Winter is Still Fucking Here: Your Weekly Horoscopes April 2-6

Another week of winter, another extension on that seasonal affective disorder and work from home life. Fear not, for even this seemingly endless snow has a silver lining. Where there are freezing temps there is also alcohol, and an excuse to not have your shit together for a least one more week. It’s time to pull out your ugliest sweatpants, boot up Postmates, hide the spring wardrobe for another week, and take shelter with our weekly horoscopes.


There is a world of difference between knowing something is bad for you and getting to a place where you don’t actively want it. You’re halfway there, Aries, but the second half of this journey is definitely the hardest part. Try to distance yourself from temptation this week, because you’ll find that saying no is a lot harder than you expected it to be.


After a week of gloom, you’re due for some sunshine, Taurus. Things will considerably lighten up this week, meaning you’ll be in a perfect place to get after all those projects you put off in your slump last week. Don’t waste this moment! It’s not often that you’re graced with good timing and natural energy.


Sometimes shitty things happen and no matter how hard we scheme or maneuver, there’s no getting around them. You know this better than most, Gemini. This is a week for taking extra care of yourself and just rolling with the punches as they come in. Do not hesitate to turn to friends, alcohol, and creature comforts if it all starts to be too much.


The word of the week is space, Cancer. Your new relationship is in a great place, and everyone is really happy for you. Really. But they’re less psyched that your significant other has suddenly become a non-negotiable addition to any and all plans. It’s not you, it’s not even him—it’s just that your friends miss quality time. Set aside some dedicated time over the next few days for your friends, and return to the land of relationships next week.


Sometimes we’re placed in situations that, despite our best efforts, we can’t really change. It sucks when that happens, but here’s the thing Leo: that’s not the case here. You know how to fix your current mess, you’re just hesitant to do so. While understandable, after a while it stops being an excuse. This week, decide how badly you need to fix where you’re at. If it’s serious, suck it up and make the move you’ve been avoiding. It’ll all work out in the long run.


It’s time to step back, take a look at your life, and recognize that other people have feelings, Virgo. Sure, they might not be as good as you are at expressing them, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Your friends and family are used to your constant need for emotional validation; they may even find it cute. But it would be nice if you could return the favor some time. This week, try to remove the laser focus from your own feelings and direct it towards others. You may be surprised by what you find out.


Buck up, Libra. The weather may suck but that doesn’t mean life has to. Dig yourself out of that rut you found yourself in towards the end of last week by diving headfirst into a passion project. Nothing says spring like starting six different home DIY ventures and then abandoning them all by Thursday. Grab some wine, get your rarely seen craft box out of storage, and start decorating your way to a new season.


Good things are coming your way, Scorpio. You’ve made some considerable deposits into the Bank of Karma these last few weeks, and this week you’re going to see a return on that investment. Start practicing your surprised-yet-pleased face; it’s going to be getting a good amount of use these next few days. Just remember to be gracious in your little victories—it’s hard to amass more good karma if you’re a dick about it.


You may think that your non-stop hustle these past few months has gone entirely unnoticed, Sagittarius, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The people who matter definitely recognize your hard work, and it’s only a matter of time before something amazing comes of it. Keep your head down and keep grinding, the rewards are on the way.


This week brings something you’re not quite accustomed to, Capricorn: emotion. Blame PMS, the weather, the stars, whatever it may be, but get ready for an onslaught of feelings that you haven’t suffered since high school. There’s no handbook here, other than just doing your best to keep your head above water and your temperament under wraps. Avoid rom coms, sad commercials, and anything with puppies in it for the next week. Fear not, this will pass.


It’s time to take a look at your finances, Aquarius. You’ve been making moves towards something that resembles fiscal responsibility these past few weeks, but that doesn’t mean you can just pull a 180 and blow it all on something fun. Tempting, but devastating in the long run. Contain yourself and your spontaneous online shopping, or at the very least spread it out.


You’ve got some pep in your step this week, Pisces, and it couldn’t be coming at a better time. You’ve had some lows this past month and deserve a few days of unadulterated excitement. Ignore anything that could possibly dampen your mood; it will still be around to be dealt with next week. Enjoy walking on (the nonexistent) sunshine!

Images: Alex Iby/Unsplash, Giphy (5)

Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate recently moved to Amsterdam, where she spends a good chunk of her time trying to not die on a bike. She was forced to develop a sense of humor at an early age for many reasons, not the least of which being that she grew up with the name Mary Kate during the Olsen twin era. Follow her on Instagram if you're interested almost exclusively in Huji edits or stories about her overweight cat.