You guys. You guys. I need you to look me deeply in the eyes. Repeat after me. “Berger. Was. Not. The. Worst. Sex. And. The. City. Boyfriend.” Apologies for the brainwashing, but, Berger Haters, I need to know if we have actually watched the same series. Because if we had, quite frankly I think this take would be lukewarm, room temperature, even!
“But the Post-it,” you might say. Sure, the Post-it heard around the world was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad way to break up with someone. But the man himself? Actually a pretty great match for Carrie who was thwarted by bad timing and circumstance. Don’t believe me? Allow me to plead my case.
Let’s set the scene. Carrie was newly off her second breakup with Aidan, the man with all the charisma of a thumb, and met Jack Berger via their shared book publicist. Instantly sparks were flying thanks to their shared ability to tête-à-tête some witty banter. Then… it’s revealed he’s got a girlfriend so Carrie distances herself and glistens in the Manhattan moonlight at her book party. But THEN… Carrie runs into Berger in the Hamptons, newly single and with a post breakup motorcycle (because men have the emotional bandwidth of a toothpick, but I digress). Sparks continue to fly and Carrie feels butterflies.
After some clunky first time sex — which who amongst us hasn’t had! — Carrie and Berger are in a romantic groove, even exchanging “I love yous” until she criticizes his book, playing on his insecurities about his success and his ex that cheated on him. Berger had some baggage no doubt. But this is what happens when you hop into a relationship too soon post-breakup!
Yes, Berger ends things on a Post-it, further emphasizing his insecure baby man issues, and yes, it’s wildly infuriating and hurtful (even though it gives us the “I got arrested for smoking a doobie!” episode). But Carrie and Berger actually had mojo! They had chemistry! Unlike Aidan, he actually loved her for who she was, and unlike Big he was both on her level and unafraid of commitment. I believe in a kinder world, some parallel TV universe out there, they are very happy in a Park Slope brownstone.
STILL don’t believe me?! Here’s a list of things Carrie suffered in relationships that were 10,000x more humiliating than being broken up with via Post-it.
- “Ran” into her serious boyfriend’s mother in church and he introduced her as “a friend.”
- Quit smoking for a man, not because she actually wanted to.
- Read a poem at a friend’s wedding while her long term boyfriend took a work call in the other room.
- Nearly was homeless because she impulsively moved in with her fiance she had no intention of marrying.
- Got dumped for cheating on her boyfriend in the middle of her best friend’s wedding.
- Quit her job to run off to Paris with a man she barely knew.
- Got dressed down by said man’s bitchy French daughter.
- Wandered Paris alone, stepped in dog shit, and was abandoned by the man she moved there for.
- Got left at the fucking alter the day of her wedding!!!!