Yes kids, you read that title right. If you’re quarantined with your significant other (or your ex, or your Ship date—no judgment here), you’ve got little else to do than watch new Netflix shows, learn how to cook something, and try different sex positions. Oh, and I guess do some work while you’re supposed to be working from home. But since the good ol’ missionary position, quarantine blow jobs, and reverse cowgirl can get a little boring after like, day four, we rounded up the best positions based on your stars and planets. You’re so welcome.
Pisces: Good Ol’ 69
Congrats, Pisces, because the best position for you is of the oral variety. Since you tend to be very emotional and artistic, an oral position where both partners can get a little carried away is a great way to at least start things off. Hey, if you wanna leave it there and finish each other off that way, too, be my guest. Basically, lean in to a classic 69 position to have the most fun. Go sideways or one on top of the other—I shouldn’t have to paint the picture here; you should know what 69 looks (and feels) like at this point in your life.
Aries: Something In The Shower
Oh, Aries. You’re such a combative sign, which makes a position that can get a little rough the perfect choice for you. May we recommend a position in the shower, against a wall? Seems weird, but hear us out: since you seem to like competition, and this position requires some strength, determination, and the ability to not slip, you can treat it as a your very own personal Olympics. Climb that sh*t like a tree, and give it a solid five minutes of trying before you give up.
Taurus: Side Lying Laziness
As an earth sign, Taurus, we get that you just want to take all damn day when it comes to sexy time. Whether that means hours of foreplay or slowly taking your time, sex for you means connecting and being truly intimate with your partner. So, while you’re staying inside, may we recommend a side-facing position prime for lots of kissing, cuddling, and lazy sex? It’s perfect for while you’re both in your bathrobes and can’t be bothered to put on actual clothing.
Gemini: Kitchen Counter Encounter
Quick, dirty, and to the point seems to be the best bet for you when it comes to sex, Gemini. So, since you’re stuck in the house anyway, why not make use of the kitchen counter (disinfect before and after, please) and have a quickie with your SO? Sit on the counter and wrap your legs around your partner. That’ll make for sexy eye contact and some great dirty talk.
Cancer: Lazy Cowgirl
Oh, Cancer, you’re such a giver in the bedroom. Chances are, you already love to take your time with your partner, and the coronavirus is only making time even more of a social construct. That being the case, if it isn’t already your fav position, may we recommend the lazy cowgirl? Basically, you get on top, but instead of sitting up, lay down and ride that beast while making sure there’s lots of kissing, neck touching, and long, penetrating stares.
Leo: Legs Up
You’re such an attention whore, Leo, but we’re here for it. The best position for you to try is one that puts you in a show-off position for your partner, and what better way than a sort of riff on missionary with your legs over your partner’s shoulders? Yes, really. Lay on your back and have your partner crouch in front of your legs while you throw your legs over their shoulders. You’ll get to try out your sexy porn faces, lay on your back so you don’t have to do all the work, and you can easily incorporate toys in this position.
Virgo: Side Saddle
You’re kind of an emotional rollercoaster, Virgo, and that’s totally fine. It works to your advantage in the bedroom, since intimacy and communication roll over into sexy talk, sub/dom stuff, and letting your partner sort of take the lead. A great position to try is a side saddle option where you sit sideways on your partner, who sits with their legs out straight. You can both control the speed of things, arms are perfect for wrapping around each other’s necks and backs, and there’s plenty of face to face time.
Since you’re all for balance and trying new things, Libra, the best position to try is one that allows for easy change-ups of who’s in charge. May we suggest the octopus? You’ve probably done it without realizing, but this position lets you or your partner “steer”, so to speak. Basically, you can sit facing outwards on your partner’s lap (sort of like reverse cowgirl) and both you and your partner are sitting up. If your partner is penetrating from behind, you can touch yourself at the same time—or invite them to join in, too. This position is great for using those toys you’ve been too nervous to try, too.
You’re such a psycho, Scorpio, but we’re here for it. You love to be intense af and never miss an opportunity to get physical. It is, after all, a great way for you to connect on an emotional level with your partner (which explains why you tend to get super attached and send 85 texts when things are sorta over already). The position for you to lean into this quarantine week is of the scissoring variety. Basically, you and your partner sit back and form an X with your legs. Either of you can take charge or lay back and be dominated.
Ugh, does anyone actually like the name of this position? Regardless of how you feel about the name, Sagittarius, you tend to be a little outspoken and take advantage of positions that are bold and playful. So, the tried-and-true doggy style is perfect for you. You can invite some spanking, dirty talk, and hair-pulling for a position that can be taken just about anywhere. That’ll come in handy, since you’re going to be locked in the same space for two weeks.
You’re super focused on doing a good job, Capricorn, which seems to carry over into the bedroom. A steamy encounter for you is one where both of you have an amazing end-cap, and the lotus position can help with that. Basically, the giving partner sits cross-legged while the other sits on top, wrapping their legs around the bottom partner. The position makes for some truly deep sh*t, allows for eye contact, and sets you both up for amazing orgasms. Yay.
You love weird sh*t, Aquarius, which makes most sex positions kind of vanilla for you. For you, it isn’t so much about the position, but the location. We recommend a standing position anywhere other than the bedroom. Take it to the walk-in closet while you have guests over, or try to quietly get a quickie in during a commercial break in your powder room. Basically, just let the mood strike anywhere and go with it.
Images: Becca Tapert, Unsplash; Giphy (12)