Believe it or not, it’s not always your partner’s fault that you can’t finish during sex (unless the person really sucks in bed, then it’s probably definitely their fault). Fortunately, there are ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm that YOU can control, like using specific sex positions, toys, and breathing techniques that will help you finally achieve that oh-so-elusive big O. I’m about to bless your sex life with five tips for how to orgasm so you can maybe *hopefully* have one or five the next time you hook up with someone.
1. Try Different Positions
If you’re anything like 100% of the population, then the missionary position probably isn’t your favorite. Switch things up! Get crazy. Invest in a Kama Sutra book, flip to any random page with your partner, then try it out. According to ~research~, doggy style and cowgirl are two of the best positions for female orgasms. The P to V angle is optimal for hitting the G-spot, which plays a part in whether or not you’re going to finish from penetration.
2. Build A Deeper, More Personal Connection
IDGAF who you are and what you say. Trust and comfort are HUGE factors of being able to orgasm with someone else. If you don’t trust the person you’re with or you’re uncomfortable being naked and/or intimate with them, then you probably shouldn’t be having sex with them you might want to consider building a more solid mental and emotional connection with the person rather than just a physical one.
3. Experiment With Toys
If you don’t already know, there are several types of female orgasms, with clitoral and vaginal orgasms being the most widely recognized. If you’re having a hard time achieving either one, play around with some toys. Have your partner stimulate you with a $30 multi-speed vibrator before/during sex, or use it on yourself! If you’re ballin’ and got cash to blow and desperately need to get off once and for all, you can also spend $2,000 to try to get your first orgasm.
4. Communicate Your Needs With Your Partner
Maybe you can’t cum because your partner doesn’t know what you like and what you need to make it happen. But you should ask yourself: do you even know what you like and need? If not, fuck around and figure it out, sis. Then communicate it to the person you’re banging. People aren’t mind readers, but we’re all adults here. Time to speak up and demand the orgasm you deserve kindly fill your partner in on what it’s gonna take to get you there.
5. Relax
The mind is one of the most powerful sex organs in the body. If you aren’t relaxed, chances are you’re not going to have an orgasm. Whether the sex lasts 36 seconds or 36 minutes, train your mind to calm down and live in the present moment.
Try breathing techniques that are meant to help you chill out. There’s legitimately even one called sushumna nadi pranayama, AKA “Orgasmic Breath,” which aligns your pelvic energy with the rest of your body to promote a universal state of relaxation… which then better enables you to catch that big O.
As hard as it may be (pun intended), focus on how good sex actually feels, and notice when and where your mind travels while you’re doing it. Forgot to send that non-urgent email at work before? Whatever. Worried about how the cellulite looks on your ass and thighs? Bitch, same. (Nobody notices or cares about that anyway, though.) Stop stressing about irrelevant shit and enjoy the ride before it’s time to get off. Literally.
