To Whom It May Concern:
I am enquiring in regard to the Taylor Swift Reporter opening, for which I think I wouldn’t just be perfectly fine, but the ideal candidate for the role. I understand that you’re looking for someone unbiased, which I think I’d easily be described as. I see why some would call Taylor Alison Swift the greatest lyricist of our generation and simply feel grateful to walk the Earth at the same time as she does. Personally, I prefer listening to Katy Perry or Kanye West.
I feel that I am the only candidate with sufficient knowledge for the role, given that I have attended both the NYU course dedicated to Taylor Swift’s music and entrepreneurship, as well as the Stanford class focused solely on “All Too Well” (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version). You may notice in my resume that I did not attend either of these colleges, and that is correct. I happened to be in the vicinity of both classes and found an empty seat, although this should not be interpreted as an act of fandom. Nor should the hefty bribe I paid security once they were called. In both classes, I received the highest grades, although this hasn’t been recorded anywhere, given my lack of official enrollment.
I have five years of experience in journalism, during which time I have written for various publications. The majority of my work has been for my own blog, Betty and Her Cardigan, where I discuss music, style, entertainment, and poetry. Examples of my finest work include:
- Gaylor is Not a Conspiracy, It’s a Way of Life
- 20 Taylor Swift Songs I’d Like to Be Kidnapped To
- 34 Photos That Prove Taylor Swift Doesn’t Have a Bellybutton
Taylor Swift’s Handbag is Always Empty and I Can Prove It
Aside from my objectivity for the role, my skills include an ability to thrive under pressure and work well with others. I am a big believer in karma, so I never feel the need to settle petty squabbles myself. I’m both ambitious and driven, which will ensure I always sniff out the story. If that involves rifling through Taylor’s garbage or sitting outside of her window for hours, it will simply have to be done, regardless of my feelings on the matter! I have a lot of experience in driving the getaway car, so tailing Taylor is something I’m confident I could do, even though I naturally have never attempted this before. My background check may state otherwise, but this was simply a misunderstanding resulting from language differences in the UK.
Speaking of the UK, I saw that you’re seeking a willingness to travel, which will not be an issue for me. I am currently between homes and spend the majority of my time on the road. My favorite places to visit include London, New York, Nashville, Cornelia Street, Brooklyn, Watch Hill house in Rhode Island… Let’s just say, I know places to find her!
I also understand that this is a highly coveted position, and therefore I am willing to accept a lowered salary if that helps. I am a strong believer in the power of journalism, and recognize that these are stories that need to be told, even if I end up paying you instead.
Thank you for your time and willingness to choose the best candidate.
P.S. I noticed that you’re looking for more than one language, and I downloaded Duolingo last night and feel confident that I will have a solid grasp of German by the time I start. I feel this will prove to be relevant given Taylor’s heritage.
P.P.S. It would be such a shame if you found me not to be the right fit for this role. If that is the case, I’d love to discuss it in person, perhaps at a coffee shop next to 153-155 Franklin Street, New York, New York?
P.P.P.S. If you receive an application from someone with the screen name Enchanted2MeetU, please know that they not only listen to Scooter Braun-owned versions of her music, but they also went to a John Mayer concert in 2017.