If you’ve ever had sex with a man, first congrats! Or, I’m so sorry! Either you had a really great experience and felt totally satisfied, or he’ll never be hearing from you again. But regardless of how the sex was, you might have noticed that at the end of it, he fell asleep.
Even Nicki Minaj said, “pussy put his ass to sleep, now he callin’ me NyQuil.” And while some of us like to credit a man falling asleep right after sex to how great we are in bed, there’s a bit more to this phenomenon than just great sex, scientifically speaking.
“The body releases a variety of chemicals during arousal and orgasm, such as prolactin, dopamine, and oxytocin,” Aliyah Moore, PhD, certified sex therapist tells Betches. “The ‘cuddle hormone,’ oxytocin, encourages emotions of bonding and relaxation, while dopamine adds to pleasure and fulfillment.” Prolactin, on the other hand, is the hormone that’s linked to feelings of gratification and yes, sleepiness.
Plus, sex is a great, natural stress-reliever. It can lower your cortisol levels, putting you in a more relaxed state — yes, relaxed enough to even put you to sleep.
At the end of the day, having sex is also an extremely physical activity. So after you’ve exerted the energy it takes to eventually cum (considering you’re not a minute-man), you’re bound to feel exhausted.
But in a heterosexual situation, even when women exert physical energy too (and yes, being a pillow princess does take work!) they often don’t experience the same tiredness as men do post-sex.
“Men experience feelings of satiety and tiredness following an orgasm due to an increase in prolactin levels,” Moore said. “While in women might, they do not have the same dramatic rise in prolactin levels following an orgasm, which might lessen the chance of experiencing post-coital tiredness right away.”
Some experts think that this has to do with how women emotionally process sex. And before you roll your eyes like I did, it has a lot to do with what goes on with the chemicals in our bodies. Women will sometimes even feel more energized and awake after sex, and it has to do with how the sex was for them, how stressful of a situation the circumstances behind the sex were, and even sometimes where in their menstrual cycle they are.
Either way, we can’t take much credit (or let ourselves feel bad!) about a man knocking out as soon as he finishes.
“It’s not a reflection of the person I’m in bed with,” Jared Freid, comedian and co-host of sex & dating podcast U UP?, tells Betches. “When I cum it’s like a bear getting hit with a tranquilizer dart. Masturbation is the same as melatonin to me. I do one with a warm glass of milk and drift away to dreamland while the woman next to me probably doom scrolls for another couple of hours.”
