“I’m not here for the foolishness,” asserts leading lady Charity in The Bachelorette Season 20 teaser trailer. And that’s unfortunate, because “foolishness” is exactly why the viewing public has tuned in. You didn’t have to do this to yourself, Charity. You’re a Columbus 11!!!
There’s been limited chatter leading up to The Bachelorette premiere since the general consensus is that Charity seems like a nice girl. If “nice” is the only adjective anyone can conjure to describe you, it’s an uphill battle to prove you’re not about to quarterback the least dramatic season in history.
For us at home, Night One™ is notoriously the toughest slog, especially with a by-the-book lead. So if you plan on Clockwork Orange-ing your eyes open until the new 11 pm end time, you may want to shirk the network’s infamous “2 drinks per hour” rule and imbibe with our aggressively-minded drinking game.
Act 1 – Take a sip of wine when:
🍷 Jesse Palmer gives Charity awkward fatherly advice
🍷 Charity forgets someone’s name immediately after learning it
🍷 A contestant white raps a diss track about Zach as his limo entrance
🍷 All the guys from the first limo crowd around the window to watch the entrances from the next and go “oh shit!!” every time someone new emerges, as if they didn’t know that there were more than eight contestants in a season
🍷 “My husband is in this room tonight.”
Act 2 – Take a shot of tequila when:
🥃 A contestant plans a mini “date” for Charity, like going into the driveway to play cornhole
🥃 Trauma dump to force emotional intimacy
🥃 An eager beaver “steals” Charity three times to “stand out”
🥃 A contestant gives Charity some dinky personal item and says “you can hang onto it for me, it’s a good luck charm” and Charity pretends to be touched before a producer throws it in a garbage bin off-camera
🥃 “Wow, I love that.”
Act 3 – Finish the bottle when:
🍾 Charity curtly asks, “can I walk you out?” after ripping into a contestant who’s revealed to be there for the wrong reasons
🍾 A contestant who decided to wear a costume gets increasingly uncomfortable as the night wears on
🍾 The first impression rose goes to Caleb (there’s a 10 percent chance!)
🍾 Out on the patio, Charity says she’s cold and instead of just giving her his jacket, her date takes that as an opportunity to awkwardly break the touch barrier
🍾 Rejected contestant despondently whispers, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
You can watch The Bachelorette premiere Monday, June 26th at 9 PM ET.
All images courtesy of ABC.