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What Your Medicine Cabinet Says About Your Entire Personality

The eyes may be the window to the soul, but the medicine cabinet is the notes app of the bathroom. It holds secrets, serums, and maybe even antipsychotics. It’s a mysterious domain, historically dominated by the woman of the house. As kids, we’d sneak a swipe of our mom’s burgundy lipstick, and as adults visiting at Thanksgiving, pray we’d find a Xanax. 

Moving out on your own means creating your own medicine cabinet mystique. Will you arrange it by color, peacocking your 12-step skincare routine for all to appreciate? Will you hide your inhaler and nasal spray shamefully, hoping your guests respect your privacy enough not to peek? Stuffed to the brim, causing the door to hang ajar, or bare bones essentials like a 20-year-old boy? 

We all peep at each other’s MCs now and again, sometimes out of rote curiosity and other times to gain a deeper understanding of a person’s character. We like to know who we’re getting into bed with, figuratively and literally. 

This guide will help you uncover what the different medicine cabinet archetypes say about your friends, family, and potential lovers and what yours is projecting to others. It might cause you to look in the mirror and make tough changes. (For example, if you still use St. Ives, please seek professional help.) 

Shelfie Medicine Cabinet

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Barren Medicine Cabinet

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Overflowing Medicine Cabinet

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Desperate Housewife Medicine Cabinet

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IBS Girl Medicine Cabinet

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Utilitarian Medicine Cabinet

The Mommy Medicine Cabinet

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The Goopy Medicine Cabinet

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Emma Sharpe
Emma Sharpe
Emma Sharpe is a New York based writer and marketer. She's a Kardashian apologist and finds a Survivor metaphor for every life situation. You can find more of her pop culture ramblings at unculturednews.substack.com.