Navigating relationships and sex drives in 2020 has been a total trip. Virtual and IRL dating has been wild AF, the thirst has been realer than ever, and living in general has basically felt like riding a roller coaster without a seatbelt. Especially with COVID-19 cases on the rise again, it’s time to do what’s safest by continuing to f*ck ourselves. Literally.
With the holidays right around the corner, you owe it to yourself to gift yourself one (or all) of these 14 awesome sex toys. Because let’s face it, we all deserve (read: need) them and the stress reliever that comes along with masturbation right now.
1. Sweet Vibes Charmed
As one of my personal favorites, I’m naturally putting it at the top of the list. Charmed is a powerful wand vibe that has a fun little fin on the head for pinpointed pleasure. Slip the tip in between your lips (please appreciate this rhyme) to stimulate the clit directly. If you’re on the more ~sensitive~ side, use the smooth back of the ball to please yourself. With four super powerful vibration settings to choose from, I promise you’re gonna have a good time.
2. Honey Birdette Bullet
This bullet vibe hits the spot every time. It’s small enough to hide in your nightstand and powerful enough to please TF out of you with five intensities and patterns. Oh, and it’s waterproof, making it a perfect toy to slip into your bathrobe and sneak into the shower with you.
3. We-Vibe & Womanizer Golden Moments Kit
If you’re a toy fan, you might already know about the Womanizer. If you’re into toys and in a relationship (nearby or LDR), you probably already know about the app controlled We-Vibe. If you don’t know about either, now’s your chance to buy both at a discount! This limited edition kit combines clit suction Womanizer Premium and dual stimulating We-Vibe Chorus to offer you $100+ off the OG prices of buying both toys separately. It’s basically the perfect gift for yourself… and your partner, if you decide to share.
4. Vibease Bluetooth Erotica Responsive Panty Vibrator
Do you like audiobooks? What about vibrators? Now what if I told you we could combine those two things to give you the most satisfying reading experience known to humankind? Introducing: the Vibease Bluetooth responsive panty vibe. Slip into a good book and masturbation sesh at the same time with this vibe that fits in your panties and vibrates according to what you’re listening to (via Bluetooth). Yes, really. This gives erotica a whole new meaning.
5. Desire Remote Control Butt Plug
Prostate owners, get you one of these remote controlled butt plugs. Actually, if you don’t have a prostate, you should get one, too. This silky smooth silicone plug has a flared base (which is IMPORTANT so it doesn’t get lost in your body) and is designed with a dented tip in an effort to maximize P-spot stimulation. It also boasts 8 modes and 12 intensities so your booty can experience all the sensations.
6. Zumio X, S, or E
Zumio is another masterpiece of a toy that I’ve been obsessed with for a while. Its SpiroTip™ technology doesn’t vibrate, but rotates in teeny tiny circles that please your sensitive parts with ease. There are three Zumio models to pick from: X, S, or E. You can read more on their website about each of their intensities, but TL;DR: X has a long stem and medium tip, S has a shorter stem and large tip, and E has a curved, rigid stem and precision tip. Plus, they’re offering a free special gift (25-page self-pleasure guide) with purchases this holiday season.
7. CalExotics Shameless Seducer
CalExotics’ Shameless Seducer is one of the more expensive products on the list, but that’s because it offers a LOT of stimulation. It’s penetrative, self-thrusting, and *very* unapologetic to whichever hole you’re using it on. It’s basically in the shape of a classic rabbit vibe, but it offers seven vibe patterns, four thrusting modes, and an additional flickering teaser that mimics a tongue. It’s wild. You’ve been warned.
8. CalExotics My Pod
If you’re a tech fan, you’re going to love My Pod. This toy is self-cleaning. Did you hear that? SELF-CLEANING. That means when you’re lazy AF after you’re done playing with this vibrator, you can literally throw it back in its pod and it’ll cleanse itself. No more forcing yourself to get up from bed and wash it in the bathroom. A miracle.
9. Unbound Puff
Where are all my clit suction toy lovers out there? I can’t see or hear you, but wherever you are, trust that the Puff is for you. As one reviewer in the comments writes, “Puff the magic dragon” is “LIFE CHANGING.” It’s a compact suction vibe with five different settings that’s waterproof and quiet (which is perfect for anyone living in close quarters during quarantine).
10. Emojibator Fruit Basket
Buy yourself a fruit basket this holiday season! But not just any fruit basket… one that vibrates. LOL. Emojibator bundled a bunch of their super cute and fun veggie- and fruit-shaped toys to give us the gift of ~sexual vitamins~ this year. With 10 vibration settings and the funniest sh*t to potentially put on your kitchen table, you can’t go wrong buying this. It comes with an eggplant, banana, chili pepper, and a pickle. Absolutely amazing, and if nothing else, funny AF home decor.
11. Organic Loven Rianne S Heart Vibe
The Rianne S Heart Vibe brings “love yourself” to another level. This 10-speed vibe is rechargeable, made of medical-grade silicone, and packed discreetly but designed beautifully so you’ll probably want to showcase it on your bookshelf or nightstand. Want the gift that keeps on giving? You can also subscribe to one of Organic Loven’s adult subscription boxes full of goodies like toys, condoms, books, and more.
12. Le Wand Arch
Arch is from Le Wand’s Stainless Steel Collection, and it’s absolutely beautiful. Not only is it a gorgeous product, but it’s also perfect for those who crave G-spot stimulation with its special curvature and girth. Bonus: throw this in the fridge to chill it up a bit before sliding it in. You’re welcome.
13. Satisfyer Love Triangle
Satisfyer is a staple brand in my toy box(es) for good reason. Their products are always made with body-friendly silicone and pack super strong stimulation abilities. The Love Triangle is a clit suction toy that syncs with an app and combines Satisfyer’s award-winning air-pulse tech with deep vibes to please us in allll the ways. It also comes with a hygienic cap so you can keep the toy safe from allergens and dust and crap when you’re not using it.
14. b-Vibe Anal Training & Education Set
If you’re a butt play beginner, get yourself b-Vibe’s anal training set. This kit comes with products and training guides that everyone needs to kick off their anal journey as safely, knowledgeably, and pleasurably as possible. If nothing else, you’d be giving yourself the gift of booty education this holiday season. You’ve already baked all the different breads. Why not learn something else?
Happy holidays, friends! Well, maybe not happy, because, you know… 2020. But may your holiday season be as pleasurable as possible. These toys can definitely help.
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IMAGES: Pexels, GIPHY, Sweet Vibes, Honey Birdette, Lovers, Lovehoney (2), Zumio, CalExotics (2), Unbound, Emojibator, Organic Loven, Le Wand, Satisfyer, b-Vibe