Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For November 13th-20th

Does it seem like everyone’s dirty little secrets are coming to light right now? Um, yeah, that makes total sense since Jupiter is in Scorpio—when that happens, the truth comes the fuck out. On a more personal level, this week actually looks pleasant as fuck for most signs. Sure. Mercury is in retrograde in a few weeks, but not today, Satan, not today.


Romance in your life and your sex drive continues to be lit this week. Any intimacy you feel in the bedroom or otherwise will seem new and different, like a new page has been turned in the relationship chapter of your life. Likewise, it might just be the post-bang glow, but everyone around you is looking on you favorably. It’s a pretty good time to ask for something you want from someone else, no pouty lip needed.


The Sun, Jupiter, and Venus are all just chilling out opposite your sign. That grouping is continuing to make your focus on friends and partnerships strong. Even the people you hate might not seem quite as shitty in the week ahead, as everything is working in your favor to be more copacetic. It’s all cozy sweaters and meet-cutes over coffee this week for you, and everyone else is so jealous about it.



Your high standards are paying off in all aspects of your life. So, like, keep them high. Bosses have their eyes on you this week, so it’s not the time to let your work ethic slip. I mean, if you’re going to go back to being lazy, at least do it on the low. Your standards are also on the rise when it comes to personal matters: that fuckboy you used to text back? Yeah, you’re totally over it—or at least, mostly over it. This is your personal reminder to not text him. You’re welcome.


Out of all the #blessed signs this week, you’re the most. You’re heading into a really exciting year, and it’s basically starting now. The year ahead holds more vacations, social outings, fun, and romance. Nice. This also means this week is pretty fun-filled for you as long as you let it be fun. Don’t turn down invites because the weather is bad. That’s stupid. Get out of your house and have a damn good time.

Get Out More


Leo, you’re usually not the homebody betch, but it might be the weather or the fact Daylight Saving Time has really fucked you up, but you’re more apt to staying in this week. I mean, like, that’s totally fine as long as you don’t plan on being a bore whore the entire rest of your life. Make this a week of naps and catching up on rest so you can return to the outside world next week.


If people ask if you’re on drugs, don’t be surprised. Things are just going really well for you and you’ll be more appreciative of the things you have in your life this week. It really is mostly all sunshine and butterflies for you this week. Don’t act like too much of a “high on life” space case. Mercury in retrograde starts December 1st and you’ll come back down to earth real quick during that time.



You’re thinking you need to find a job where can make a little more cash. Okay, remember that you have a dad that loves you, so exotic dancing is out of the question. Also, that’s actually really hard work, so rule that out based on the fact you’re too lazy to do a good job at that. If you don’t have an idea of how to make some more green while Jupiter is in your House of Earnings, think about saving a little more of what you earn every paycheck so you can afford nice things for Christmas.


The Sun, Venus and Jupiter are all in Scorpio—bonus, Venus and Jupiter are literally aligned to start the week. Look it up, it’s a real fucking thing you can see. All things being properly aligned, this week is destined to be amazing as fuck for you. Others treat you like you deserve to be treated and you’ll feel pretty positive about yourself too. This is how every week should be, right?

Mean Girls


You feel a little competitive this week, but like, as you’re waiting for the Sun to enter your sign next month, you’re kind of too lazy to do anything about that feeling. You mostly prefer to bump Reputation through your headphones and work on your own this week. Literally no one can blame you for that shit.


People are so obsessed with you this week. It’s a good week to put your face out there, literally. We’re talking tons of Instagram likes, people! Others see you as confident and successful, even if that’s not how you see yourself at the moment. Keep in mind you’re still about letting go of shit that isn’t important in life. Feel free to whip out the “New phone, who dis?” text at any point to let someone know you DGAF about them anymore.

Why Are You So Obsessed With Me


A back burner bro in the wings might be eyeing you as more than a friend in the week ahead. If you’re single and ready to mingle, think about giving that wild card a chance. If there’s no chance in hell for that person, remember to let them down gently this week. People are generally impressed with you, so take all the extra attention in stride. Own it, betch!


You’re more attracted to things that are a little different for you in the next week. That might be a guy that you don’t see as traditionally “your type” or you might just be craving a food you didn’t think you liked very much. No, your Pho craving is not a sign you’re totes pregnant. You’re just a little more adventurous this week.

Do Your Thing

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