We all know about the orgasm gap between men and women, but over the past decade, researchers have dug into an age-old question: why do lesbians seem to outshine straight women in the orgasm department? If you asked me (someone who has done some very hands-on experiments), the answer would be men, men, and, oh yeah, men. But according to a study done by real professionals, it’s all about “sexual scripts” — those mental blueprints we get from media and culture.
The traditional sexual script — think foreplay, intercourse, man’s climax, fin — prioritizes male pleasure. Turns out, cisgender women’s expectations during sex, shaped by these scripts, change depending on their partner’s gender. Women who have sex with women? They’re less bound by these scripts and more likely to explore non-penetrative acts.
Lesbians reported more clitoral stimulation, higher orgasm expectations, and a greater pursuit of orgasms compared to straight women. Meanwhile, bisexual women seemed to keep their orgasm pursuits consistent regardless of their partner’s gender. However, those partnered with women had higher expectations for pleasure.
But this doesn’t mean straight women are doomed in bed. It just means that you have to go back to the drawing board with your partner to find your way back to your O. Here are a few ways to help straight women orgasm as much as their lesbian counterparts.
Talk About Sex, Baby
It doesn’t matter what the topic is; when it comes to sex, my number one advice will always be to communicate (using lube is a close second). And if you’re noticing that you’ve been lacking in the orgasm department, it’s time to amp that communication up to the next level. Talk about what you like, what you hate, what you’re kinda nervous to say but would go nuts over. The more you actually talk about sex, the better it gets.
Stop Making It About Him
Sex. Is. Not. Just. For. Men. It’s not all about his pleasure! Yes, we want to make sure our partner is feeling loved and sexed up during sex, but you can’t forget about yourself. Both of you should be prioritized. If there’s no focus on you, it’s no wonder that you’re not orgasming. By letting sex be about pleasure for everyone, you’re giving your O a fighting chance.
Try A New Script
The traditional sex script we talked about earlier? Throw it out the window. Now, that doesn’t mean skipping the foreplay (for the love of God, please don’t do that). But sex doesn’t end when he cums, and it doesn’t have to have the same lead-up either. Take turns, switch positions, and if one person cums… hello, time for the other person to cum too.
Have Sex Like Lesbians
Okay, I don’t mean you have to start scissoring your boyfriend, but pretend a penis isn’t in the equation for a second — what would you do? Would you take more time kissing around each other? Using your hands? More foreplay before any kind of penetration? Do that! Women don’t typically orgasm off of sex alone, so jumping straight to sex isn’t going to help get you there.
