Get Your Flirt On: Weekly Horoscopes February 1-5

Venus makes its way from no-fun Capricorn (sorry, Capricorn) into light and bubbly Aquarius this week, meaning we all are going to have to resist the urge to make googly eyes at every marginally attractive person we see. Sidenote: Is it possible to fall in love with someone even though you’ve only seen the top half of their face? Because if so, me and my Postmates guy really might have something going….


Pump the breaks! Whether you’re actually dealing with the east coast blizzard or not, now is the perfect for a mental snow day. You’ve been going full steam ahead trying to make 2021 make up for 2020, but now it is time to slow your roll. Take the pressure off yourself this week and let someone else worry about [insert societal ill you’ve been obsessed with lately] for a change.


With your ruler Venus heading into Aquarius this week, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish! Be prepared to level up in all aspects of your life, whether it be finally hitting a new fitness goal or actually waking up with your first alarm. And you’d always thought that was physically impossible.


With Venus in free-spirited Aquarius, you’re feeling light as a feather and ready to get your flirt on. Let’s hope the cute guy who lives across the hall is ready for some heavy eye contact, because this week you can’t help yourself. Just don’t do anything that would make it uncomfortable when you run into him every day…


Vulnerable? Cancer? Groundbreaking. This week Venus’ sojourn into Aquarius has you feeling extra intimate. Yes, this could translate to lots of, ahem, intimate time with your partner, but just make sure they have a tissue handy. This is one of those have-incredible-sex-then-start-randomly-crying kinds of weeks.


Venus in Aquarius in your House of partnerships means Valentine’s Day has come early for you, Leo! You just can’t help but tell your loved one how much you love them, and may even feel inspired to leave them little gifts to show you care. And yes, it is totally valid for that “loved one” to be a cat.


Venus? Virgo? It’s a match made in heaven—literally. Now is the perfect week to take on that thing you’ve been procrastinating. You know the one I’m talking about. With Venus in your corner, there is no to-do list too long, no inbox too messy, and no clothes pile too big. Get to it!


You know the part of every Disney movie where the princess realizes there’s more to life than what she’s getting at home and sets her heart to seeing the world? That’s you this week, Libra. You’re ready to bust out and see the world anew. Just don’t forget to double-mask.


No need to issue you a stay-at-home order, Scorpio. The stars have taken care of that. This week, you will be quite content to stay the f*ck inside, minding your business, eating your food, and watching every single thing Netflix has to offer (again). If only the rest of America were like you, we’d be in a way better place.


You can’t help it that you’re so popular, archer. You’re picking up on Venus’ playful vibes and you’re at your best, most charming self. You’re crushing it at Zoom happy hour, slaying on Slack, and bringing all the LOLs in your group chat. Just don’t forget to thank the little people when you win the Mark Twain Prize for Humor.


Trying to figure out what to do with all your GameStop money? Now is the perfect time. With Venus hanging out in your financial sector, you’re ready to dream big about your financial future, and start saving away for a big ticket item. Not everyone’s husband can get them a Peloton as a gift.


It’s still your season, and with Venus now entering your sign, things are about to get wild for you—in a good way. This charming, flirty planet will be helping you be your most charming, flirty self. In other words, your celestial DMs are open. Let the games begin!


Don’t be surprised if you catch yourself daydreaming even more than usual this week, Pisces. You can thank Venus for that. This week you’re cranking your spacey fairy vibes up to 11, leaving some people to wonder if you might need to chill on the vape pen. But those guys are just narcs anyway, man.

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Images: Sarah Noltner / Unsplash; Giphy (12)
Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.