Real Housewives of Potomac star Dr. Wendy Osefo has not one, not two, not three, but four degrees. If you can hear her say, “No, my degrees are not who I am, but goddamn it, I earned them shits,” then welcome. You are the target audience. She is a professor at Johns Hopkins University. She also has a candle/home line called Onyi, two breast implants nicknamed Happy and Ness, and insanely cute kids — a true Renaissance woman of our generation.
She has the best posture I’ve ever seen on a person, a style game that puts her castmates (and our office) to shame, making her the perfect inductee for our Hall of Betches.
HALL OF BETCHES INDUCTION:
DR. WENDY OSEFO
First up: What was your go-to lunch when you were a kid?
My go-to lunch when I was a kid was probably ramen noodles, but I would season them, not just with the season packet, but with other seasonings. Like what? Listen, I turned my ramen noodles into a Nigerian meal. It was very good. I love it ’til today.
Uh, yah, sounds amazing. What is your death row meal?
Oh, my death row meal. I am a seafood fanatic, so it would be a seafood medley. I love this fish, and it’s cooked with onions and scallions. Not to make this sad, but my stepfather is the only person who can make it, and he passed away. Until today, it burns me that I can never taste that taste ever again. It’s my favorite meal of all time.
There’s something about family recipes that are so hard to recreate. Looking back, what is your biggest fashion regret as a kid?
My biggest fashion regret? I relaxed my hair when I was really, really young and I wish I didn’t. I feel like I would have really enjoyed my natural curls and texture now. So I wish I didn’t do that.
On the flip side, are there any fashion trends that you would like to see return?
I was big into the ’90s New York or 2000s New York fashion, where everyone wore motorcycle jackets. I would like to see that return. I always thought that was really sexy.
Absolutely, that’s a vibe. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress a crush?
The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done to impress a crush was I wanted to show off that my uncle had a really nice car. So we were at the mall and a black Mercedes pulled up, quote-unquote my uncle’s car. So I ran up to the car really fast, opened the door, and got in the back seat. Then, the driver turned around, tapped me on the leg, and said, “This is not your car.” I got into someone’s car in the rush to show off my uncle’s Mercedes Benz.
Nooooooooooooo, Did you just have to slink out of it?
Oh my god. Then I had to get out of the car on the same side that my crush was on and they looked at me like I thought this was… Oh my God. I ran. I ran so far. I ran so far away. I was so embarrassed.:
That’s a good one. Okay. Imagine you’re have a dinner party. Who are the five celebrity guests, dead or alive, that you would want at your dinner table?
Tupac, Oprah. Tupac, Oprah, Michael Jackson, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe. I would add honorable mention. I want to have River Phoenix.
Okay, that’s a wild card, but what a dinner. Now, be honest, how often do you Google yourself?
I don’t, but I do have Google Alerts on myself. Does that count? I don’t Google it, but if something happens, it’ll come to my phone.
So you get notifications?
Yeah. Like, what’s this blog lying about now?
That makes sense. Do you have a group chat with your castmates? And if you do, what’s it called?
We have several. We have one with all of us and then we have other ones where it’s just some of us, so I probably have five. We used to have one last year that had a name, but we disbanded that one. It was called the Flossy Posse.
While your phone is out, do you use your Notes app?
All the time. I live by it. I use it to write my Instagram captions. I use it to write my grocery list. I use it to remember things for my kids. Forget my texts. If my Notes app ever leaked, that would be something. It is my diary too. My New Year’s resolution, I can go and I could see all my resolutions for the past five years.
Wow. That’s genius. Lastly, if you could write the headline for this article, what would you write it as? What would you make the headline?
What would the headline be? Okay. It would be Dr. Wendy and Her Untold Crush on River Phoenix.
