The contestants on this season of Love Is Blind somehow manage to get worse and worse with each new drop of episodes. And while at this point I’ve side-eyed basically every person on the show, no one has given me as much of a visceral reaction as Chelsea.
I am a girl’s girl through and through, and Chelsea has done something that I absolutely hate her for — she made me agree with a man.
In one of the most eye-roll-worthy TV showdowns ever, Chelsea throws a tantrum at Jimmy for daring to hang out with his friends for a measly hour and a half. Meanwhile, she chose to stay in bed. Not content with just being annoyed, she steamrolls over Jimmy’s every valid argument like it’s her life mission. And just when you think it couldn’t get worse, she drops the bombshell about Jimmy and his friend’s history (something he clearly asked Chelsea to keep off-cameras out of respect for the friend).
Sure, the news about Jimmy’s past fling might stir up some mixed feelings, but can we all just take a moment to agree that outing him just wasn’t cool? Chelsea’s behavior was super toxic, and if you recognize yourself in any part of her in that episode, it might be time to take a step back and reassess.
While I would love to shake Chelsea and tell her to stop fucking up, sometimes being a toxic partner is the result of something much more complicated. It takes some tough conversations and a lot of self-work to get yourself out of whatever toxic cycle you’re in. But if you’re willing to put in the work (Chelsea, I believe in you!), here are some ways to hold yourself accountable and stop being toxic in a relationship. Not only does your partner deserve better, but you do too.
Take A Good Look In The Mirror
In a response on TikTok, Chelsea says that she’s done a lot of self work over the past year, but I didn’t see much of an admittance that her behavior wasn’t acceptable. And to get better, you really have to acknowledge that. If you already realized you’re toxic, that means that at least some sort of self-reflection is going on right now. Good, let’s lean into that.
Sometimes, we don’t even realize the emotional damage we’re doing to a partner because we don’t stop to think about the type of person we’re being. Taking note that you’re not being the best partner is a good step, but there’s a long journey ahead, buddy. Sit with yourself and pinpoint the actions you’re taking, how they’re making your partner feel, and why the fuck you’re still doing it. And if that’s not enough to jolt you try this trick: Would 10-year-old you be proud of the partner you’re being? Too harsh? Good. Be better.
Lucky for Chelsea, she can rewatch and study her toxic behavior on Netflix any time she wants.
Consider The Company You Keep
You’ve heard sayings like “birds of a feather,” and “you are the company you keep.” And if your immediate response is to roll your eyes, you might want to take a step back there.
We only see small glimpses of Chelsea’s friends and they all seem like they really care about her, but we don’t know what happens when they see her toxic behavior. In the same vein, you should be thinking about your own friends.
No one’s telling you to drop all your friends, but maybe take a second to think: are they really good people? Do you have friends that are holding you accountable for the way you treat your partner? Are they the type of people who treat their partners well? If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you might want to reconsider the people in your circle. They not only affect how you are as a partner, but also how you are as a person. And if you need some new friends, you can always try Bumble BFF.
Actually Listen To What Your Partner Is Saying
Sure, you might have come to the realization that you’re toxic on your own, but I’ll bet good money that your partner has already clued you in a few times. In the case of Jimmy and Chelsea, he tries to tell her several times that she’s acting irrationally and saying things that don’t make him feel great. I’m sure if you’ve been toxic to a partner before, you’ve heard similar pleas. And if the frustrated paragraphs and devastated phone calls didn’t make that light go off, I’m here to turn it on myself.
You can learn a lot about how you’re lacking as a partner if you just shut the fuck up and actually listened to what your partner says in an argument. Odds are they are giving you very detailed instructions on how to treat them. And while you’re an adult and someone should’ve taught you to “treat others how you want to be treated,” your partner is giving you a second chance to get it right. All you have to do is do it.
Apologize — And Mean It
If you’re the type of toxic person that refuses to admit when they’re wrong, I’m telling you now you’re not going to get very far in relationships — or life.
Chelsea apologizes to Jimmy after the argument, but it is a classic example of a bad apology. She stands by what she said, but says that her “delivery was bad,” showing she didn’t actually reflect on the argument at all. Then, she has the audacity to be upset with Jimmy for “throwing in the towel” over “one bad night.” She’s gaslighting him and turning it around on him, further pushing accountability away from herself.
When you’re genuinely trying to be a better partner (and person), you need to say you’re sorry when you mess up. Acknowledge your toxicity and then apologize for it. But don’t just say sorry to say sorry. You need to mean it.
But Then, Actually Change
Apologies mean nothing if you’re not going to change your actions. If you want to stop being toxic in relationships — then you’re going to have to actually stop. That means working to be better at communicating, showing up for your partner, and putting in the effort to actually change.
And for fuck’s sake, get some therapy! You can read all the self-help articles you want, but sometimes the reason you’re toxic AF is much more deeply-rooted than you thought. Chelsea joked in a TikTok that she has her therapist on speed dial. All I can say is, I hope it’s made some difference. We won’t be able to see if Chelsea really changed her actions until we catch up with the cast in a reunion, but fingers crossed.
Reflect On If You Actually Want To Be In A Relationship
Like many couples on Love Is Blind, I can’t really tell if Chelsea wants to be with Jimmy or just wants to be married.
If your toxic behavior is a reflection of how you feel about your partner, first of all, UGH, but second of all, it’s time to figure out if you actually want to be with them or not. Because let’s get real — if you really cared about your partner and wanted to be with them, you would be doing everything you can to show up as the best version of yourself. And if you’re truly not called to do that, even for their sake, it might be time to have an honest conversation and break things off.
That’s why I was cheering Jimmy on when he finally told Chelsea he didn’t want to marry her anymore… but too bad it was short lived because he took her back in the span of about three minutes. See you guys at the reunion!
