How To Plan A Good Date When You Can't Coast On Your Looks Anymore

Every once in a while, when something horrible and unexpected happens like you end up catching feelings or your boyfriend suddenly “has a birthday,” you may be required to plan a date. And while you are very specific in the types of dates you will accept from men, when it comes to planning dates of your own you’re like “…idk…do you like shots?” And look, caring about what is going on with other people has never been your strong suit, but if you’re planning a date you must actually like this person (insane but okay), so it is worth not fucking up. As a woman living in a world of fuckboys, you know what a bad date looks like—too long, too involved, and not enough alcohol. But what does a good date actually look like? I mean, as far as likelihoods go, having an enjoyable date with another man is right up there with seeing Kylie Jenner with a newspaper. So how does one end up enjoying a date? Well, alcohol, mostly. But you already know that. Here are five tips for ensuring that the first date you plan is not also the last thing you do before he ghosts you forever.

Don’t Get Too Fancy

Not only will this save you money, it’ll also keep things chill and relaxed. Like, sure, you want to go to NYC’s hottest restaurant in theory, but once you show up for your reservation and realize that your table is sandwiched between some sports guy you vaguely recognize and Ivanka Trump, you’ll be second guessing your choice of crop top, and your date will def wish he’d left his RompHim at home. (Sidebar: If your date shows up wearing a RompHim, call the police.) Try going to a place that everybody likes, but is also chill, like Roberta’s Pizza in Brooklyn. It makes the top 10 of every Brooklyn eatery list, but it’s still pizza, aka the chillest of all foods.

Group Activities Are For Children

As tempting as an adult trampolining class may seem, avoid group activities like the plague. Getting to know one person is difficult enough without adding a gaggle of randos whose chill level you cannot vouch for into the picture. Just think about how many strangers you develop an intense hatred for on a daily basis. Chances are, at least one of these will be in your group, and then you’ll be faced with a very difficult decision. Do you roast this person and show your potential bae your bitchy side before it’s time? Or do you stand there with a smile pretend you give a fuck about Kyle from Wisconsin’s Grandmother’s Cheese Soda recipe? Both seem unbearable.

Screw Being Original

Look, I’ve seen rom coms. I know that “magical” dates are supposed to be original and personal and involve flower petals. But honestly, fuck all that noise. If you know of a date that sounds good or works, do that. Like, if your best friend and her fiancé sealed the deal on one of those NYC hour-long wine cruises, why reinvent the wheel? I mean, realistically your entire personal style, Instagram captions, and political views are all stolen from somewhere, so why not also steal your date ideas? At least this low level thievery might get you laid. 

Stay Indoors

Or at least, keep it indoor/outdoor. IDK if you’ve seen the sorry excuse for summer we’ve been having lately, but you should always account for the fact that it may start raining and suddenly your very sweet Prospect Park picnic has turned into a backyard mud wrestling event, and it’s not even the sexy kind that guys like. Obviously rooftop bars and the aforementioned hour-long booze cruises are all good, but maybe save the hiking for your third or fourth date. Or never. Never is also a really good option.

If All Else Fails, Groupon

Listen, when it comes to planning a good date, you’re going to have to relinquish some of your pride (I know it’s hard, and you have a lot, but hear me out) and just get a fucking Groupon for something cool. Whatever. You don’t have time to be original. Honestly, this dude is lucky that you’re even planning a date for him in the first place, given how many Netflix and Chills you’ve dealt with in your life. The fact that you just dropped $29 on a hookah/drinks/appetizer package (a legit deal that I just found) should honestly make you wife material instantly. 

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.