10 Foods That Hydrate You So You Can Eat Your Water

Your skin is wrinkly and dry, your mouth is a desert, and your entire body feels like that of an 85-year-old arthritic woman. Dehydration can cause a lot of weird issues, so chugging water and upping your general hydration is a must. But drinking water can sometimes be annoying (#firstworldprobs), and nobody wants to get up to pee 65 times in one day. Luckily, you can eat your water. By that, I mean eating certain foods can also give you the water you’re desperately craving, help dilute the vodka in your veins (can I live?), and bless your organs with much-needed vitamins and minerals. These are an easy fix to help get your shit back in balance without going on a juice cleanse or like, giving up pizza.

1. Cucumbers

Want sexy skin AND to be hydrated without chugging water? Make a salad full of cucumbers. The potassium and magnesium will keep you face lookin’ fly while the water may help battle the hangover you’re currently sporting.

2. Watermelon

The clue is in the name, idiots. At about 93% water, this summer treat is a great option if you’re laying on the dock/beach/shitty patio chair in your ugly backyard. Plus, watermelon’s spongy quality makes it perfect for soaking in alcohol—just saying.

3. Eggplant

Weird, but true. High in fiber, high in water, low in calories, and shitty in flavor (sorry, but it’s true), try to incorporate some non-fried eggplant into your future to reap its benefits which like, slightly outweigh its sponge-like quality.

4. Zucchini

Zucchinis, which are just shittier cucumbers, are also full of water. These bitches are about 96% water, but eat it raw or else you’re totes getting rid of the water that’ll heal your unhealthy ass. Try some zoodles (spiralized zucchini for those of you who don’t even internet) with salt, pepper, lemon, and olive oil for a healthy fix.

5. Cantaloupe

Often ignored as a shitty breakfast garnish (get outta here), cantaloupe is about 90% water, only about 50 calories, and has some vitamins. All that may make you feel better about actually eating cantaloupe.

6. Pineapple

Yay! As long as you’re not one of those people who can’t eat pineapple cause it makes your tongue itch (sad), this fruit is super hydrating AND has anti-inflammatory properties. It’s like natural Tylenol, kinda.

Je Suis Un Ananas

7. Bell Peppers

Does not count if they’re stuffed in a burrito. Bell peppers, the stars of any crudité platter, are about 92% water and full of vitamin C.

8. Celery

Our least favorite and saddest desk snack makes an appearance as a water-filled snack. It kinda makes up for the depression that comes with eating celery at a party while all your other friends eat pizza rolls because you’re trying to lose three pounds. Anyway, celery is about 96% water (4% rage) and is packed with calcium, iron, zinc, and more.

9. Romaine Lettuce

Now that the E. coli scare has passed, romaine should be your new bff if you’re looking to up your hydration. Like most lettuces and greens, romaine has a shit load of water (less than shitty white trash Iceberg) and a ton of folate, vitamin C, and beta-carotene.

10. Tomatoes

Ain’t nothin’ like a few slices of tomato on white bread with mayo during the summer. Fun fact: tomatoes are about 94% water, so eating an entire tomato for lunch won’t only help your skin and hair (vitamins, fam), but it’ll also hydrate your dry ass.

Images: Rick Vos, Unsplash; Giphy (4)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson