The 'Fresh Prince' Cast Had A Reunion, So Let's Remember All The Times Hilary Banks Was Queen

If you’re looking for an excuse to drunkenly rap the entire Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song, then you’re in luck because the Fresh Prince cast had a reunion. First things first, Rest In Peace Uncle Phil. As far as rich uncles with a hard exterior and a soft heart goes, you were one of the greats. Other than spending way to much time mentally comparing Jeffrey and Dorota or trying to figure out what the fuck Jaden Smith is talking about, we haven’t really thought about the Fresh Prince cast since the last time somebody brought up the “who was the better Aunt Viv?” debate. The answer will forever and always be the old Aunt Viv, btw. But this throwback brought back the ultimate west coast betch: Hilary Banks. TBH Cher Horowitz and Marissa Cooper can sit the fuck down because Hilary “hell is like the Valley” Banks is the reigning queen.

Hilary’s personality was based on the three tenants: don’t be easy, don’t be poor, don’t be ugly. Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar. So here’s a drinking game for the rest of this Hilary tribute: take a sip for every time you mentally say “same” and do a shot for every time you say “goals.” Make sure you have enough alcohol before reading the rest.

In her early years, Hilary was really good at not doing work. She quit the violin because it made her break out and she didn’t want her life to be a Noxzema commercial. She quit ballet because it fucked up her pedicure. She quit cheerleading because they made her ride a school bus to the away games, and even in a world before Uber, Hilary did not fuck with anything resembling public transportation.

Random people continuously mistook her for Whitney Houston, which in the late 1980s was a BFD. This was pre-crack Whitney, so being compared to her was like being compared to Beyoncé.

Whether she was complaining about the weather (even when she was a TV meteorologist), calling her dad for literally anything, going to a psychic, or spending a shit ton of money on her hair, Hilary’s life was a performance art version of The Betch List.

Much like nice girl Rory Gilmore, Hilary dropped out of UCLA (bc who gives a shit about college after tailgate season ends?) and moved into her parents’ pool house. But instead of planning parties for her grandmother’s friends, Hilary became a talk show host. She was the Oprah we need—imagine her doing an episode about Instagram pics. I would bet money this plot line inspired Tyra Banks’ show.

To announce her engagement to another TV host, Trevor—who she lied about hooking up with to her parents for almost a full season—she had him bungee jump to his death. And we’re out here dodging 2am “wyd?” texts. If Hilary were a 20-something living in 2017, she’d be deeply committed to read receipts and obsessed with Bumble.

But Hilary is truly the second coming of Jesus because she asked the iconic question: “Since coffee is made from beans, does that make it a vegetable?”

So pour out some Dom Perignon for one of the 90s’ flyest women, Hilary Banks. And props to Karyn Parsons for both bringing this iconic character to life, and for looking fantastic a full 20 years later:

Always amazing to spend an afternoon with my Fresh Prince family. Wishing that James Avery was still with us to make this complete.

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Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.