You know the
thing I just came up with old saying: show me a sexy man and I’ll show you a woman’s hurt feelings verified fuckboy. The men of This is Us were named Sexiest Cast Alive by People today, so in honor of that, I’d naturally like to tear each of these characters down dissect these award-winning studs, aka break down who’s a big bitch and who’s a bigger bitch. While maybe 3 people we all know my opinion on King of Fuckery Jack Pearson, there’s no denying that the other men on this show occasionally give him a run for his money . Here’s a ranking of the biggest fuckboys on This is Us.
Oh, Randall. It pains me to even put your name on this list, but rest assured it is as lowest ranking fuckboy of any recurring male TV character I’ve ever had the pleasure of viewing. The closest Randall has come to making me frown was the beginning of the season, when he briefly fixated on the idea of immediately adopting a baby boy despite his angel wife’s clear hesitation. Also, remember the boo-boo song?? I love Randall. You’re not a fuckboy, Randall—just maybe involve Beth a tiny bit more on the big life decision stuff (e.g. hunting down birth parents, new children, quitting your job, etc.).
Well, talk about making lemonade with life’s lemons. All this time, we’ve been searching for clues that it’s okay to hate Toby a little bit, and now I find out that his last name is basically DEMON. (Don’t @me about Matt Damon, that fucker is on the “knew about Harvey” list. If the Demon shoe fits…) Anyway, while Toby is initially the charming, larger-than-life self he needs to be to get Kate out of her shell, the act quickly becomes self-indulgent. Kate, while vocally encouraged to be herself, often doesn’t have room for her own choices and preferences in Toby Land. Also, bringing her mom to her first-ever show was a shitty thing of him to do, though the part about being Team Kate after was very cute, and should be used as a template for all conversations your partner ever has with anyone. Ultimately, I do believe a good heart/correct intentions are hiding behind that
fat suit ego, so as long as he’s good to Kate, he’s okay with me.
It truly pains me to list Kevin as fuckboy #2 on this list, a title I would’ve given to Mr. Demon even a few episodes back. However, his recent turn into painkiller addiction and callous treatment of new-lover/ex-wife Sophie have forced my hand. Obviously, no one ever cared much about his milquetoast love interest; almost everything about her seems too
boring blandly good to do anything but make Kevin look bad in comparison. Case in point: It would be too easy to just cringe-watch Kevin drunk-dial MDs from the comfort of his home—no, we get to do that with the backdrop of a Sophie-organized charity gala.
Sophie: You have ruined my life once before, and currently don’t treat me well. I would like to open with forgiveness.
Kevin: You are SMOTHERING me, Sophie!
Sidenote: I truly do feel for Kevin as he struggles with his addiction, but the fuckboy test draws clear lines. If you would not set a friend up on a date with this person for fear of how she would be treated, you’re probably dealing with a fuckboy. So you tell me: Is Kevin Pearson a fuckboy?
Finally: my #1 since day 1, Jack Pearson. Jack, like all true fuckboys, is very, very good when he’s good. Jack on a good day is filled with an endearingly manic need to make his family happy; on a bad day, he runs on equally breakneck speed toward their destruction, eyeing up secretaries and bringing a flask to work. Jack, even when well-intentioned, can be too wrapped up in the desire to solve his own latent daddy issues and have the PERFECT FAMILY RIGHT NOW, and this makes him vulnerable to overlooking the finer points of his family’s current needs (see: insistence on immediately having children, delivery room behavior, anything involving punching). What makes Jack Pearson such an infuriating fuckboy is how unbelievably happy he makes Rebecca, in between the bouts of screaming, drinking, and overriding her needs. But if you think about it, it’s exactly this kind of up-and-down that marks a fuckboy relationship? “Fireworks” are a thinly-veiled code for “rage issues,” and would the “spark” in this central Pearson relationship feel as strong if there weren’t always a tiny kernel of fear that he could fuck it up forever?
At the end of the day, I love each of these characters at least a little bit (but Randall most). But as any faithful viewer knows, any one of these men could be responsible for your next big cry (tonight on NBC at 9pm, can I have my money now?), and that makes every last one a fuckboy.