Have you ever scrolled through TikTok and thought, “Wow, I wish more people shut the fuck up about the intimate details of their lives”? No? Just me? That’s okay.
I love TikTok. And I, too, am guilty of getting invested in the personal lives of strangers I have never and will never meet. But this era of “loud breakups” doesn’t sit right with me. Making a statement with your now-ex on camera, answering questions about why you’ve decided to “go separate ways,” or making a “GRWM to break up with my boyfriend” video — these are all deranged activities IMO, and I’d like to see fewer of them on my FYP.
“Loud breakups” are exactly what they sound like — people being extremely forthcoming about their recent splits, usually unprovoked. And it’s becoming more popular than you might think. Videos under the search “I broke up with my boyfriend” have more than 210 million views on TikTok. And don’t get me started on the “breakup outro” that is essentially a trending handshake where teens going off to college agree to break up… on camera. And while in some cases, audiences eat up the story line, (where would we be without Reesa Teesa?) in other cases, they feel like they’re learning a bit too much (hi, Austin McBroom).
@camrynp111 1 and a half years. #breakup #outro #sad #worstdayever ♬ EPIC OUTRO MUSIC – frijolito474
As a sex and dating writer, I know firsthand how important different mediums can be for processing major life events — especially breakups. Breakups fucking suck, and sharing the experience online has definitely been a huge part of how I heal and move forward. Expression is cool! Being vulnerable on social media can also be really cathartic! Do you know what I think is super uncool and also just really fucking weird? Recording a video of yourself crying about your breakup, editing it, and then posting it online for people to see. We are letting the public know too much about our personal lives.
Sure, when celebrity couples break up, they typically put out a statement letting the public know the “decision was mutual.” I hate to break it to you, but — unless you were in a torrid affair with a Royal or are involved in another Bachelor Nation split — you are just a regular person! Celebs make announcements because tabloids will speculate otherwise and there are millions of people harassing them for answers every day. But for everyone else? No one is waiting on a break down post about why it didn’t work out between you and that person you dated for six months.
Announce your breakup the good ole’ fashioned way — delete all traces of them from your social media and let people wildly speculate. What happened to mystery and intrigue? The fun of witnessing a breakup on social media is mostly in making up theories on why someone’s relationship crashed and burned. You recording mascara running down your face and giving me a play-by-play on how your ex did you dirty? You’re taking all of my enjoyment out of this.
@rasclartheidz atleast the food slapped #fyp #date #gonewrong #brakeup ♬ original sound – heidi 🎱
To be fair, I appreciate it when people are real on social media. So much content is about posting the best version of yourself to make other people jealous. So it is refreshing when people have moments of honesty when something doesn’t work out for them. But we are overdoing it with the loud breakups. Social media followers do not deserve to know every single minute detail about the end of your relationship. People are mean (me included) and that video that you painstakingly edited to give your “viewers” an in on the inner workings of your failed relationship? They’re making fun of it!
Breakups are really hard and inviting a whole audience to give their opinion on something you’re going through is not normal. Whatever validation you’re looking for, I promise you can find it if you just pull up to your best friend’s house with a pint of cookies and cream. So just put down the camera and back away very, very slowly. I’m begging you.
@betches Oversharing is on its way to becoming a new niche 😫 #oversharing #oversharer #oversharingontiktok #bringbacksecrets #bringbacksecretsandshame ♬ original sound – Betches
