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We Need To Get Together When We're Home For The Holidays, But Not At The Bar My Ex Goes To

*You’ve been added to the Group Chat “Holiday Ho-Ho-Hos”*

Danielle: I finally get to see my girlies!! So, where are we drinking?

Natalia: Hold up, there’s a few spots we need to avoid

Danielle:

Rachel: Pour House!!

Natalia: ugh, that’s one we have to avoid
Natalia: I slept with that one bartender that one time and that creepy guy from high school is always there

Rachel: Which guy?
Rachel: Stephen?

Danielle: Stephen?

Natalia: Stephen

Rachel: fuckin Stephen
Rachel: But for real, i’ve always had good luck there

Natalia: 👀

Danielle: define “good luck”?

Rachel: free drinks!!

Natalia: oh, haaha
Natalia: speaking of, where’s our patron queen of drinks, Andrea?

Rachel: yeah!?

Danielle: right.

*Andrea has been added to the Group Chat “Holiday Ho-Ho-Hos”*

Andrea: ooh, hey everyone! We’re all going to be back in town? (except Danielle who lives there, of course, haha)

Rachel: yeah!!

Natalia: we’re goin to get weird….everywhere except Pour House

Andrea: cuz of Stephen?

Rachel: cuz of Stephen

Danielle: ANYWAY, I only do classy these days, so how about…rooftop beach bar? Hello Betty???

Andrea: Hahahahhaa, clASSy….clASSic Dirty Dani!!

Rachel: Dirty Dani!!! what a throwback!

Danielle: FUck off
Danielle: no dives

Andrea: that means no nose-dives into skate-rat trash either, Danielle

Rachel: Danielle loves her skate rats

Natalia: I mean, Travis Barker types are all the rage rn…

Rachel: I mean, Danielle does think she’s Kourtney Kardashian, so it tracks

Andrea: @Rachel are you saying she’s the least interesting to look at?

Danielle: ugh, FUCK off
Danielle: that was my thing, like, 10 years ago
Danielle: just because I still live in SoCal still doesn’t mean I’m just stuck in a shitty rut singing karaoke at Larry’s Beach Club and fuckin shitty psych rock guys who bite their fingernails, think trucks were meant for grinding, and live in a cheap shithole apartment but never add money to their savings account cuz “life’s a beach!!”

Natalia: uh…

Rachel: Hmm.

Andrea: So…..how’s Larry’s Beach Club?

Natalia: They have good karaoke

Rachel: 🎤🎤🎤

Danielle: It’s a dive, though, for sure

Andrea: I’m down for a dive, honestly
Andrea: it’ll be nice to be in the laid-back beach vibes. NYC is crazy.

Rachel: omg, DC is nuts, too!! I feel you!!!!

Natalia: San Francisco has been pretty chill

Danielle: it gets wild here…

Andrea: YOU get wild there, hahaha

Rachel: so, what are we going to sing for karaoke??

Andrea: Sk8er Boi

Natalia: 👀

Rachel: 😅

Danielle: FUck you

*Danielle has left the Group Chat “Holiday Ho-Ho-Hos”*

Andrea: But seriously, didn’t she get a urinary tract infection like 12 times from different MGK lookalikes?

Natalia: I think that’s on her for not peeing???

Rachel: 😅

Andrea: whatever. I’ll see you at Larry’s on Christmas Eve

Natalia: 👍

Rachel: 👍

Rachel: I really am gonna sing S8er Boi though cuz that song rocks

Andrea: 😏

Images: Studio Firma /Stocksy.com

Brooke Knisley
Brooke Knisley is a disabled writer who has written comedy for the New Yorker, McSweeney's, Playboy, Rewire News Group, Weekly Humorist, and others. She has balance issues. For more jokes, follow her on Instagram and Twitter.