Leading my one (very mundane) life is exhausting, so I don’t know how people muster the energy to have double lives. Today, there’s a story making its way around Facebook that goes way beyond double lives. We’re talking like, quadruple lives here. It sounds like a movie plot: a small-town police chief is being accused of having relationships with multiple women, while married, and keeping them all in the dark, and what started as a cheating scandal has ended with an arrest.

Stinnett Texas, according to Google, is a small town in Texas with a population of 1,881. Up until today, the chief of police was a man by the name of Jason Collier. Collier, according to The Sun, has worked in law enforcement for 21 years and was named Chief of Police in February 2020. According to the NY Post, he is an ordained minister. He is also on the board of an Arlington, Texas-based religious organization called Our Brothers Keeper. According to its website, the organization’s mission is to “reach our public safety professionals for the cause of Christ and provide them with the tools necessary to become the courageous fathers and mothers we need them to be.” They do this, basically, by holding religious services for first responders. 

But this law enforcement officer and man of God was not what he seemed. Collier was allegedly dating numerous women simultaneously while still married. He was even trying to have multiple other engagements (again, while still married). The inherent hypocrisy of it all is making waves around the internet, especially on Facebook, where a group called Jason Collier Netflix Series has skyrocketed to over 100,000 members. As inspiring as it is to see people from all over the country rally against this week’s internet villain, the last thing that should happen is a Netflix series, if only because Collier’s ego, lies, and manipulation have surely caused his family enough grief already.

The affairs were uncovered via Facebook, when a woman named Cecily Steinmetz realized the man she considered her boyfriend was married. She even accused him of presenting fake annulment documents (a picture of which she posted to Facebook) to get her to believe his marriage was dissolved. Steinmetz, according to her Facebook, lives in Amarillo, Texas, about an hour away from Stinnett, which could help explain why he was able to conceal the fact that he is married with children despite living in a town smaller than my high school.

Once Steinmetz’s post started making waves, another woman, Kristi Shaffer, came forward and said that Collier had proposed to her, and they were engaged since December 2020. Shaffer and Steinmetz discovered he got them the same gift, a coffee maker, even though Steinmetz doesn’t even drink coffee (Collier does, which is classic male gift-giving behavior if I’ve ever seen it). Shaffer also said Collier even “begged” her to pick out a ring and wanted to ask her dad for her hand in marriage. 

As you can imagine, juggling multiple girlfriends in different area codes takes some finessing. So Collier would allegedly use a variety of excuses to account for being unavailable at times, for instance, claiming to be on a work assignment in Portland, or in Nashville in the wake of the Christmas bombing. Steinmetz also claimed Collier would visit her in Amarillo (again, an hour away) when he was on shift.

More women have since come forward claiming to have also been dating Collier, even sharing his Plenty of Fish profile in which he writes that he is “Not looking for a hookup”, but rather, for “Sincere conversation, building trust and relationship first.” 

Collier sent a video to Steinmetz in which he apologizes and says he feels like “the biggest piece of sh*t” (bingo) over and over. In the video, he is wearing his uniform and is presumably in a police vehicle, while a scanner can be heard in the background. Steinmetz posted the video to Facebook.

The Stinnett Police Department Faceobook page was taken down after it was inundated with comments about the alleged affairs.

The City of Stinnett released a statement on Wednesday stating that the city “is aware of the current situation surrounding the Chief of Police Jason Collier.” The city vowed that it “will be looking into any violations of city policy”, and stated that Collier has been placed on administrative leave while the city investigates possible violations of its employment policy. Collier has not responded to multiple outlets’ request for comment.

In a January 27 Facebook post, the founder of Our Brothers Keeper, Weslee Bolton, wrote, “I have been made aware of an ongoing situation involving two members that have asked to step down from the board of directors” before stating he would not address specific questions regarding said members.

Collier was arrested by Texas rangers on Thursday and has been charged with tampering with a government record with the intent to defraud or harm. The City of Stinnett Facebook page confirmed that Collier has resigned.

Images:  zef art / Shutterstock.com; JackieKingston1 / Twitter

UPDATE: Back in March, we went through a viral Twitter thread, in which dozens of people shared their negative experiences with Ellen DeGeneres. Some of them were funny, some of them were disturbing, but they all backed up long-simmering rumors that the Kindness Queen might not actually be all that nice. Not long after that thread, Ellen was criticized for how her staff was being treated during the pandemic, and this week, BuzzFeed News published a searing report detailing the “toxic work culture” at Ellen, with numerous current and former employees claiming they “faced racism, fear, and intimidation” during their time at the show.

One former employee, a Black woman, told BuzzFeed that she repeatedly “experienced racist comments, actions, and ‘microaggressions'” during her time at the show. Once, a “senior-level producer” told her and another Black employee with a similar hairstyle, “I hope we don’t get you confused.” At one point, she was labeled the “PC police” by the show’s writing staff for asking that they avoid using certain problematic phrases in segments. She says that she wasn’t taken seriously when she brought these and other issues to her boss, and eventually she was reprimanded for “looking resentful and angry” by raising concerns. After that day, she chose not to return to the show, and hasn’t worked in entertainment since.

Multiple employees quoted in the new report have stories about being fired after taking necessary medical leave. One employee recalled that during their time at the show, they took a month-long medical leave after a suicide attempt. Upon returning to work, they were informed their role was “being eliminated.” The employee told BuzzFeed News, “You’d think that if someone just tried to kill themselves, you don’t want to add any more stress to their lives.” Another former employee said they were fired suddenly after, in a one-year period, they needed to take a three-week medical leave after a car accident, and a few days off to attend funerals. They added that “Each request was a battle with supervisors and HR.” Both of these specific cases were corroborated by medical records and other employees. 

In a statement, the show’s executive producers (Ellen not included), said “Over the course of nearly two decades, 3,000 episodes, and employing over 1,000 staff members, we have strived to create an open, safe, and inclusive work environment. We are truly heartbroken and sorry to learn that even one person in our production family has had a negative experience. It’s not who we are and not who we strive to be, and not the mission Ellen has set for us.”  They said that responsibility for these things falls completely on them, and vowed to action moving forward to correct problems in the workplace.

Ellen DeGeneres is also an executive producer on her show, but she has not made any statement about the allegations in the BuzzFeed News report.

Original Article: Right now, a lot of us are spending a lot of time on Twitter, and it can be a scary place. Between people posting their nudes out of sheer boredom and threads from doctors about how we’re probably all going to die, we all need a bright spot. Thankfully, this weekend brought us a viral Twitter thread that has absolutely nothing to do with coronavirus, and everything to do with Ellen DeGeneres maybe being evil.

If that sentence was jarring for you, I’m sorry, but it’s time that you know. While Ellen’s public persona is relentlessly joyful, stories about her tyrannical behavior have been bubbling under the surface for a while. I’ve alluded to this before, but on Friday, comedian Kevin T. Porter invited people to share “the most insane stories you’ve heard about Ellen being mean” in exchange for donations to the LA Food Bank. Ooh, we love a charitable moment that also gives us good gossip. Buckle up, because illusions will be shattered.

Right now we all need a little kindness. You know, like Ellen Degeneres always talks about! 😊❤️

She’s also notoriously one of the meanest people alive

Respond to this with the most insane stories you’ve heard about Ellen being mean & I’ll match every one w/ $2 to @LAFoodBank

— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) March 20, 2020

Kevin’s original tweet has over 1,000 responses, and while some of them are people complaining that this whole exercise is mean-spirited, many of the tweets make it seem like Ellen is the mean-spirited one here. (Also, we’re raising money for charity, so stop complaining.) Obviously, it’s difficult to know if each story is 100% true, but you know, where there’s smoke there’s fire, and this is a lot of f*cking smoke.

One of the most disturbing stories was about a woman returning from maternity leave. After working for Ellen for “over 5 years,” this woman claims she found a different job with more benefits after having her baby, but went back to Ellen after she “BEGGED” her to return. Then what happened? Ellen fired her after a week. Who knows what exactly went down here, but it definitely seems shady.

After working for Ellen for over 5 years, close friend left to have baby, & found different job on a union network show (benefits etc), Ellen BEGGED her to return then fired her after 1 week, no reason given, and friend struggled for long time w new baby and no benefits etc.

— Cassandra Tells You So (@MissAbsinthe) March 21, 2020

That’s not the only story about her allegedly screwing over a long-time employee. Someone pointed out that Karen Kilgariff, best known as the cohost of My Favorite Murder, was the head writer on Ellen’s show for years—until the historic writer’s strike of 2007. Allegedly, Ellen wanted Karen to cross the picket line and come back to work, but she refused. In response, this tweet claims that Ellen fired her, and the two have never spoken since. Ouch.

Karen Kilgariff was her head writer for 5 years until the writers' strike. When Karen wouldn't cross the picket line she was fired and Ellen never spoke to her again.

— J. Fisher (@elpez3) March 20, 2020

Another account came from someone who says she served Ellen and her wife Portia at brunch. According to the tweet, Ellen “wrote a letter to the owner & complained about chipped nail polish.” She says that she almost got fired because of this, which is just insane. I’m glad she also tagged the restaurant, because if she actually almost got fired for some chipped nails, that’s not okay. Just because Ellen is (allegedly) psycho doesn’t mean we all have to just live in her fantasy world.

I worked @RealFoodDaily, served her & Porsha at brunch. She wrote a letter to the owner & complained about my chipped nail polish (not that it was on her plate but just that it was on my hand). I had worked till closing the night before & this was next morn, almost got me fired.

— Chris Farah (@ChrisLFarah) March 20, 2020

One of my personal favorite Ellen stories that came out of this, though, is about her “sensitive nose.” According to this tweet, she’s super sensitive to smell, “so everyone must chew gum from a bowl outside her office before talking to her.” Okay, what? Maybe I don’t understand the sensitive nose life, but how close is Ellen standing when she’s having conversations with these people? I’ll never turn down a free piece of gum, but this sounds like a personal problem.

A) She has a "sensitive nose" so everyone must chew gum from a bowl outside her office before talking to her and if she thinks you smell that day you have to go home and shower.

— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 20, 2020

Writer and comedian Benjamin Siemon came armed with several bits of Ellen tea, also claiming that she likes to pick “someone different to really hate” every day. Reportedly, she always has a different target of choice, and then the next day she’ll move on to someone else. At the very least, this is textbook toxic boss behavior, and it’s easy to see why working for her could be a nightmare if this stuff is true.

B) A new staff member was told "every day she picks someone different to really hate. It's not your fault, just suck it up for the day and she'll be mean to someone else the next day. They didn't believe it but it ended up being entirely true.

— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 20, 2020

There are many more entertaining responses, so you should check out the full thread if you have some time to kill while you’re “working  from home” today. Again, they may or may not be true, but I’ve laughed a lot either way.

On Sunday, Kevin T. Porter circled back with an update. While he said it’s tough to tell exactly which stories are true, he rounded for a final donation of $600 to the LA Food Bank. Great work, Kevin, and great work to everyone who shared these stories. Call me messed up, but this is the sh*t that warms my cold, dead heart.

Well this got out of hand! It’s now hard to tell which stories are real or not, so I’ve rounded up to 300 and donated $600! pic.twitter.com/dX08ybhdos

— Kevin T. Porter (@KevinTPorter) March 22, 2020

So yeah, thinking about all the people Ellen DeGeneres may (allegedly) have yelled at is what’s getting me through this day of social distancing. If you have any personal stories about Ellen being a monster, feel free to comment or slide into my DMs, because I really need something to smile about. Until then, I’ll be watching old clips of Wendy Williams, my daytime talk show queen. Wendy is messy, but at least she owns it!

Images: David Crotty/Getty Images; kevintporter, missabsinthe, elpez3, chrislfarah, benjaminjs / Twitter

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Welcome back to another Crazy Wedding Story of the week. This one is especially crazy and convoluted. It has everything: a ridiculously demanding bride, angry family members threatening to sue, and a twist you definitely won’t see coming. You’re so welcome that I’ve brought you this juicy incident to brighten your Wednesday. I know, I know—I deserve a f*cking medal. Or, in lieu of a medal, I will also accept $30,000 in donations—you’ll see why in a sec. I can’t really give an introduction to this story without giving too much of it away, so let’s just cut right to the chase.

The Set-Up

Today’s crazy wedding story comes to us via the Choosing Beggars subreddit, which proves in and of itself to be gold. The premise of the subreddit is exposing choosy beggars, i.e., people who expect ridiculous freebies for no good reason. Highly recommend for your procrastinating-at-work pleasure. So when someone posted screenshots to r/choosingbeggars of a Facebook post in which a bride reveals she’s canceling her wedding after receiving a whopping $30,000 in donations, the post quickly went viral on the subreddit. Just in case we have some dirty deleting on our hands, here’s the screenshot of what went down:

HOLY SH*T. First of all, it’s nuts that this couple managed to raise $30,000 BEFORE the wedding. But that’s obviously not the real issue here. How in the actual sh*t does someone think it’s okay to collect tens of thousands of dollars from their friends and family, then pull a bait-and-switch? Then ask for MORE money and gifts?? The audacity of these people. I would be mildly impressed if I didn’t want to slap the sh*t out of them.

The thing with donating money to a cause is that you typically expect the money you give will, in fact, go to that cause. Sooooo flip-flopping and saying that you suddenly need to use that money for a lavish honeymoon BEFORE you’re even married (which, let’s be real, is simply a vacation) and to get yourselves financially stable, makes actually zero sense.

Here’s a hot tip: if you’re not financially stable, you probs shouldn’t be taking a $30k honeymoon. I’m no business insider, but that seems like pretty legit advice, right?

Also, you know that “rescheduled wedding” ain’t happenin’ and this is just a blatant cash grab. If I knew this person, not only would they not get another gift from me for their honeymoon, but they would never see another cent from me as long as we both shall live.

The Backlash

NATURALLY, every family member, guest, and wedding party member rightly freaked the f*ck out. The screenshots for you, my loves:

There’s so much more than even these, but can I get a rich uncle who just gives me like $12k? That’d be tight. Also, can we not with the one bridesmaid that’s like “I gave you $200 and I love you—I’m such a good friend”? Alright, Gretchen Wieners, take it easy.

The Plot Thickens

If the initial post and comments seemed a little wild even for the average psycho wedding story, you aren’t alone in being all, “hmmm.”

The detectives at Buzzfeed did some sleuthing and it looks as though this entire incident could have been a marketing ploy by some bullsh*t company. I mean, good job, marketing assholes. The post went up on Reddit on Monday and quickly was shared, like, everywhere because of how purely insane it is.

More screenshots of the family responses popped up on Monday night, but only via some f*cking website we’ve never heard of called CapturedIt.club, which seems a little weird. When it did go up, literally NOTHING ELSE was on the website. Sketch.

Any additional “comments” from family members had the Captured It Club watermark, which, like, again, seems a bit odd. If these are real screenshots, why are they watermarked with some rando website’s name? Damn, how did none of us pick up on this? I feel like a fool. Even more questionable, none of the Facebook posts had any reactions, which is pretty weird. You would think something of this caliber would be a sea of angry face emojis, wow faces, and dislike buttons. The nail in the coffin, though, is that GoFundMe has no record of a bride named Pam and her supposed fiancé, Edward. And despite mentioning an Amazon registry in her original post, no such Amazon registry for a Pam and Edward exists.

And, after Buzzfeed published their article exposing the fact that this whole story may have been a PR stunt, capturedit.club took everything down off their website and replaced it with this screenshot:

So… it looks like we’ve all been hustled, scammed, bamboozled, led astray. But now I have more questions than answers. Who/what is Ben Hobbs? What the f*ck is the point of this capturedit.club website in the first place? Why were we all so eager to believe that someone would scam their friends and family out of $30,000?

I guess I’ve got to hand it to the people behind this weird-ass website for fooling us all. But, honestly, I’m kind of sad this isn’t real. What does that say about me? Perhaps I’ll grapple with these existential dilemmas in next week’s crazy wedding story.

Images: Vitaliy Karimov / Shutterstock.com; Choosing Beggars / Reddit (6)

Ah, Jameela Jamil. Talented actress, champion of body positivity, and prolific tweeter. Jameela does important work helping to tear down the norms of problematic diet culture and harmful social media wellness practices, but she also has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth on social media. Over the last 24 hours, she’s been in a heated Twitter back-and-forth with Victoria’s Secret model Sara Sampaio, and it’s all one big mess. Tempers are high, things are getting condescending, and I’m not sure anyone is completely in the right, tbh. Let’s try to make sense of this, shall we?

A few days ago, Jameela Jamil reposted a video of a runway show in which several women are walking barefoot, dancing together, and generally just having a good time. No one in the video is super skinny, and Jameela took note. She said the show looked fun, then added “not a long-starved terrified teenager in sight.”

Oh my god 😍😍😍 this looks like the most fun, and not a long-starved terrified teenager in sight. Beautiful. https://t.co/hck5n6e9Xu

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 13, 2019

And in the least shocking turn of events, this offended some people, namely models, namely Sara Sampaio. Sara is a Portuguese model who has worked with Victoria’s Secret since 2013. She criticized Jameela’s description of models as “extremely offensive,” and called her a hypocrite for going against her usual message of body positivity.

How about celebrating someone without bringing other people down? Calling runway models “long-starved terrified teenager” is extremely offensive. From someone that is always preaching for body positivity this just screams hypocrisy. https://t.co/JOBtY0yrui

— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019

As we saw last week with the George W. Bush drama, Jameela Jamil isn’t one to back down from criticism on Twitter, and this was no exception. She clarified that she wasn’t referring to all models, and clarified that a “*vast* majority” of young models have issues with drugs and/or eating disorders. She also said that Sampaio should “try to calm down.” *Cringe emoji*

On the one hand, while I understand Sampaio’s argument that Jameela Jamil could have just celebrated the video without bringing anything negative into the narrative, that’s not really Jameela’s style. Her whole thing is calling out issues in beauty standards, and the fashion industry has long played into and profited from these toxic ideals. On the other hand, telling Sara Sampaio to “try to calm down” is extremely condescending, and it doesn’t make Jameela Jamil’s argument any stronger.

I also don’t preach “body positivity.” I talk about moving away from all talk of body, in order to combat our current pervasive issue of eating disorder culture, which is in NO small way perpetuated by the extreme thinness demanded of girls by the high fashion powers that be.

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019

After those first couple tweets, it was basically a free-for-all between Sara and Jameela, with each tweeting and responding with blocks of text every couple minutes. It’s really not important to read every single tweet, or analyze every word, because it’s not that complicated. Sara Sampaio obviously feels strongly about not making disparaging generalizations about models, and Jameela Jamil doesn’t give a sh*t about making the fashion industry look bad.

Sampaio talked about how eating disorders and drug use are a problem in society as a whole, not only in the modeling business, and that these problems don’t actually affect a “vast majority” of models (k, I’m gonna need a citation on that), like Jameela suggested.

You didn’t say all models, sure, but you still chose to attack girls just so you can celebrate others. Eating disorders, drugs and cocaine use aren’t a exclusive problem of models, it’s a huge problem is society as a whole. And when you talk like you know for sure majority of https://t.co/4hAIf379WP

— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019

Sara also clarified that the only intention of her original tweet was to call out Jameela Jamil’s negativity: “I never said there wasn’t a problem with the industry, so don’t go around and put words in my mouth.” Honestly, this drama is more intense than 80% of Real Housewives feuds, which is saying something. Jameela Jamil then told Sara not to “police how I choose to celebrate something or call out something problematic,” before adding that her words “aren’t cute, or easy, or inoffensive.”

Okay, so while I agree with Jameela that we don’t have to be polite when trying to affect change in the world, that’s not the same thing as demanding a free pass to offend whoever you want along the way. Sara’s not trying to say that Jameela should stop doing this kind of work, just that this specific tweet could have stayed on a positive note instead of slamming a whole group of people for basically no reason.

Don’t police how I choose to celebrate something or call out something problematic. I was celebrating that it’s a refreshing change, compared to the toxic fashion show norm. I’m an activist. My words aren’t cute, or easy, or inoffensive. Change doesn’t come from being polite. https://t.co/NqvfwTeixP

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019

So all of that (and more that I didn’t embed because it was just too much) happened on Tuesday night, ending at around 1opm. But that’s not the end!! Jameel Jamil fired up her Twitter machine once again this morning, going all the way back to Sara’s original response to her tweet. Girl, at this point, the horse is dead. Stop beating it.

Also @SaraSampaio , you MIDUNDERSTOOD the tweet in the first place… it was Not taking aim at *kids* for being starved and afraid. It’s definitely not *their* fault. Who on EARTH would blame children? it was taking aim at this (unbelievably fucked) industry. Which is RIGHT to do https://t.co/K3DkuRmIG7

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019

After all of what happened on Tuesday night, Jameela claimed that Sara didn’t even understand the intent of her tweet in the first place. After all of that!!!! Jameela, I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, but if someone misunderstands your point, perhaps try letting them know in the first response, rather than 10 rounds of petty tweets later. She said that her tweet wasn’t taking aim at the starved teenagers, but actually the fashion industry as a whole.

By this point, it doesn’t really matter, but Sara did criticize Jameela for “attacking girls,” so she can correct her if she wants. But Sara also understandably called out Jameela this morning for her “constant condescending tone” when responding to her, and told her to have a nice life. Wowwww, this is so petty, and I love it.

This is the last I’ll say on this. Your constant condescending tone is just unnecessary, and makes it impossible to actual have a conversation. Hope you have a nice life. Wish you all the best.

— Sara Sampaio (@SaraSampaio) October 16, 2019

Despite Sara’s best efforts to shut the feud down, Jameela wasn’t done, and she followed this up with her most personal attack yet. She fully went for the jugular, saying that Sara works “for a transphobic, fat phobic company,” and that she should check herself “before you start policing me for calling out an industry wide epidemic of harm to young girls.”

You also proudly work for a transphobic, fat phobic company @SaraSampaio . Victoria’s Secret is a brand that sets out to exclude most women, so I would check yourself on that before you start policing me for calling out an industry wide epidemic of harm to young girls. https://t.co/e8HKFPQ71X

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019

Honestly, this one left me speechless. Up until this point, the argument had stayed pretty squarely focused on the issue at hand. They can debate Jameela’s message on the tweet as much as they want, but Jameela really took it to a new level by attacking the job that has, by far, been the defining part of Sara’s career. And, I mean, she is not wrong…

If you’re speaking out against what your company did then GREAT. I look forward to seeing your activism on that with your big profile. You seem passionate about speaking out. So best of luck to you on helping young girls and trans people in this business. ❤️ https://t.co/UdQNCJrtb6

— Jameela Jamil 🌈 (@jameelajamil) October 16, 2019

Despite saying she was done with the feud, Sara couldn’t ignore Jameela’s attack on her career, and came back for one last tweet, in which she acknowledged Victoria’s Secret’s mistakes, and said that they’ve “been working on changing that.” She made one more dig at Jameela, saying that she’s made big mistakes in the “pass” too, but then said that she’s not going to turn to “personal attacks to try to win some stupid twitter feud.”

Oh my god, you guys, I am so tired. Honestly, it’s comical that these two women got so involved over something that started with a dumb tweet about a fashion show that was meant to be positive, but that’s just the world we live in. I now know way more about Sara Sampaio than I ever intended to, and honestly, she’s pretty great at being petty on Twitter, so I kinda like her. Between Jameela’s relentless dedication to her causes and Sara’s unwillingness to back down, this was unknowingly a matchup for the ages.

Images: Shutterstock; jameelajamil (6), sarasampaio (3) / Twitter

Yesterday started out just like any other mediocre American Tuesday. Birds were singing, politicians were tweeting, and millennials around the country were trying to find jobs that would help them pay off their thousands of dollars in student loan debt while simultaneously not making them want to die (aka: the dream). 

So, naturally, when 24-year-old Emily Clow went to apply for a Marketing Coordinator position with the company, Kickass Masterminds, she didn’t exactly have the highest of hopes. I mean, this is 2019. People with their masters are working at The Gap and as the great Pam Beesly once said, “I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of ’em called me back. Not even for an interview.”

Things are pretty bleak in the ol’ job market for us. 

Clow’s mentality? Best case, she’d get a neat job with what appeared to be a cool, female-forward company in the general direction she was hoping to take her career. Worst case? She’d never hear back from them and will have wasted a few minutes of her life by applying via the Indeed easy application service.

OR SO SHE THOUGHT *bum bum bum*!!!!!!!!!!!

After applying on Indeed around 9:40am, Clow was sent a link with the second part of the application asking about her marketing background, how she would describe herself, to tell a story proving her “grit and toughness,” etc. etc. etc. Usual HR bs to weed out the weirdos. This is where things take a turn for the ~scandalous.~

According to Clow, just after submitting the second half of her application, a message appeared saying that “following their Instagram gives applicants an advantage over other applicants.”

And because our girl gets after it, she gave the company a follow around 11:15am. She scrolled through its posts. She checked out its audience. And then, she clicked on its stories.

There, posted for the company’s followers, interested candidates, and quite literally anyone else with internet access to see, was a bikini photo taken from Emily Clow’s very own Instagram that was posted in JUNE. And because words will never do justice to just how f*cked up this post was, I’ll allow you to see for yourself:

@kickassmasterm pic.twitter.com/rhVUhMTsZg

— Emily Clow (@emilyeclow) October 1, 2019

Ho-ly f*ck, right?

“I was shocked to see an employer I was intrigued by and hoping to at least interview with would shame me so publicly through their company Instagram,” said Clow. “It took me a while to read the captions of the story fully.”

And once she did? Things didn’t really get better. I mean, imagine seeing one of your (warranted and acceptable, albeit envy-inducing) like-trap swimsuit photos being literally blasted around the internet saying “this is how you don’t get jobs.” F*cked up, right?

“It made me feel as if they were judging my bikini pics and comparing it to my work ethic, which they hadn’t even discussed with me or past employers with at this time.”

THEY DIDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER CONTACTS. They just saw her hot-ass profile and were like “nope, this girl posts pictures in her swimsuit. In 2019. Let’s shame the sh*t out of her for being hot? Being confident? Understanding the market of her followers? Instead of just casually rejecting her resume without making a fuss (which is still, of course, f*cked up).”

The craziest part? Clow wasn’t even following them yet when they posted the picture. She didn’t send her Facebook with her resume (because she’s not a mom with cats and attachment issues), and she didn’t even send a f*cking headshot, which is something I guess hot people do sometimes for influencer and brand ambassador positions. She straight up just sent her resume and got this nonsense. And at first? The shaming worked.

“I sat on the decision to reach out for a bit, but I did eventually stating how I had archived the picture,” which is now, thankfully, back. Because a picture that good does not belong hidden in archives because some assholes made you feel falsely inferior, “along with an ‘I appreciate the advice’ message.”

Ready for it guys? Ready? READY? It’s so good. Here’s the response she got:

“I sent an email shortly after my first DM to the company saying how I recently applied to the Marketing Coordinator position. I attached my resume and cover letter for their convenience, acknowledged that they were going through applications, and said how I hoped to hear from them soon in regard to the position. At the end of the email, I stated, ‘PS — Please take down the picture of me from your Instagram story. Thank you for understanding.’”

Even at THIS point, Clow is being gracious despite the fact that this is some mean girl sh*t if I’ve ever seen it. Wanna guess how the company responded?

“The company blocked me after they replied ‘Best of luck,’ on Instagram.”

They blocked her. This “marketing” (I put it in quotes because this is the silliest example of marketing I’ve ever seen) “company” (I put this in quotes because I’m on the edge of my seat to see if this will still even be a company by the time this piece publishes) blocked an applicant who politely asked them to take down a harassing photo of her that she didn’t give permission for them to use. 

Whew! What is this? The marketing team of Caroline Calloway? Kidding, they would never make a mistake like this. Anyway, I digress. At this point, Clow is starting to get rightfully upset. I would have f*cking burned sh*t down by now, but she’s been handling this straight-up sexual harassment with a patience and inner zen that I have never known.

So, after the company put her on blast for no reason, blocked her, AND shamed her, she decided it was time to turn the tables juuuuuust a little bit. 

“I posted a personal story tagging the company and calling out their behavior on my personal Instagram and Twitter after they blocked me.”

Now, before we move forward, I need to tell you all a secret: I know Emily Clow. I’ve worked with Emily Clow. I’ve hung out with Emily Clow. And I get the whole “how can girls be hot and also smart, driven, AND cool” jealousy that exists, but the thing is? Emily Clow is one down-to-Earth bitch. I hate everyone and trust me, I tried. But she’s kinda the full package. So, knowing this, I was outraged (and now officially invested).

So, just after posting to Twitter and getting a HEAP of responses (yet still no response from Kickass Masterminds and STILL no removal of her photo), Clow decided to send screenshots to @sheratesdogs around 1:30pm in the hopes that a large account could help get her photo down. Less than an hour later, @sheratesdogs posted the story.

This girl applied for an internship at a company, and they put up this screenshot of her in a bikini on their company Instagram, publicly telling everybody they wouldn’t hire her because of this photo. pic.twitter.com/aRQF7CqfSF

— SheRatesDogs (@SheRatesDogs) October 1, 2019

Less than two hours later, Kickass Masterminds’ Instagram went private (not to mention the photo was deleted without comment), and less than an hour after THAT their entire web presence went dark. The job listing was taken down. The website was mysteriously down for “scheduled” lol “maintenance” lol. The company metaphorically (and maybe literally) packed up, shredded the files, burned down the building, jumped ship, and pretended this ish never happened. 

Naturally, as someone who loves drama to fight injustice, I had to get to the bottom of what type of company would pull this punkass move. Turns out? It’s a female-founded, female-run company headed by Sara Christensen, who just so happens to be the smiling face of the girl who basically told Clow to eff off. The misogyny is coming from inside the house!

According to The Pitch Queen (where she guest-starred on a podcast):

 “Sara Christensen is the feisty founder of Kickass Masterminds. She’s been a successful business owner for more than 20 years, starting and running five of her own profitable companies. Her largest business was producing revenue of $10 million per year and had 75 full-time employees when she sold it. She’s also owned a Marketing Communications Firm, a Jewelry Design Studio and a Wellness Business.

Before devoting her work full-time to her own businesses, Sara worked as the Head of Marketing and Business Development for several dot-com and high-tech companies.

She’s also a best-selling author and keynote speaker.”

Author, you say? Keynote speaker, you say? Let us dig. I (naturally) had to find her book and (naturally) had to see what sort of ideas she was peddling. Maybe tips about what to wear to the pool in 1812? How to feel less confident in your skin? How to be a smokeshow but not let people know you’re a smokeshow in your posts even though you’re obviously a smokeshow? 

Nah, just a good old fashioned “love yourself and stand up for yourself even though you’re a woman in corporate America” bit. Lolz.

Lurve how this is the back of #KickassMasterminds founder, Sara Christensen's book. pic.twitter.com/PfjLyXUUdL

— Rachel Varina (@rachelvarina) October 2, 2019

So, Sara’s literal WHOLE brand is about learning to stop caring what people think to get ahead in business. You know, kind of what our girl Clow was doing when she APPLIED FOR THE POSITION. Gosh, I love the irony and trust me, it wasn’t lost on Clow.

“I am utterly baffled and appalled that a company started by women and that preaches about rebelling against corporate America would objectify applicants and use a traditional mindset when reviewing someone interested in marketing. I don’t believe it is unprofessional to wear a bathing suit during the summer in Austin. I didn’t realize being comfortable with my body while embodying a strong work ethic was so taboo.”

Neither did we, Clow. Neither did we. To say it’s baffling to the entire internet would be a massive freaking understatement at this point. 

this is fucking hilarious, considering pic.twitter.com/dmjABdm4s3

— Emily Clow (@emilyeclow) October 1, 2019

At this point, I don’t know if Sara was the one who posted the photo or if some social media intern royally f*cked up, but the point is: Kickass Masterminds is well on its way to going viral, and not for the reason any company would want. But hey, any press is good press, right Sara?

“What I find incredible is the amount of support I have received,” said Clow. “Obviously, @sheratesdogs posting my story is the sole reason why the company went completely dark. I don’t know if I should thank them or not for it, but being able to have a voice in a generation where you can so easily be ignored really is powerful. Yeah, we made a small company in Austin go dark because they objectified me, but we still made a difference.

If it wasn’t me, they would’ve done it to another applicant and who knows what could have happened. I am glad to have been able to speak out and shed light on an issue that is very common (although I didn’t think it was in Austin anymore).”

Unfortunately for any of you wannabe marketers out there dying to join this cutting-edge company, it appears Kickass Masterminds is no longer accepting applications. Womp womp.

The best part? After all of this started going down, Clow received a notification that her application was viewed again by the company at 3:47pm on October 1st, a little over an hour after the story started getting traction online. Guess the applicant made quite the impression, huh?

So, when asked if Clow would take the position if it was offered to her now, (because at this point, who knows what will happen? The company could come back and be like “hey! We’ll make you president if you don’t sue”) she gave a resounding “FUUUUUCK NO.” JK, Clow is classier than that. What she did say, however, is:

“Absolutely not. One person said in my mentions to the company that, ‘it should make any person afraid to work in your organization for fear that they are going to be objectified and sexualized for just living their lives.’ I stand by that statement 110%. While I have considered legal action, with my name and face not being displayed in the story, there isn’t much I can do.”

So, what does Clow want to do now that she’s quite literally proven herself as a bomb-ass marketer, having gained close to 400 followers in like, 12 hours?

“I am looking at sales, marketing, and social media jobs. My dream job would be with Red Bull Media. The number of people, teams, and events they sponsor is absurd. To be a part of an ever-growing marketing team whose exposure is expanding exponentially would be incredible.”

Get at it, Red Bull. You know our girl is gonna get poached in a heartbeat because when all is said and done NOBODY PUTS CLOW IN THE CORNER!

Still, Sara Christensen has stated that it wasn’t the photo that disqualified Clow. In fact, Clow wasn’t disqualified at all. From Daily Mail:

“The woman in question was not disqualified because of her social media profile. In fact, she was not disqualified at all. There was no communication to her saying she was disqualified.

She requested that I remove it and I did immediately.”

Weird, because it sort of seemed like she was disqualified when her photo was posted on the company’s Instagram with the note about how that’s not how you get a job. Curious. Anyway, Clow’s response to all of this?

“I would hope they take a step back and reevaluate how they approach the vetting process for applicants. In our day in age, social media has become so loose and accepted by most employers as NOT representing someone’s work ethic and experience. I hope in the future that no other applicant has this experience. Although it has sparked a discussion about social media and job hunting, I don’t think a bikini pic should judge someone’s ability to do a job successfully.”

I’ll say it again for the folks in the back: NOBODY PUTS CLOW IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!

Images: emilyeclow (2), sheratesdogs, rachelvarina / Twitter; clowd_nine (2) / Instagram; kickassmasterminds.com; indeed.com

If that title doesn’t say it all …

As the internet is the gift that keeps on giving, we continue to find absolutely incredible stories about when absurdity meets weddings. This week’s ridiculous story comes from California, where a woman’s night terrors took a less sweaty and more ER-tinged turn.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

WTF Happened

Jenna Evans detailed that fun time that she literally swallowed her engagement ring in her sleep in a Facebook post that’s gone viral. Read that back again slowly. She actually, literally, had such nightmares fueling her sleep that she SWALLOWED HER ENGAGEMENT RING.

“So, in case you missed it, I swallowed my engagement ring in my sleep on Tuesday night. I actually remember doing it, but I thought I was dreaming, so I went back to sleep. On Wednesday morning, I realized my ring was not on my hand and had to wake Bob Howell up and tell him that I swallowed my engagement ring. I don’t think he believed me right away. We laughed pretty hard for about an hour and a half, called my mom, laughed until we were crying, googled ‘do other adults swallow rings” because kids do it all the time, but apparently it’s less common for adults.”

Let’s all pause for laughter here. I admire this girl for actually TELLING her fiancé that she swallowed her engagement ring, because I think I would have died of embarrassment first. Let’s continue.

“I went to urgent care where I struggled to explain why I was there, because I was laughing/crying so hard. The doctor ordered an Xray and seemed pretty shocked when she walked back in with a second doctor and showed me that sure enough, my ring was right there in my stomach! They called a gastroenterologist and decided it would be best NOT to let nature take its course. (Thank God) Before I left, she recommended seeing a sleep specialist as well. 

Bobby took me to the GI doctor where I got to tell a whole new group of doctors and nurses that yes, I swallowed my engagement ring. At this point, I could definitely feel it in my guts, it was starting to really hurt and make us nervous. They decided an upper endoscopy was just the thing and said don’t worry its not big deal, but please sign this release form just in case you die. 

Then I cried a lot because I would be SO MAD if I died. I waited a long time for that damn engagement ring and I WILL marry Bobby Howell DAMNIT. “

This girl GETS me. Like, you finally found the guy, got the ring, and are literally planning your dream wedding. I would be PISSED if I died and didn’t get to check that sh*t off my to-do life list.

So, Did She Die?

No, she obviously didn’t die, because she wrote about the story on Facebook—and thank God, because this story def makes for something to tell and re-tell her kids and grandkids for years to come. “Remember that time mommy ate her engagement ring while dreaming? Yeah, that was hilarious.”

“So they push the sleepy drugs, and right as I started to feel that wave of warm and fuzzy sleep I said to the doctors, Bobby would LOVE this. Everything went great, they found my ring just beyond my stomach in my intestines, retrieved it and gave it to Bobby, not me. ?

Apparently I don’t do great with anesthesia because I came out of it hysterically crying and was totally inconsolable. They got me out of there as quickly as possible and gave us a list of what I could eat (soup, crackers, light sandwich, yogurt etc.) So I demanded that Bobby take me to In n Out and Chickfila. He loves me, so he drove me through In n Out and got me a double-double, mustard fried with cheese fries and a chocolate shake but put his foot down and said no to Chickfila. I probably cried as I stuffed cheese fries in my mouth. I asked for my ring, he said no. Thank God I had that chocolate shake. “

Again, this girl is my spirit animal. I, too, would’ve broken down into hysterics had no one bought me Chick-fil-a after this f*cking ordeal. Like, I ate a diamond and had to BE PUT TO SLEEP to get it out again. That’s a rough day, no matter how you look at it. (Although I will not publicly support blatantly disobeying your doctor’s orders.)

“Bobby finally gave my ring back this morning – I promised not to swallow it again, we’re still getting married and all is right in the world.”

Wow, like, talk about a great story, guys. That was a wild ride from start to finish. I hope her promises mean something and she really does her best not to eat her ring again. I assume the doctors would find that super entertaining, though.

Wait, What Was She Dreaming About?

Thankfully, Jenna has also filled us in on exactly WHAT she was dreaming about that caused her to swallow her (apparently) giant engagement ring:

“**update- for inquiring minds, I was having a dream that Bobby and I were in a very sketchy situation involving a high speed train and bad guys (I have very exciting and vivid dreams) and he told me I had to swallow my ring to protect it; so I popped that sucker off, put it in my mouth and swallowed it with a glass of water riiiight about the time I realized what I was doing. I assumed this too was a dream, because WHO ACTUALLY SWALLOWS THEIR ENGAGEMENT RING, so I went back to sleep. 

I also had no idea this would go viral – please be kind. I didn’t do it on purpose and I’m not trying to change the world here, just share a funny story and hopefully a good belly laugh. Pun intended.
Ring is lovingly made by Simone Jewelry Designs in Houston, Tx. Jewels so lovely, you could eat them. But dont – trust me on this.”

Dearest Jenna, we hope you have an amazing wedding, honeymoon, and marriage. Maybe don’t sleep with your ring on anymore—just saying.

Images: Scott Webb, Unsplash; Giphy (2)

If there’s ever a time when wedding and bridal shaming stories are not a thing, I will find a new planet to live on. Does anything give us life quite so much as pointing out the insanity that is other people’s weddings? Usually the brides—what with their psycho requests, insane organizational charts, and wildly specific hors d’oeuvres  for cocktail hour—are the object of our unabashed shaming, because no one wants hush puppy/crab cake hybrids, Janine. Get a f*cking grip. But this time it’s the Maid of Honor, the girl you depend on to keep you sane on your big special day, who genuinely deserves a good, stern talking to.

Basically, a super chill (I assume) bride told her bridesmaids to go ahead and “wear anything.” Now, usually, and for those of us with firing brain cells, that means picking an acceptable cocktail dress or gown in a color that’s cool with the bride and NOT WHITE. Most of us would send a quick picture of said dress to the bride because we’re such good friends and, ultimately, it’s all about her. There really isn’t anything wild or groundbreaking about this concept, right?

Wrong. This particular bridesmaid decided “f*ck it” and took the bride’s very kind offer extremely literally.

Maid of honor wears a T-Rex costume after being told she could wear ‘anything’ https://t.co/thD48cRXWD pic.twitter.com/PrkqcEwSGq

— New York Post (@nypost) September 4, 2019

Jesus Christ. There’s not a lot to unpack here. Pretty much, this Nebraska bride’s sister and maid of honor, a 38-year-old human woman, decided that an inflatable T-Rex costume was going to be her go-to outfit during her sister’s once-in-a-lifetime day. Like, how interesting and cool and ~quirky~ do you have to attest to be to pull this kind of sh*t? Also, isn’t this kind of crappy to do in the sense that you’re completely taking all focus and attention off of the bride?

The MOH herself uploaded this pic to her Facebook page with the caption, “When you’re maid of honor and told you can wear anything you choose…I regret nothing ?” and it’s been shared more than 34,000 times. So that’s 34,000 people who think this is an acceptable move, and 34,000 reasons my faith in humanity is diminishing.

Sooo what about the bride? Did she also “regret nothing” in telling her sister and MOH to go ahead and wear “whatever”? Will she feel pangs of horror as she looks back on her pics of this super special backyard wedding day, punctuated by an inflatable Halloween costume? 

Searching for T-Rex gifs is not disappointing.

Uhh, no. Apparently, the sister is totally fine with it—much to my disappointment, as I was hoping for a knock-down, drag-out, white trash wedding meets T-Rex fight on the back lawn of this Nevada homestead. “My sister is awesome and I genuinely was not kidding when I said she could wear whatever she wanted,” Deanna Adams, bride, sister, and apparently super forgiving person told the Daily Mail. Christina, the maid of honor, also told the Daily Mail that she sent Deanna a text in advance asking if it was okay if she wore the costume, and she took it off right after the ceremony and wore a dress to the reception because it was super hot.

I mean, if the bride is fine with it, whatever. Invite us to your next shindig, though, so I can break out my Cookie Monster outfit and do a quick costume change into my wacky waving arms inflatable tube man ensemble.

Images: Shutterstock; NYPost / Twitter; Giphy