This year marks the inauguration of the Betch of the Year, where Betches editors determine the individual (or thing) who shaped the group chats over the past 12 months — for better or for worse. And thanks to our nominees’ profound dedication to the meme-able arts this year, we are proud to announce the winners of the 2023 Betch of the Year Awards.
We — and our nominees — would not be here without your likes, your clap emojis, and your endlessly scrolling thumbs, all of which helped our editors identify those whose pure, unadulterated betchiness has created the biggest impact on all of us this year. We also wouldn’t be here without the nominees themselves (which you can read in full here) — without you all (even you, Zuck), we’d all have to go read a book or something.
Find out who we chose — and why we chose who we chose — below, and celebrate the moments that mattered. Congratulations to our 2023 Betch of the Year winners.
Betch of the Year
WINNER:
White Gladis the Orca And Her Army
In a world filled with greedy capitalism and embarrassing boat names (Boaty McBoatface, for example) White Gladis found a way to master the land and sea. Well, mostly just the sea part. But she made hell of an impact on us on land. No one else on god’s green earth made a bigger splash on the internet (pun intended). Achieving this recognition comes with a newfound responsibility. It’s our hope that White Gladis the Orca and her loyal army will continue the good fight against annoying rich guys and their stupid yachts in the year to come.
NOMINEES:
White Gladis the Orca And Her Army 🏆
Coco Gauff
M3GAN
Greta Gerwig
American Girl Twins Isabel And Nicki
Flop of the Year
WINNER:
X/Twitter
When we say the Betch of the Year winners are selected to represent the best and worst of us — this is clearly in the latter territory. We would be amiss to not congratulate Elon for the colossal failure of Twitter’s rebrand. (Lol we did it again, didn’t we?) Excuse me, X. A single letter that can mean so little and yet, gets an award for just existing. Kinda like men in general. Better luck next year to its stockholders.
NOMINEES:
Jamie Lynn Spears
The Idol
X/Twitter 🏆
Tom Sandoval & The Most Extras
Kevin McCarthy
Add to Cart of the Year
WINNER:
Silver Outfit From The Renaissance Tour
To quote a great philosopher, “Face card never declines, my god.” This year, as one of our most revered entertainers traversed the globe in a dizzying display of talent (and fashion), fans were hoping that their actual cards wouldn’t decline as they added countless chrome costume pieces to their carts. While the tour may be over, Beyhive members around the world will never forget the experience (or the stress of hoping their last-minute orders arrived on time).
NOMINEES:
A Ludicrously Capacious Bag
Rihanna’s Mid-Performance Face Powder
Taylor Swift’s Waterproof Makeup
Silver Outfit From The Renaissance Tour 🏆
Hailey Bieber’s Rhode Lip Balm
Scam/Scandal of the Year
WINNER:
Scandoval
Good scandals have the power to generate headlines, but great scandals? They have the power to generate something even more coveted: Emmy nominations. One year ago, Vanderpump Rules was a fading star, doomed to grow dimmer with each passing year, until it quietly gave way to a black hole of lost West Hollywood dreams. But with Scandoval, the kingdom that Lisa Vanderpump built has entered a new age of greatness, and we can’t wait to see the next chapter of the story.
NOMINEES:
Jen Shah And Elizabeth Holmes: Prison BFFs
Scandoval 🏆
Justin Timberlake Getting Exposed by Britney Spears
Scooter Braun’s Mysterious Disappearing Clients
Ariana Grande And SpongeBob Aka Ethan Slater
Fever Dream Couple of the Year
WINNER: Ariana Grande and Spongebob
Over the span of her career, Ariana Grande has become synonymous with the trends she’s popularized — ponytails, winged-eyeliner, sweatshirts 4x too large, clouds. She is currently shuffling us into a new craze; the era of the Theater Kid. Ariana has been preparing us for this trend since the start of her career. Lest we forget, Ariana’s first debut role was on Broadway and, most recently, she’s realized her dream of playing Wicked’s Glinda the Good Witch. Therefore, her conscious coupling with Broadway’s most yellowest sponge Ethan Slater is right on schedule. And, it would not be an Ariana Grande relationship without some level of nefariousness. Ethan being just recently separated from his wife makes the news of this relationship even more on brand and delicious.
NOMINEES:
Ariana Grande And SpongeBob 🏆
Kylie Jenner And Timothee Chalamet
Kendall Jenner And Bad Bunny
Tyga And Avril Lavigne
Emily Ratajkowski And Eric Andre
Viral Trend/Moment of the Year
WINNER:
Roman Empire
Men and that annoying girl in your 10th grade A.P. history class are walking away with the trophy for this one. The trend was born in August 2023, when history enthusiast Gaius Flavius posted the prompt, “how often do you think about the Roman Empire?” on his Instagram. Once it reached TikTok, it exploded into the mainstream and became inescapable. It was a thought-provoking concept, something memes so rarely are capable of.
NOMINEES:
Roman Empire 🏆
Cole Sprouse Smoking a Cigarette on Call Her Daddy
Pedro Pascal Eating Toast
Angela Bassett Did The Thing
Met Gala Getting Crashed by a Cockroach
Feud of the Year
WINNER:
“I Got Married In Italy”: Kourtney Kardashian vs. Kim Kardashian
Siblings have been fighting since the dawn of time. Cain and Abel, Mary and Anne Boleyn, Prince William and Prince Harry, Mufasa and Scar, Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears, the list goes on. What most can’t say, however, is that they’ve made up. But Kim and Kourtney Kardashian can, which makes them winners.
NOMINEES:
Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Ski Crash Victim: “I Wish You Well”
EyebrowGate: Hailey Bieber vs. Selena Gomez
Billionaire Cage Fight: Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg
Reality Reckoning: Bethenny Frankel vs. Bravo\
“I Got Married In Italy”: Kourtney Kardashian vs. Kim Kardashian 🏆
Press Tour of the Year
WINNER:
Ryan Gosling’s Commitment to Kenergy
Ken is the rare doll who is both the prince and the damsel of his own story. But maybe that’s giving him far too much credit. At least, that’s what Ryan Gosling would say. The man behind the doll that gave us Kenergy, a word made up on a press junket so Gosling didn’t “have to really answer any questions.” Pure genius? Or dumb marketing? Either way, it’s “haunted” him and us ever since. Gosling earned this trophy by embracing what he does better than anyone: being blonde.
NOMINEES:
Jada Pinkett Smith’s TMI Book Tour
Ryan Gosling’s Commitment to Kenergy 🏆
Prince Harry’s Frozen Todger Book Tour
Jamie Lee Curtis’ Anti-Nepo Baby Oscar Campaign
Reese And Ashton’s Chemistry-Free Rom-Com Tour
Inspirational Quote of the Year
WINNER:
Gwyneth Paltrow vs. Ski Crash Victim: “I Wish You Well”
“I wish you well.” Four simple words icier than any single lost day of skiing. Four simple words delivered with Oscar-worthy precision. Four simple words that reverberated through, nay, not just a courtroom, but the court of public opinion — X, or, Threads, or Reddit, or wherever you go to feel the 150-character dopamine rush that helps you forget that you will never experience the luxury of literally colliding with an A-list star. Politically, this was a year that we demanded to eat the rich, but — when it came to petty, $3M infighting between members of the 1% — we all ate. The trial felt like White Lotus come to life; Succession as a reality show. Yes, on camera during the trial, Gwyneth played herself as the extraordinarily wealthy, expensively styled, and aggressively out-of-touch nepo baby that she is. But, by god, was it the role of the lifetime.
NOMINEES:
“I lost half a day of skiing” – Gwyneth Paltrow 🏆
“You’re a worm with a mustache” – James Kennedy
“You are not serious people” – Logan Roy
“What do you mean?” – Jennifer Lawrence through tears on Hot Wings
“She ain’t no diva” – Beyoncé
