Get Rid Of Your Sh*t: Weekend Horoscopes May 7-9

Hug your mom, vow to eat more salad in time for summer, and embrace the weekend, everybody. It’s time, once again, to look to the stars and wonder if, just maybe, we’re in for something chill.

There’s already been so much good news this week. More people are getting vaccinated, Trump has been banned indefinitely from social media, we all have an equal chance of matching with Bill Gates on Tinder, and warmer weather is settling in. C’mon, stars—give us those positive vibes in our personal lives.


Sleep in and get your dreams on, Taurus. The universe is going to unleash some weird sh*t once you’re asleep, so keep a notepad or your phone close by so you can jot down all the insane sh*t that goes through your brain. Venus is on the move Saturday night and Sunday, so use those vibes to explore your material possessions. Translated another way: Go through your old sh*t and the sh*t you don’t fit into and donate it.


It’s all about friendship this weekend, Gemini, so if you and your besties have gotten vaccinated, go tf out and have a drunk brunch. Not vaccinated? I can think of no better lady date than heading to your nearest Walgreens together to get stuck with needles. The second half of the weekend you’ll be #feelingyourself , so make plans for a date night with your S.O. or take the plunge on that Tinder match you’ve been on the fence about.


You’ll close out the workweek on a career high, Cancer, so carry that energy into the weekend. If you’ve been killin’ it at work, don’t be afraid to dedicate an hour or two to a project your boss wants done this Saturday. Continuing on that trend, maybe it’d be a good idea to grab a beer or two with a coworker on Saturday night. Team building and networking could pay off later, even if it’s kinda painful now.


Learn something new this weekend, Leo. Maybe you can open up that Duolingo app and pick your French back up, oui? Or maybe you can read a book by someone other than a former Bachelor contestant? Idk. Sunday you’ll feel the need to break out of the house and do something exciting, so we’d recommend a hike up the side of a mountain with a reward (see: alcohol) at the end.


Communication is key this weekend, Virgo. Make time for phone calls with mom, meetups with friends, and long, drawn-out convos about nothing in particular with your S.O. Sunday is a great day to update your resume, peruse jobs and side hustles, and, just maybe, get a head start on a few work emails for Monday. The stars want you to succeed—go f*cking figure.


Plan to spend time with your S.O. or bestie this weekend, Libra, because the stars are lining up for great partnership vibes. Maybe you can bring up buying that patio set without a fight ensuing! Or maybe you can convince them that yes, a 10-day vacation is absolutely worth maxing out the credit cards. Like, you’ve been trapped for a year; you earned it.


Examine your self-care habits, Scorpio. Aside from drinking more water, eating real vegetables that don’t come on pizza/tacos/stir-fry, and cutting toxic people from your life, it may be a good weekend to have an important convo with someone close to you, like your mom or S.O. Self-care means upping that positive energy, babe, and you can’t do that with negative comments weighing you down.


Time for projects, Sagittarius; and this weekend, that could mean anything from painting a random wall in your house because you saw it on Pinterest to doing #work on your boyfriend to psychologically push him to putting his f*cking wet towels in the hamper. Sunday is actually a great day for partnerships, so maybe projects related to, or involving, the latter could be fruitful.


Do work at home and on your turf this weekend, Capricorn. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s finally time to wash your sheets or dust your baseboards. The stars are actually pushing you to make your nest ideal in every way—and that includes having much needed convos with people you live with. Has your roommate crossed the line for the last time? Is your cat’s total lack of respect for you simply no longer tolerable? Communication is actually in your corner, so don’t be afraid to do some housekeeping of a different kind.


Read a book, Aquarius, or, better yet, take an online class—like one of those expensive cooking ones where you pay a bunch of money for Gordon Ramsey to yell at you. If you somehow can’t get that together by this weekend, we’d recommend dining out and learning about a new cuisine, or taking a hike and learning about which mushrooms to forage and which to like, really not touch.


It’s all about money this weekend, Pisces. Examine your finances and try not to take stock advice from people on Reddit threads, even if their memes are hilarious. Instead, invest in something real, like whatever the opposite of Dogecoin is. Sunday is a great opportunity for you to relax and catch up on binge watching Sesame Street with the kids in your life. Elmo has some really catchy tunes lately, so you can look forward to those bops being stuck in your head.


You’re feeling on top of the world this weekend, Aries. Plan on honoring yourself all day Saturday by sleeping in, grabbing lunch and drinks with friends, then coming home early so you can be in bed by 9pm. Honestly, it’s all about balance. Use Sunday to get a head start on something that’s been a goal for awhile, like cooking your way through a complicated Bon Appétit recipe or hand-writing thank-you notes from your wedding two years ago.

Images: Marco Testi / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson