“I always say people come in a Toyota and they drive out in a Rolls Royce,” Countess Luann de Lesseps says while telling the Betches office about her Countess Cabaret Show. Coming off the most recent season of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip: RHONY Legacy, Luann is preforming her cabaret show from coast to coast. After speaking with her for Hall of Betches, I can say with full confidence that the Countess is one of one. There is quite literally no one else on the planet like her. She is Real Housewives of New York royalty and she’s not going to let you forget it any time soon.
Luann has more catchphrases than Buzz Lightyear. Eggs a la Francaise! Chic C’est La Vie! Jovani! Don’t be all uncool! And she wears them like a badge of honor. Iconic behavior. It’s about damn time Luann was formally inducted into our Hall of Betches.
HALL OF BETCHES INDUCTION:
Luann de Lesseps
To start us off, what is your death row meal?
Eggs a la Francaise! *laughs* No, my death row meal is definitely a steakhouse meal, so a big, big prime rib steak and a double baked potato kind of situation. And creamed spinach! And a glass of red wine.
Delicious. You’re hosting a dinner party, you can have five guests, dead or alive, who are you inviting?
Joan Rivers, for sure. She’s so great. I got to work with her years ago. Let’s see, Joan Rivers, Frank Sinatra. I want to talk to him. Bradley Cooper. He’s alive so we can get some action there. Michelle Obama. And one more. Got the guy, girl… oh, Bette Midler. Or Barbra Streisand.
Would love to by a fly on the wall at that party. Who would play you in a movie?
Zero hesitation. And what would the title of that movie be about your life?
About my life? Cabaret on Steroids.
Perfect. What would you say is your weirdest obsession?
Weirdest obsession. Listerine breath spray. Obsessed. Remember Crappy Lake? It was like, thank God, after eating the testicles. So lucky I had that.
Listerine Spray 🤝 Testicle Breath. Looking back at your childhood, what’s your biggest fashion regret?
The dress I wore in the Miss Connecticut beauty pageant. It was like red sequin tackiness with the big hair from the 80s. It’s probably there somewhere.
You never know… it could come back in style.
Well, it’s not Jovani. Let’s put it that way!
Naturally! If you had to go into the Witness Protection Program, what would your fake name be?
Let’s see. Fake name would be… Cocoa Beans. Oh wait, Cocoa Cool. Because I kind of like how that goes too. Yeah, better than Beans.
Obsessed. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to impress somebody you had a crush on?
Well, I kind of backed my chair into Hugh Grant at a restaurant so I could get his attention, but I wasn’t really embarrassed, but everybody else was. They’re like, “How are you going to meet him?” I’m like, “Just watch.” And I do one of these, and I back up my chair. I go, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” And then that was it. The eyes locked. And then before you knew it, he was at my table — years ago — drinking tequila shots, me and my family. And we were making out at the table and my brother’s going, “I can’t believe you’re making out with Hugh Grant.” I said, “Me neither.”
Oh… my god? That’s the greatest story ever. Next, here’s a scenario: If you’re in the backseat of an Uber and it’s raining outside and you’re looking out the window and romanticizing your life, what song is playing in your head?
It’s Raining Men.
I sang it on The Masked Singer.
Yesssss, Hibiscus Queen! Okay, be honest. How often do you Google yourself?
I’m not a big Google person. I like to know people before I Google them. So I apply that to myself as well. Keeps me grounded.
A whole vibe, love it. What was the last thing you searched on your phone?
Oh god. Let’s see. Oh, I think I was looking up if somebody was single. Who was I looking up to find out if was single? Oh, David Spade. Oh, you know what? [I Googled] where can I watch RHONY Legacy for people that don’t have Peacock.
Did you find anything?
I was looking because my mother doesn’t have Peacock, so I was trying to find out where she can get it.
Could you give her your login?
She doesn’t have internet.
You have to go show it to her! Speaking of RHONY, do you have a group chat with your castmates?
Yes. It’s RNONY filles, in French because we were in St. Barth, so the filles is French for girls.
So it’s RHONY filles. F-I-L-L-E-S.
Got it, thank you.