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A Swiftie's Top 10 'Tortured Poets Department' Songs Ranked

Swifties have been waiting for The Tortured Poets Department for exactly two months and two weeks since Taylor announced it at the Grammys. Back then, all we had were our hopes and dreams, and a few unhinged theories. Was the album inspired by Joe’s Tortured Man group chat? Were we getting a “I can’t believe my Travy made it to the big game” football love song? RIP to the AI version of “Fortnight,” which was frankly a bop. After agonizing over all the possible sounds and subject matters, we’ve finally arrived at release day and are getting all our ridiculous questions answered.

If I had to sum up how I’m feeling in two words, it would be… depressed and confused. The Joe content was to be expected at least, but the Matty content is genuinely shocking. The loss of her life! But Daddy I Love Matty! We really couldn’t have seen this album coming, considering we decided to forget about Matty. A lot of the lyrics about both Brits are beyond my reading comprehension level, some are pointedly millennial, and all the devastating heartbreak content is just too much. We must take time to process and reflect. As a Swiftie who’s been here since “Teardrops On My Guitar,” here’s a formal ranking of my fave vulnerable songs on The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology. All other rankings are wrong.

My General Reaction To The Tortured Poets Department

Taylor Swift
Image Credit: Getty

She’s a legend for giving us a double album. While it’s still early to have a super official opinion, I’d say I’m really enjoying the 31 songs, but it’s time for the pop queen to work with a new producer. Personally, I’m experiencing both Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner fatigue. I’d love to see her collab with dare I say it… a woman! That being said, there is a gorgeous combination of hits and tearjerkers on this album, and I’ll be listening on repeat probably until she drops Reputation (TV). Would love an update on that one, please. To be honest, I’m also a little obsessed with the sheer messiness of TTPD — she will never bore us.

An Official Ranking Of My Top 10 Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology Songs

1. Down Bad

2. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

3. Clara Bow

4. But Daddy, I Love Him

5. loml

6. thanK you aiMee

7. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

8. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

9. So Long, London

10. How Did It End?

Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost is an entertainment writer at Betches. As a teenage girl in her twenties, she spends her time stanning Olivia Rodrigo, baking cakes for award shows, and refusing to ever leave her Reputation era.