Image Credit: American Girl, EDS

What 'The Care & Keeping Of You: 30-Year-Old Edition' Should Look Like

When The Care and Keeping of You hit shelves 25 years ago it was a staple at every sleepover, clung to for every long car ride, and poured over many late nights at sleepaway camp. It was revelatory, it was exciting! It broke down how to navigate every embarrassing moment and weird feeling sparked by our puberty-stricken bodies. If only there was an equivalent for our 30-year-old bodies. Something that taught us all about laser facials, or which supplement to take to avoid a TMI IBS report to HR. Here are the things us American Girl alums need tackled 25 years later. 

The Care & Keeping Of You: 30-Year-Old Edition 

Forward by Jennifer Lawrence

Chapter 1: Beauty Sleep or Lack Thereof     4

Why it will take you two gummies, one sleep mask, one magnesium mocktail, and one white noise device to get approximately 6 hours and 43 minutes of sleep per night.

Chapter 2: The End of Dropping it Low     22

Gone are the days of backing that ass up. Gentle exercises for your creaking joints and a homemade CDB soothing salve recipe.

Chapter 3: Hair, WHERE?!     36

How to find a reputable Groupon for all-over body hair removal plus at-home dermaplaning and what to know about nipple hair. 

Chapter 4: Do Not Be the Girl Who Cries on Her Birthday    51

Feeling your feelings without alienating your loved ones plus how to shop for a therapist, and realizing that sweetie, sometimes you’re just hangry.

Chapter 5: How to Have Sex that Doesn’t Suck     75

You, me, and IUDS! Plus more on protection, experimentation, and the art of scheduling sex.

Chapter 6: Hangover Helpers     92

Our secret recipe for conquering a serious hangover. Plus use this chart to determine exactly how many mojitos your bank account and liver can afford per week.

Chapter 7: You Will Never Look Like Hailey Bieber, Bitch, and That’s Okay!     111

All about going under the knife and why you probably (definitely) do not need a facelift yet. Plus slugging for dummies, scalp facials, and more on beauty for grown ups. 

Eva Morreale
Eva Morreale
Eva Morreale is a Jersey girl based in Los Angeles. She has an encyclopedia-like knowledge of Sex and the City, the Real Housewives franchise, and always carries Tums. You can follow her whereabouts on IG @evapants or subscribe to her newsletter Fries for the Table (