On Friday the internet just about exploded with reports that Kylie Jenner is pregnant with Travis Scott’s baby. I don’t know about you all, but I for one do not believe this to be true for a second. Sure, Kris may have not outright denied the claims, but until that baby pops out of Kylie’s own birth canal, I will not believe she’s actually pregnant. Put on your tinfoil hats because I’m going to break down why these rumors are just that—rumors.
1. The ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ 10th Anniversary Special
This is, first and foremost, the most obvious reason supporting the theory that Kylie’s pregnancy is a hoax. Do I think that Kris Jenner would purposefully fabricate rumors about her own 20-year-old daughter being pregnant out of wedlock, just to drum up a little publicity for a TV special? You fucking bet your ass I would. Let’s not forget that right before Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna’s E! special was set to air, Blac Chyna “randomly” left Rob and took all his Eggos. Anyone who thinks it’s a coincidence that this special no one would otherwise give a shit about is airing right after these pregnancy reports “mysteriously” came out is seriously naive.
2. The Kardashians Are Rich As Hell
Water is wet, and also, the Kardashians are rich as hell. You mean to tell me that a family who makes more money per minute than I do annually can’t afford to slap an IUD in their youngest and most profitable child? I mean sure, it’s possible given the state of the American healthcare system I guess, but very unlikely. And don’t even come at me with this “birth control can fail, even when taken regularly” shit. You’ve seen Kylie. You’ve seen Travis Scott. You know she’s letting him hit it raw. So either Kris just let Kylie wild out with no birth control (highly possible tbh), or this is fake (also possible). A$AP Rocky, if you’re reading this, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD use a condom.
3. Look At Kylie
It’s pretty customary to only reveal you’re pregnant after at least three months, because the risk for miscarriage drops significantly after the first 10 to 12 weeks. Also, some women start to show by the end of the first trimester. That means that unless Kylie literally told the world she was pregnant the second she got pregnant, she is reasonably three months in. But tell me. Does this look like the stomach of a woman who’s 10 to 12 weeks pregnant? Or, okay, given that this was posted a week ago, nine to 11 weeks pregnant?
DOES IT??!?! Because if THAT’S the stomach of a pregnant woman, I may just start poking holes in condoms. Kidding. Or am I? YES, she could have taken that photo months ago, sure. But, I mean, whatever. I think an equally pressing matter is WTF happened to Kylie’s nipples, and how she expects to feed a (rumored) newborn without nipples. RIDDLE ME THAT, KRIS.
4. Kris Denied The Rumors… Kind Of
Probably the most damning yet confusing evidence comes from the devil herself, Kris Jenner. When asked about the rumors, Kris told The Cut on Saturday, “She’s not confirmed anything.” I take “she” to mean Kylie. She added, “I think it’s kind of wild that everyone is just assuming that that’s just happening.” Okay, wait, what? So… WTF does this actually mean? On the one hand, Kris is confirming that Kylie hasn’t confirmed anything, which, no fucking duh. That’s why I’m here in the first place. On the other hand, Kris SEEMS to be denying the rumors, but in the most non-committal way possible. “It’s wild that everyone’s assuming that’s happening” is basically like when you say something fucked up about your friend and you “apologize that she’s offended”. In other words, Kris is very much toeing the line, probably because of the aforementioned ratings that are at stake if she were to outright deny the claims.
UGH. I don’t really know. I hope for Travis’ sake these rumors aren’t true. Say what you want about Kylie Jenner—literally, say what you want, I hate on her for a living—but Birds In The Trap Sing McKnight was a masterpiece and I will personally come after this family if they fuck with my music. You can mess with Tyga’s career all you want, but leave the talented rappers alone.