If you’re noticing that a lot of couples around you are breaking up right now, it’s not just in your head. Right now — in the midst of the holiday season, as you’re coming off the high of Thanksgiving and heading into Christmas — is one of the most common times for people to break up. Actually, to be extremely specific, December 11 is the most common breakup day of the year.
Now, you may be thinking, “What about December 11, in particular, that makes it the worst day for people in relationships?” Before you start blaming Sagittarius season, there are a few other things at play here that you should consider. Katie Dissanayake, co-founder and CEO of the dating app After, explains that the holiday season may play a huge part.
Why Do People Break Up So Much On December 11?
“The holidays really have a way of turning up the heat — and not always in the romantic sense we’d hope for,” Dissanayake tells Betches. “From the pressure of meeting the family (your partner’s mom asking, ‘So, when are you two tying the knot?’ on loop) to realizing your partner is definitely the kind of person who claps when the plane lands — it’s a lot.”
Sure, the holidays are fun and cozy, but they also cause a lot of stress and heightened tension. And what happens when you’re tense and overstimulated? A lot of irritability and conflict.
Plus, the holidays are usually a time when people are exploring a lot of new firsts in their relationships. And Dissanayake explains that these new experiences can lead to new realizations about incompatibilities, especially surrounding travel preferences and traditions.
“Following Thanksgiving, daters might have just met each other’s families, perhaps even visited their partner’s hometown, and that’s when couples start asking themselves big questions,” she says. “Are we ‘matching pajamas’ serious, or are we still at the ‘send a funny meme and see where it goes’ level?”
That, compounded with figuring out gifts for your S.O. and their freakishly large and opinionated family, seeing said family at holiday parties eating odd food, and, of course, watching all the other couples on Instagram look like they’re having a way better time than you — “it’s a recipe for reevaluating the relationship,” Dissanayake says.
But December 11 isn’t a ticking time bomb for everyone in a relationship (so no need to circle it on your calendar). There are ways to make sure you get through the holidays and survive breakup day.
How To Survive Breakup Day With Your Relationships Still Intact
Breakups suck, and if we really love our partners, we obviously don’t want them to happen to us — especially with Valentine’s Day just a hop and a skip away. So if you’re looking for ways to batten down the hatches as you make your way through breakup day, here are a few ways to do so.
Be Honest About Your Family
Sure, we all love our families, but we also know that they can be fucking weird — especially for an outsider.
“Before introducing your partner to family or friends, it’s very important to sit down as a couple and have an open conversation about traditions, dynamics, and any differences that may take the other by surprise,” Dissanayake says.
Are you guys big singers? Is your uncle bound to go on a rant in favor of raw milk? Or worse, is your family a Christmas Day hike kind of family? These are all things you need to lay out for your partner to know.
No Surprise Gifts
If you guys have multiple years under your belt, this doesn’t apply to you. But if this is your first holiday as a couple, you may want to forego the whole “surprise gift” thing.
“Are we talking ‘thoughtful homemade playlist’ vibes or ‘luxury handbag’ territory?” Dissanayake encourages you to ask. “Setting a budget and being honest about financial situations during this time of year is important to avoid disappointment during this time of year.”
Because no one wants to deal with the horror of watching your S.O. open a gift and immediately see a rush of disappointment on their face.
Appreciate Each Other
Listen, the holidays aren’t all mistletoe and tinsel. They can be fucking frustrating, especially when things like “travel delays” and “family interrogations” come into play. So remember to remind your partner that you appreciate them and that you’re grateful (it is the holiday season, after all).
“Practicing gratitude might just be the duct tape that holds your relationship together during the season of chaos,” Dissanayake says.
And this is super easy to do. The holidays are just one time of the year — how has your partner been every other step of the way? Remind yourself of how much you love them, and try not to harp too much on negativity or things that go wrong.
