Nobody panic but the US government is threatening to shut down TikTok again. As you’ve probably seen your favorite creator lamenting in a chatty GRWM to go fake run errands, the press is hyping up that a new law could force TikTok to be wiped from our phones forever. Spoiler alert: I and my 20 years of legal knowledge (from Law & Order: SVU, no less) believe there is a good chance a resolution will be found. But, just in case I’m wrong for the first time,  I’d like to take this time to say goodbye to some of my favorite viral philosophers and hot messes who got me through the darkest time in my life (being hungover on Sunday morning).

When your dad doesn’t just ban you from TikTok but the entire country pic.twitter.com/zJGpSbCk4V

— Betches News (@Betches_Sup) August 1, 2020

Thank you to Crip and Dip for your award-winning hungover takeaways that made me Doordash every time. Thank you to Champ Bailie (no, not the football player) for breaking down the most ghetto gossip so I didn’t have to find the videos myself. Thank you to Clara Pierce for filming a Sunday reset every week, so I eventually got off my ass and did one myself. Thank you to the messy queens inspired to share “who the fuck” they got involved with because of Reesa Tessa, the sassy HMUAs who always traveled with storytime in their kit, the cooks who invited us into their industrial kitchens, Scottish highland locals, comedy dolls, bevvy artisans, thrift flippers, travel nightmare experts, psycho roommate survivors, and truly everyone who turned on front-facing camera and hit record so that I didn’t have to think for three to ten minutes. I love you, I’ll never forget you, and I encourage you to continue seeing your therapist.

But if the Doomscroll HQ is really being canceled, what should you do after a TikTok ban? I have some ideas! But first, here are the details of the Supreme Court case. 

Is TikTok Really Being Banned?

The Supreme Court will hear arguments regarding the Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act on January 10, 2025, according to CNBC. This law would force Chinese company Bytedance to either sell the app to an American owner (which they don’t want to do) or be removed from Apple and Google Play app stores because of the threat this law alleges TikTok presents to US national security because of its data collection. The law that would make TikTok removed from US users’ phones will become official on January 19, 2025, unless a successful appeal is made, NBC reported. 

Will TikTok be deleted from my phone?

If TikTok is banned, the app will be removed from app stores on devices everywhere. Those of us who already have it downloaded should be able to keep scrolling and posting until the app became so outdated due to Bytedance’s inability to send out updates that it would eventually become unusable. That means you don’t have to delete your account or app from your phone anytime soon.

But what should you do to fill the TikTok-shaped hole in your heart? Below are some super serious suggestions from the Betches staff.

What To Do If TikTok Is Banned

Read… Like, Books And Stuff

I know, a concept almost completely unheard of in 2024. Staying offline doesn’t have to be all educational, either. Smut, fantasy, and enemies-to-lovers adventures are always an option, babe.

Showing Up At The White House

Is it bad if I show up at the stairs of the capital and literally beg? I mean, it couldn’t be worse than the literal insurrection incited by the upcoming US president. I just know Nancy Pelosi doesn’t understand how to use her phone, and maybe if I show her the chich New York grandmas who give advice on there, she’ll save the app.

Make Vine A Thing Again

Vine was pretty much the original TikTok anyway, right?? And they didn’t get shut down for any other reason than the internet forgetting about it for a newer, shinier toy called Instagram. Plus, a bunch of your fave TikTokers, like Quenlin Blackwell, probably dabbled in Vine, anyway.

Go To The Gym

Maybe the opposite of laying in bed and scrolling is, perhaps, standing up and lifting? I’m not sure I believe in the whole “summer bodies are made in the winter” shtick, but they’re definitely not made when I convert 90% of my free time into screentime.

Become A TradWife

Okay, this is, well, the opposite of a healthy choice. But if you’re too addicted to watching Nara Smith making Pepsi from scratch to quit cold turkey, the solution could be wasting a bazillion hours crafting your own condiments. Just like our Mormon problematic queen does for her kiddos.

Bring Back Vloggers On YouTube

And this is likely the real answer. Before our attention spans were reduced to sixty seconds, the pop culture-starved latchkey children used to sit in front of their laptops to hear the tea for hours on end. The Tati/James Charles scandal was a time-consuming endeavor, but it still hit nonetheless. Instead of Googling “What Happened to Kingsley” check out the latest on his YouTube page, beloved! Just promise me you won’t go down a Jenna Marbles wormhole, okay?