not expect to love this movie this much...

"Promotion of my ethical jam company"

Why was every 2000s show a 13-year-old brat behaving badly?

Yes, we even included Nick and Vanessa.

"You know what you did!"

“Throws chair at a 9-year-old and calls her mom a lying whore.”

Obviously, Ramen is the HBIC.

This season is utter chaos.

To give the next generation an appreciation of what society was like in the olden times.

Reason #1: She’s horny AF.

Justin Timberlake walked so Joe Jonas could run.  

Lucy def went to UCLA.

Per my last email...

Hannah Chen, a 28-year-old Madewell floor manager, made her fiancè Matt’s day when she suggested they swap out their Sunday afternoon Target & Starbucks run for the Kansas City Chiefs’ game.

Studies have shown men are attracted to people who look like them, so the goal is to look as clownish as possible.

Why did every rom-com growing up make it seem like “writer” was the most exciting job you could have?

In this presentation, I will...

Sign up today for a free consultation!

Please get these two out of Disneyland asap pls.

Walk around NYC sweaty and shirtless like Jeremy Allen White.

Make him see, conquer, and come. ;)

“Another day pretendin’ I’m older than I am” = Psyching yourself up to call the doctor’s office. 

What's the difference between lip oil and lip plumper? 

I learned invaluable lessons, like how to activate Slack on your phone so no one knows you're out to lunch.

12:35 PM: Sneak a Cadbury Egg when no one is looking

The Grinch? Ben Stiller in 'Zoolander'? Lucius Malfoy after Dobby gets the sock???  

Colleen Ballinger's "Toxic Gossip Train" could deadass go platinum.

"Divorce Meghan. This is a no brainer, lol."

My goal for next year is to strategically leverage a greater number of sick days.

Please stop using lemons as decor.

"Babe, do you want anything from the merch stand?"

YES, CHEF.

I regret to inform you I won't be spending $5,000 as part of your I Do Crew.

Was there a Notes app statement? Inside sources? A saucy remark to TMZ??

The royalTEA is piping hot.

Rebekah, since you had to sleep on a pool chair, you can subtract $30.