Jax Taylor & Brittany Cartwright Officially Broke Up

Vanderpump Rules fans, the day we’ve been waiting for for years has finally arrived. No, I don’t mean the season 6 premiere, although it does feel like I’ve been awaiting it for years. No. Jax and Brittany broke up. Anyone who’s surprised by this news can kindly exit this article right now. I mean, I’m surprised in the sense that it took them this long to realize that they were miserable together. I’m also kind of surprised that they actually pulled the trigger, you know? Like, when you’re willing to undergo emotional abuse on national television and you’ve accepted that as okay, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? I really want to know, but I’m glad Brittany seems to be doing okay.

So here’s the story. Earlier today, Brittany posted a picture on Instagram of herself with one of her guy friends and wished him a happy birthday. Whatever. Nobody cared. UNTIL, an Instagram user commented on the photo, asking Brittany if she and Jax were still together. AND JAX REPLIED. AND HE SAID “NO”. Thankfully I learned from the error of my ways from the last time, and I took screenshots. I have the receipts.

Brittany Cartwright

DO YOU SEE THAT? Here’s a zoomed in version of Jax’s comment, for the dense among us. This comes courtesy of Reddit user reality___auditor, a true American hero.

Jax And Brittany Broke Up

Number one, I wonder if Jax made Brittany pay him back for the boob job. I wouldn’t put it past him, to be honest. Number two, I hate to say this and I apologize for the clickbait (wait, no I don’t, you’re here, aren’t you?), as much as I desperately want this to be true, something inside me tells me it just isn’t. Like,  Jax does this shit all the time—he’ll tweet or post that someone has broken up or start some ridiculous rumor in plain English, only to deny it a day later when all the blogs start reporting on it, acting surprised that we could have taken his post “out of context.” First, somebody needs to teach Jax the definition of context. The context here is that someone asked if you and Brittany were still together, and you said no. So no, nothing here was taken out of context. In fact, it was taken precisely IN context.

Second, I’m pretty confident Jax is going to come back tomorrow and tweet something like, “She asked if me and Brittany were still together. At the time, she had gone to the bathroom and I was still sitting on the couch, so no, we weren’t technically still together at that moment in time. Everybody needs to stop putting words in my mouth.” TELL ME I’M WRONG. This is Jax Taylor we’re dealing with, and this is what Jax does. I hate it, and yet I live for it. God, I hate myself.

However, if this is actually true, then this season of Vanderpump Rules is going to be interesting. Stassi had a mental breakdown when Patrick dumped her for the 46th time, Scheana’s rebound relationship went down in flames, and now, Jax and Brittany are done. Nobody stays together for the fame anymore, and it’s just sad. What a world we live in.

I just can’t believe that Tom and Katie are the most stable relationship on this show, but words cannot describe my excitement to watch a season of Vanderpump Rules where almost everybody is single and back on their bullshit. I will be ordering all the popcorn in the world right now, in advance.