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A Betchy Breakdown of the "Vanderpump Villa" Staff

In partnership with Hulu

Lisa Vanderpump is headed to the south of France with Vanderpump Villa, and we’re honestly terrified to see how the French countryside is going to handle her specific brand of chaos.

For anyone who’s seen Vanderpump Rules, it will be no surprise to learn that the staff at her French luxury villa, dubbed Château Rosabelle, is a set of chiseled, volatile twenty-somethings.  At this villa, it’s all about giving guests the ultimate luxury experience —until it’s about body shots, château hookups, and an extremely pissed-off Lisa Vanderpump chastising her staff in a floppy hat. *Sigh* we are soback.

To prepare for tout la messiness, we’re breaking down the bios of all the Vanderpump Villa staffers so you can keep track of who’s crushing on who, who’s hating who, and who just hooked up with a paying customer. If the hiring process was anything like SUR’s circa 2012, we can’t wait.

Andre Mitchell (Mixologist) Dallas, TX

If Andre was a dude on a dating app, he would hit you with the following headlines: He’s 6’4”, played college basketball at Texas State, and is “a big teddy bear at heart.” (I’m sorry to say that is a direct quote from his bio.)

But don’t worry, it’s not all sweetness and cuddles. The Chicago-born mixologist is known for butting heads with his bartending partner Telly, so drinks won’t be the *only* things getting spicy behind the bar.

Anthony Bar (Executive Chef) Los Angeles, CA

Attention Francophiles: Anthony’s love of cooking was born from his northern French roots (so basically Gabriel from Emily in Paris.) A former executive chef at Firefly in Los Angeles, our passionate foodie is a self-admitted perfectionist who lets his job “come before his personal life,” which means I’m already raising 10 (slash one million??) red flags.

Caroline Byl (Sous Chef) New York, NY

Caroline is glam, loves to cook in heels, and started out her career as a junior sous chef in the heart of Paris — so, yes, she needs to star in her own romantic comedy immediately.

These days, she’s single, lives in Miami, and is Anthony’s sous chef. Despite having differing cooking styles, the duo make an “amazing team” in the kitchen. If they do not immediately start hooking up, I will scream.

Telly Hall (Mixologist)  Atlanta, GA

In the immortal words of Stanley Tucci, gird your loins because Telly is about to stir some shit up. According to her bio, the mixologist is “opinionated and outspoken” and loves confronting her coworkers, so she seems like a classic Lisa hire. I anxiously await her stirring every single pot in the château.

Emily Kovacs (Housekeeper) New York, NY

Emily took on her first hospitality job at 16 and has worked tons of odd jobs ever since — from lifeguarding to bartending at a strip club. Bottom line, in the movie of her life, she’d be played by Melissa Benoist (no really, look at her IG) and her theme song would be something from that Christina Aguilera movie Burlesque.

Grace Cottrell (Housekeeper) St. Augustine, FL

Grace is described as a “plucky country girl,” who grew up in a small town and has been supporting herself ever since she was a teen. She seems earnest and sweet and I have already decided that none of the Vanderpump Villa men are good enough for her.

Hannah Fouch (Server) Las Vegas, NV

Described as the “quintessential Sin City baby,” Hannah is a Las Vegas local who knows how to keep her wealthy clients happy and is also fond of spending her free time starting uncomfortable fights with coworkers. Relatable!  She’s in an on-again-off-again relationship with lead server Marciano, so we can count on at least one messy blowup fight in season one.

Stephen Alsvig (Events Coordinator) Las Vegas, NV

Be still our hearts — Stephen promises to bring fashion, sass, and a no-bullshit attitude to the French countryside. He used to be an Air Force Veteran but now he’s taking on Château Rosabelle with zero tolerance for drama…which will inevitably be the cause of even more drama. Many thanks in advance, Stephen.

Marciano Brunette (Lead Server) Las Vegas, NV

Marciano was a server at one of Vegas’s “classiest” restaurants, which is a bit of an unnerving start. He is described as an “unapologetic alpha male” (upsetting) who gets into plenty of drama (intriguing). Hannah’s sometimes-boyfriend also once unironically quoted Tommy Lee on Instagram, so you know we’re in for a weird ride.

Eric Funderwhite (Chateau Manager) Los Angeles, CA

If there was a male, very chiseled version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, it would be Eric. Not only do the women of Vanderpump Villa immediately start salivating over him but he says such things as, “I love bugs. So what?” The Ohio-born self-described “country boy” previously worked for Lisa Vanderpump, who he has the “utmost respect for,” and — per some early footage — enjoys lifting weights shirtless while wearing a cowboy hat. Let ze thirstinéss begin.

Gabriella Sanon (Events Coordinator) Miami, FL

Gabriella’s bio tells us that the Florida native is a “free spirit” who loves to party and is “no stranger to coworker romances”…so basically, every reality TV producer’s dream.  She’s also famous for ordering the most expensive thing off the menu and honestly, it’s giving Stassi. In the name of love, war, and Vanderpump cannon, Gabriella is already my favorite.

Priscila Ferrari (Server) Los Angeles, CA

Priscila is all about having a good time, has an “intolerance” for mean girls, and just wants everybody to get along. She also likes to laugh at herself, which we know is an all toorare quality in the world of reality television. Priscila is basically our dream BFF and if anyone tries to bully her at the villa I will personally fly to France to exchange words.

Mark your calendars! You can watch Vanderpump Villa exclusively on Hulu premiering April 1.

Thea Koral
Thea Koral
Thea Koral is a New York-based writer and editor. She is still recovering from the ending of "One Day" and can recite most, if not all, of "Friends" in her sleep.