How Do I Make Friends As A Transfer Student? Dear Betch

Got a fucked-up problem only The Betches can solve? Email us at [email protected] and you just might get a response.

Dear Betch
So I cannot stand my boyfriends mom. Like at all. I have never disrespected her, I’ve always been super polite and super nice because it’s just the way I was raised. I’ve always bit my tongue when it comes to her. It’s getting to the point where I think I might lose my mind. I live with my boyfriend and his mom. I moved here because of some family issues and my boyfriend just thought I’d be safer and better off with him. Well I’m a super clean person. I’m always cleaning and picking up stuff around my house. Well… when I moved in I was shocked as all hell to see the FILTH in his house. His mother is hoarder. And it’s so bad. The house is full of clutter and dirt and it reaks the smell of dog. Now majority of the time she’s gone. She’s a teacher and tutors after school so she gets home kinda late. When I first moved in I fell into a pretty bad depression. I wouldn’t talk to anyone, I wouldn’t really go out and I slept majority of the time. Being in her house just made me so sick. Hell it still does but I’m working now and it’s getting better.

Well anyway. Aside from her being a filthy, lazy, slob… she’s the BIGGEST hypocrite I have ever met. My boyfriend and I both smoke cannabis. She use to smoke cannabis as a teenager. My boyfriend and I both use to smoke cigarettes. Well I managed to quit and I also managed to get him to quit which she has never been able to do. She wears to god that we’re ruining our lives. My boyfriend is a manager at a local sonic and he’s working to become a GM and he wants to work his way up to the top. And he’s doing so good but she’s constantly telling him he’s a failure and he’s going nowhere. She doesn’t see how that affects him. It kills me that she puts him down like that. I spend so much time trying to cheer him up because of the things she says. She swears that cannabis is making us sick. I’ve always been able to ignore her until one day she really crossed the line. She came in and just started bitching about us and said that we’re losers and that we need to stop smoking pot and she looked me dead in the eyes and said that I was a drug addict and that I’m ruining her son. FIRST OF ALL my boyfriend was smoking before we even met. SECOND since we’ve been together, he’s quit smoking cigarettes, he’s gotten a car, and we’re saving up to move into an apartment within the next two months. If anything I’ve helped him. I haven’t ruined her son. I have tried to be nice to her and I’ve tried making friends but I know she doesn’t like me. And I know it’s only because I smoke. She doesn’t want her son with me because she wants him to be with someone who doesn’t smoke and will make him quit. But what she doesn’t realize is that he won’t be with anyone who doesn’t smoke because cannabis is a big part of his life. We both struggled with depression as young teens and we both use cannabis to self medicate. I honestly hate this woman. It’s to the point where just hearing her come home makes my blood boil and I just wanna scream all these nasty things to her and tell her how bad of a mother she is. I don’t know what to do. Please help me before I screw something up

Sent from my iPhone

K so I know this email is a month old and IDK how relevant my advice is anymore, but I’m going to give it anyway. Y’all have more issues than Vogue tbh. Your first step is to MOVE TF OUT OF YOUR BF’S MOM’S HOUSE. There really is no other solution here. You can’t talk to her about cleaning since it’s her house, you can’t clean her shit for her since if she’s a hoarder she’s probs got attachment issues to all her shit—so you’ve gotta go.

As far as the other shit… She may have smoked weed when she was a teenager, but like, are you smoking in her house? IDK why but I got that impression and that’s not cool at all. Why does your boyfriend’s mom even know you smoke in the first place? Your boyfriend’s mom, along with all parents in your life, should think you’re a virginal angel who’s never done anything bad in her life—not that you self-medicate with weed (a whole separate issue; consider therapy). Nothing you can do about it now because the cat’s out of the bag, but for future reference don’t talk to your SO’s parents about your copious drug use, no matter how “big a part of your life” it is. 

Just play nice with your boyfriend’s mom because this is not a battle you’re ever going to win, and keep supporting your boyfriend when she puts him down. And for the record, who says “cannabis”? Just say “weed” like a normal fucking person.


Dear Betch,

Last falI I transferred from a small private college to a large state school because of my major. At my old college, I was popular, outgoing, on the cheerleading team, etc. Here at my new school, i’m feeling a little out of place. I’ve been here for months and while I have a small group of friends, I’ve developed a reputation of being more quiet and reserved than the life of the party, like I used to be. I want to start over but don’t know how to suddenly do so without making everyone think I have two personalities or something. Any advice on how to ditch my new rep and start over as the confident Betch I once was?

Not Wanting To Be Kevin Wendell Crumb

K so I have no idea who Kevin Wendell Crumb is, so maybe your first issue is you make obscure references? Second, you’re making a way bigger deal out of this than it is. Nobody’s going to think “Wow, the new girl was shy at first and now that she’s warmed up to things she’s acting more confident—she’s totally got multiple personalities!” No. That’s a normal progression that happens to people when they’re outside of their comfort zone. If you want to be more confident and fun, just fucking do it. “Fake it til you make it,” as they say. Join some new clubs, maybe consider rushing a sorority (those tend to be big in large state schools), try out for cheerleading—basically anything that doesn’t involve sitting alone in your dorm room and overthinking things.

Everything you’re going through is normal and to be expected for someone who went from being a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a big pond. So like, don’t stress. I get why you would, but it’s not productive (aka what I tell myself everytime I go into a stress spiral about something minute).

Got a fucked-up problem only The Betches can solve? Email us at [email protected] and you just might get a response.