Today, I’m going to talk about something that I don’t bring up very often: I love Justin Bieber. He’s hot AF, he gives no f*cks, and let’s face it: he makes bangers. Am I the only one who still bumps “Sorry” on a very regular basis? It’s just like, a perfect pop song. Unfortunately for me (and all the 16-year-old girls out there), Justin hasn’t been making bangers lately. His last album came out in November of 2015, which, according to my calculations, is way too long ago. Justin’s fans have become impatient, constantly harassing him on social media about when we can expect new music.
Justin has obviously seen thecomments and tweets begging him for an album, and yesterday he addressed his fans in a long Instagram caption. I would complain about the medium he used, but at least it’s not a Notes app screenshot. Anyway, Justin says that “you guys probably saw I was unhappy last tour,” and explains that neither he nor the fans deserve that version of him. Honestly, that’s true—if I wanted to pay like, $100 to watch someone mope around on stage, I’d go see The Smiths. Justin also says that he toured throughout his teenage years and early 20s, and he just needs a break. All of this makes sense, and I’m willing to wait another year if Justin Bieber really needs it. But the next part of the caption was what really caught my attention.
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So I read a lot of messages saying you want an album .. I’ve toured my whole teenage life, and early 20s, I realized and as you guys probably saw I was unhappy last tour and I don’t deserve that and you don’t deserve that, you pay money to come and have a lively energetic fun light concert and I was unable emotionally to give you that near the end of the tour. I have been looking, seeking, trial and error as most of us do, I am now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues that I have as most of us have, so that I don’t fall apart, so that I can sustain my marriage and be the father I want to be. Music is very important to me but Nothing comes before my family and my health. I will come with a kick ass album ASAP, my swag is undeniable and my drive is indescribable his love is supernatural his grace is that reliable…. the top is where I reside period whether I make music or not the king said so. 👑 but I will come with a vengeance believe that.. (grammar and punctuation will be terrible pretend it’s a text where u just don’t care).
“I am now very focused on repairing some of the deep rooted issues that I have as most of us have, so that I don’t fall apart, so that I can sustain my marriage and be the father I want to be.” EXCUSE ME? FATHER?!?!! What child does he speak of?? Hailey and Justin have been open about issues they’ve had in their relationship (prob because they got married after like, a month of dating), and I respect them for that, but why would he say something about being a father?? Is there a baby on the way? I need answers!!!
While I sit here trying to figure out what this all means, Hailey seems like she’s fully on board with whatever Justin Bieber is talking about. Here’s what she commented on Justin’s photo:
Okay, so she’s being a supportive wife, which is nice to see, but I don’t really see any clues here about a potential pregnancy situation. Sad! Hailey, I really expected you to be a little more helpful here. Luckily, we have access to a very clear, recent photo of Hailey’s stomach, because Justin posted this photo of her in bed last night on his Instagram Story:
Okay, so she obviously isn’t like, nine months pregnant or anything, but I’m not going to try to speculate based on this photo. I mean, Kylie Jenner kept her pregnancy (sort of) secret for nine months, so truly anything is possible in this day and age. So at this point, I am going to exercise my right to remain silent. What I can comment on, however, is that awful necklace. I sincerely hope that those are not real diamonds. Money doesn’t buy you taste! Additionally, the “that’s my toe” caption is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while (it’s been a week), and instantly reminded me of this:
For the reasons laid out above, I will refrain from commenting on Justin Bieber’s toe. But back to the baby!
I went to Twitter to see if there were any more clues about a Bieber baby on the way, but these two are utterly unhelpful. Justin hasn’t tweeted since his birthday on March 1, and Hailey basically only tweets about the gameshow Drop The Mic, which she hosts. Speaking of Twitter, I’m really feeling like a psychic, because I tweeted this less than 24 hours before Justin Bieber posted his message:
not to be dramatic but I would chop off my arm for some new Justin Bieber music
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) March 24, 2019
Wow, I can’t believe that Justin saw my tweet and felt so strongly that he had to respond with a public Instagram caption. I am truly soooo powerful. Going back to Justin’s Instagram caption, my favorite part was really the very end, after he got done talking about God: “(grammar and punctuation will be terrible pretend it’s a text where u just don’t care.)” This is like the Instagram equivalent of having your email signature be “sent from my iPhone, please ignore any typos.” Did I mention anywhere in this article that I love Justin Bieber? Honestly, I should’ve just put this disclaimer at the end of every paper I ever wrote in college while cracked out on Adderall.
While we’re here talking about Justin and Hailey and the possibility of a child, it’s important to note that this isn’t the first time we’ve thought Hailey might be pregnant. Back in October, Justin’s dad raised many questions after posting a photo of Justin, calling him a father-to-be. That obviously turned out not to be a thing, because Hailey is definitely not pregnant enough now to still be pregnant from October. I’m no OBGYN, but that’s just not how it works. So basically, take this all with a grain of salt, which is the size of an embryo at four weeks. *ba-dum-shhhh*
Obviously, we will be closely monitoring Justin and Hailey’s social media for any signs of baby news, but for now it seems like Justin was just doing his thing and spouting words about family and God and life and being a father in the future. Or…. wait… what if we have this “father” thing all wrong? What if Justin is actually becoming a priest?? I think I’m onto something. Move over, Carl Lentz. Father Justin is going to be the next Pope, I’m calling it now.
Images: @justinbieber / Instagram (3); @betchesluvthis, thtkidchristian / Twitter