Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For January 22nd-28th

Maybe reading the hilarious signs from the Women’s March this weekend has you in a particularly jolly mood. Maybe you felt united in the sisterhood. Whatever it is, the Sun in Aquarius keeps you feeling pretty chummy with most people you encounter. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you’ll extinguish your hate-fire for Number 45 or the incompetent Senators responsible for the government shutdown.


Mars has moved into the part of your chart that is all about travel and education. The planets are basically begging you to ask your parents to fund study abroad next semester. If you’re like, past that phase of your life, it’s time for you to start making your travel Pinterest board a reality.


The Sun and Venus at the top of your chart mean not only are you getting attention, but you’re getting a lot of romantic attention. Hopefully it’s from someone really hot that you’re into and not the creepy IT guy. If someone weird hits on you, just cough in their face and blame the flu.


While the Sun and Venus make you want to explore and travel, Mars in your chart makes you, like, super impatient. So make sure your prescription for your benzo of choice is filled, because a late plane, train or automobile could cause you to have a freak-out of epic proportions.


Things are generally going pretty smoothly for you. You’ll feel super focused at work or school this week because Mars makes you want to buckle down and get shit done. While you’re functioning on a different level remember others are running at their regular slow-ass pace.


Ok, so it’s not the best time of the year to be a Leo, but you already knew that. You continue to be tired as shit as the Sun is hiding in your chart. On the upside, Venus is making romantic relationships super rewarding. Continue to make the most out of cuffing season.


Shit is getting done in the Virgo world, and you’re responsible for making it all happen. You go, Virgo! The Sun makes you productive and efficient. Even though your boss will probably be kissing your ass, it’s serendipitous that Venus promotes good relationships with coworkers. Tina can just keep her fucking snide comments to herself this week.


Life is not fucking bad for you, Libra. The Sun and Venus continue the party this week. You have a full schedule of social shit to do while simultaneously balancing a lot of other stuff going on in your life. Watch out a little bit, though, because Mars is making you super direct with your comments.


Since you’ve lucked out with Jupiter in your sign this year, things are basically always going to go your way. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you’re immune to speed bumps, and that’s what you’ll encounter this week. Well, shit. Pay special attention to your bank account this week, as Mars could be fucking shit up in one of your money houses.


Mars enters your sign and that’s great fucking news. You’ve been in a little bit of a lull. Mars is like a B12 shot right in the ass. You’ll be more energized and recharged this week. Plus, the Sun and Venus are making you more sociable and happy. This is the week to really turn shit around.


As a Capricorn betch, you’re generally pretty resourceful and decent with your money. This week, it’s time to splurge on that thing you’ve been pining over for months. You might need that retail therapy at the end of the week as Mars goes into hiding in your chart, meaning credit will not be given where it’s due. Let’s just say praise and accolades are not in your future this week.


You always feel a little more #blessed during your birthday month, and that continues to be the case this week. It’s not your fault you’re so popular—the Sun and Venus in your sign just draw people to your amazing cosmic energy. You also get a hand from Mars, making dealings with organizations and groups successful.


Your personal year is creeping to an end, so it’s totally natural to feel like one door is closing. As the phrase goes, a new one will open right in time for the Sun to be in your chart next month. Venus is also hiding out in your chart, so if you have shit brewing romantically that you haven’t told your friends about, keep that on the DL for at least a few more weeks.

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