The only thing that keeps me right side up during the fall months, when sunlight becomes a luxury, and Aperol spritzes become entirely too impractical, is the warm welcome of the holiday season. From Thanksgiving to whichever socioreligious December celebration gets you free shit from your relatives to New Year’s Eve, there are a lot of opportunities to jingle bell rock out the rest of the year. But the back-to-back months of social gatherings aren’t always so social for everyone.

Whether your loved ones are too far away to spend time together this year or you’re actively taking space from family to protect your mental health, spending the holidays by yourself can be a bit of a daunting task. But, rest assured, a solo Thanksgiving or quiet Christmas doesn’t have to be the end of the world. In fact, if you put your mind to it, it can be the rejuvenating fresh start we all pretend is a given despite Corporate America banging down our doors bright and early the minute we open our eyes the morning after Christmas. So what should you do when the most wonderful time of year is going to include some silent nights? Here are the best tips on how to spend the holidays alone.

Top Mental Health Tips For Spending The Holidays Alone

Shift Your Perspective

Easier said than done, I know, but I promise there is something to be grateful for underneath the pressure or disappointment of not having a Brady Bunch-style dinner table to sit at. As Dr. Jeannelle Perkins, LMFT-S told Betches, there are some practical methods to bring this gratitude to the surface on days that can be difficult. “Write down three things you’re grateful for, whether it’s a warm cup of tea, a kind message, or a moment of peace,” Dr. Jeannelle explains.  

Looking back at each of the amazing days you’ve had this year already, as well as the additional fun plans you have coming up, can be a reminder that one singular day does not define you. If there’s a reason you’re not with family who you may be minimizing contact with, think about all the stress you’re protecting your peace from by choosing not to keep up toxic patterns. Come on, heart health!!

Thanksgiving is still a Thursday, Hanukkah is still eight days in December, etc., and you are here on earth to enjoy it. It’s okay to be frustrated, nostalgic, or emotional about not having the specific holiday you’ve dreamed of, but doing whatever you need to do to keep yourself mindful of the fact that today will pass instead of letting yourself spiral is key. That being said, don’t hold feelings in — Dr. Jeannelle advises to “allow space for any emotions you feel.” Get your Big Feelings out with a journal, a preparatory therapy sesh, or, yes, a good cry, and keep it pushing, babe.

Stay Off Social Media

The easiest way to keep yourself grounded is to refrain from coveting the picture-perfect images your friends post on social media. I know their festive tablescape, bubbly champagne, and expensive gifts might look like the life you always wanted, but you rarely see the cons of anyone’s homelife as those tend to get much fewer likes on IG. Instead of comparing yourself to others, expressing gratitude is key because “gratitude can shift your focus to what you have rather than what’s missing,” Dr. Jeannelle explains.

Even if your bestie/frenemy is having the best freaking day ever, there are glory days you’ve experienced that others haven’t. Everyone has to take some Ls and hopefully more Ws in life (yes, even Beyoncé has something I’m sure she could complain about), so think of this as a part of the universe’s balancing act. If spending the day alone is your situation to cope with, let it be a reminder of the other wonderful assets you have in life that people would kill for.

Give Back To Your Community

If you want to get out of the house without having to finagle high-pressure plans, there are plenty of giving-back opportunities all season long to refocus your mind on something bigger than yourself. Food kitchens, shelters, environmental groups, and youth groups would appreciate your helping hands more than your bossy MIL, anyway. I encourage you to make Google your best friend or see what’s posted at your public library.

Phone A Friend

No, seriously, a quick FaceTime with a trusted member of your support system might be the quick pick-me-up you need to remind yourself of how loved you are. As Dr. Jeannelle puts it, “Connection is vital, even if it’s virtual” because “knowing others are thinking of you can provide a sense of belonging.” Pro-tip: schedule this call ahead of time before the day gets chaotic/boozy/busy for the person you’re trying to reach. If you happen to have another solo homie somewhere remote, you can even virtually co-view a cozy movie over the phone.

Treat Yourself With Comfort Foods And Activities

TBH, some of us don’t mind riding solo because we’ve learned that the times we can plan without accounting for anyone else’s opinion are a special kind of treat. Book a fancy dinner at your favorite restaurant, plan a museum visit, or set up a spa treatment that you get to enjoy without anyone yapping in your ear when it’s time to come or go. If you’re a Broadway babe, you can book the best seat in the theatre since you only need one. If you’re a Film Guy™, pop off with the largest size popcorn at the movies. If you’re a hiking queen, hit the trails, mama.

Whatever your long-lost hobby is, the one you’re always wishing you had time for (baking, sewing, taking a bath, or gardening of either variety), the time to indulge is now.  This is because, as Dr. Jeannelle shares, making the day “special just for you…can make the holidays feel intentional and comforting.” BTW, if anyone stares at you doing your thang alone, it’s just because you’re giving main character energy.

Catch Up On Sleep

The most underrated part of not having plans for the holidays is that you get to load up on Zzzs while everyone else is running around like a chicken with their head cut off. If I could ask Santa for extra hours in the day to sleep instead of toys, that would be my only request each and every year. Sleep in, have a slow morning, and move through the day at your natural pace without working on someone else’s schedule. And just because you’re celebrating solo Christmas doesn’t mean you can’t lounge in a pair of photo-ready overpriced pajamas.

Plan Ahead

Moral of the story here: whatever you plan to do, make that plan ahead of time. Even if you abandon your to-do list, having the structure as a backup will make you feel just as important as you really are. No matter how the day goes, “above all, be kind to yourself.” Those are the doctor’s orders!