Whether you’re into the guy you’re seeing or your mom’s just been pressuring you to settle down and give her grandkids, you’ve decided you’re actually going to date someone and do the whole relationship thing for once. Rather than going on a dating app or (god forbid) putting yourself out there, you’ve decided you want to take things to the next level with the guy you’re already hooking up with. Just because you started as a late-night hookup doesn’t mean you can’t transition to brunch date in a chill way. It doesn’t have to involve a serious talk, and it definitely shouldn’t involve going through his Instagram DMs. Here are some tips for how to get him to commit without freaking him out.
1. Stop Responding To Late Night Texts
They say dress for the job you want, but in your case, text for the relationship status you want. There’s nothing wrong with meeting up late at night if you’re both working late or if it “works with your schedule,” but be honest with yourself when it comes to hanging out drunk past 2AM. If you’re actually compatible because you have crazy schedules, you can still enforce an initiate before 10pm rule. If he doesn’t text you before 10pm to make plans, he hasn’t thought about you before 10pm. He’s keeping you as a last resort.
If you think you might want to date him more traditionally, just stop responding to any late night texts no matter how bad you want to see him. If he texts you “where you at” at 11PM, just wait until the morning to respond. Keep your responses short and simple and let him offer to make a plan if he really wants to see you. For example, if he says, “Wanna come over and watch a movie?” and it’s clearly a last-minute booty call, text him back the next day, “Sorry I missed this. next time!” Skip the “let me know earlier” or “maybe if you make a plan” because he’ll just read it as bitter. If he’s not an idiot he’ll figure it out. And if he is an idiot, maybe stop responding to all of his texts altogether.
2. Don’t Play Games
Okay, you can play some games. But the games where you leave Tinder open on your phone so he knows you’re not exclusive? Don’t do that shit. If you act like he’s a fuckboy, he will gladly accept his fuckboy role. Aren’t men just the greatest?? Just because he hasn’t had the exclusive talk yet doesn’t mean you need to shove it in his face that you’re dating other people. You can say yes to other dates if you want to say yes to them, but don’t go out of your way to prove a point. Petty games leads to a petty relationship, and, most often, no relationship at all.
3. Cook For Him
You’re already attracted to each other, and he’s already hooking up with you, so show him what it might be like to date you during daylight hours. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t already do, but if there’s a breakfast you always make for yourself, make it for him when he stays over. Or if he hits you up after work, ask him if he wants to come over for the casual dinner you’re already making. Keep it casual and comfortable, as opposed to making a big deal out of a fancy meal you never even cook for yourself. Any extravagant effort to prove yourself is just going to make him wonder what you’re trying to cover up. Your fear of being alone, duh, but he doesn’t need to know that.
4. Don’t Offer To Meet Up Unless He Asks You
If you’re already out having a chill night with your friends and he hits you up, don’t invite him to come through unless he asks you to hang out. Unless you’re at the coolest party ever and you think he should be there, show that you have your own life outside of a relationship/your booty call. He’s obviously interested in you if you’re hooking up, but some guys are afraid of relationships only because they don’t want to uproot their life just for another person. If you’re organically hanging out when you’re both free instead of dropping everything to run into each other’s arms, he’ll feel that your relationship (and your emotional state) is balanced enough to keep seeing you.
5. Be Honest About What You Want If It Comes Up
If he asks you what you’re looking for, be as honest as you can. Playing the chill girl card will only make him think you’re cool with just hooking up. If you are looking for a relationship in the long run, mention that. You don’t have to make it specific to him, but you can tell him you’re hoping to meet someone and date more seriously down the road if he asks you what you hope to get out of dating. If he’s really into you, he’ll want to lock it down before you find what you’re looking for somewhere else.
6. Watch A Show Together Or Share A Routine Only You Two Have
Sharing something together that’s not just your bodily fluids is a way to see if you two get along outside of sex. Start watching a show together or share a routine that’s unique to you, and I don’t just mean the 30 seconds of Netflix you put on right before he starts kissing your neck. That way when something that reminds him of the show (or your book club or whatever the fuck) comes up, he’ll think about you in a non-sexual way. It’s like classical conditioning and he’s the Pavlovian dog. See dad, my Bachelors degree in psychology totally paid off.
