As tough as it is to accept, everyone deserves love, even the people you love to hate the most. And you know what? It’s kind of sweet when two scummy people find love together, because it’s like they suck so much that they deserve each other. Just think: Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne. Bella Thorne and Mod Sun. And now, Vanderpump Rules’ Scheana and Robby Hayes. They’re reality TV’s new golden couple, if the gold is merely spray paint. As much as I can’t stand the sound of Scheana’s voice and Robby’s very existence makes me question my own will to live, I’ve got to admit these two are perfect for each other. Here are 5 reasons Scheana and Robby Hayes were actually meant to be together.
1. Their Cringeworthy “Careers”
There are few careers that are more cringeworthy than being a professional reality television star, chief among them being an “influencer.” The job literally entails FaceTune, FitTea, and fake followers, and only Robby and the girls that I work out with at DogPound are shameless enough to call themselves “influencers” and expect people to take them seriously. And let’s not forget Scheana’s side hustle: her illustrious music career, which she’s been pursuing on and off throughout Vanderpump Rules. How can we forget that time she claimed she was always told that she looked and sang like Britney Spears? It was probably one person who told her that, one time, and that person was Helen Keller. Robby and Scheana’s shamelessness when it comes to their “careers” makes them the perfect match!
2. Scheana Will Never Have To Stop Saying “Rob”
What’s more of an abomination on the ears than “Good as Gold?” (Besides Laura Leigh’s speaking voice that made her sound like Minnie Mouse if she is only capable of breathing in helium, I mean.) Answer: Scheana carrying on and on about Rob Valletta. It was seriously like she had Tourette’s, and her tick was not-so-humble brags about Rob. Her excuse for incessantly talking about him this season was that she smokes a lot of weed and can be so forgetful when she’s high that she will get really repetitive. The only thing I repeat when I’m high is stuffing my face with junk food several times in a row, so I’m calling bullshit on that one. Since she’s dating Robby now, she’ll never have to stop saying “Rob.” She can just say that she’s calling Robby “Rob” because he should be going by a name that doesn’t make it sound like he’s still in junior high anyway. It’s a win-win.
3. They Essentially Have The Same Roles On Their Shows
Robby and Scheana aren’t exactly the villains on their shows. They don’t concoct schemes to sabotage others, and they generally don’t try to start shit with others unless provoked. In fact, they both want to be liked—almost to a fault. Yet we find them so very irritating, even more so than the actual villains on their shows. If anything, we love the Stassis and the Chads of their respective shows because at least they’re charismatic, have a backbone, and their screen caps are so memorable that they make good lines for Hinge bios and memes. Scheana and Robby are both pretty spineless, so honestly I’m not sure how they ever get anything done together. I’m also pretty sure not having a backbone is how Scheana is able to stick her ass out so far for her Instagram pics, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there.
4. They’re VERY Conscious Of Their Social Media Presences
In the world of influencers, Robby Hayes and Scheana are basically a low-rent Alexis Ren and Jay Alvarrez. We wouldn’t be able to recognize them without a Snapchat filter or copious amounts of FaceTune, and if we’re being honest, we don’t know how they recognize themselves when they look into a mirror without any sort of editing. Just think of all the cheesy photos we’ll have to endure of them fake laughing, kissing, and looking off into the distance as if they’re as profound as the motivational quotes they use as captions. Just think about how their wedding gift bags will just be FitTea, Diff eyewear, and Lokai bracelets. And before I lose you because you’re rolling your eyes so hard, at least think about all the passive-aggressive posts they’ll make once they break up. Okay, are you excited now?
5. They Can Share Hair And Makeup Products
Robby Hayes is so into his appearance that he puts pageant queens, Arizona State sorority girls, and Met Gala attendees to shame. Even Tom Sandoval is all, “This guy is a bit much,” and Sandoval has a braid guy on speed dial and shaves his forehead. We can’t even imagine the beauty regimen Robby does every day. We’re sure it’s inspired by that scene in every finance frat bro’s (and probably Robby’s) favorite movie, American Psycho, where Patrick Bateman recites his morning ritual. No one would empathize with the amount of effort this guy puts into his looks more than Scheana. I mean, would you even recognize her without mink eyelashes and copious amounts of fake tanner? How can we forget that time Schwartz called Scheana a “bootleg Kardashian?” You know a relationship is #goals when you have a date night at DryBar and invest in La Mer skincare products together.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (3)
