Image Credit: Getty Images

These "TTPD" Lyrics Are Actually Gay As Fuck

Sure, Taylor Swift is now a billionaire, but she’s still relatable AF. She wrote a 31-song album for her month-long situationship. I’m not even exaggerating. Taylor and Matt Healy dated for like a month, and now the long-awaited The Tortured Poets Department everyone assumed would be about her SIX-YEAR RELATIONSHIP with Joe Alwyn is actually about a man that looks like a muppet. Let’s just say, this isn’t helping quell the gaylor theories.

Obviously, the LGBTQ+ community does not own situationship drama as a genre. Straight Swifties across Twitter are relating hard to the boy who ruined their life five summers ago and probably won’t remember their name. BUT it cannot be denied how every queer person must go through a hot and heavy situationship that lasts for two weeks that they will never get over. It’s cannon. And The Tortured Poets Department is giving the exact same energy. Is there anything gayer than yearning?! I think not!

I mean, sure, Matt Healy is technically a man. But! Don’t let bi-erasure and being totally delulu get in the way of this conspiracy. As a bisexual woman, I feel uniquely equipped to confirm he is the equivalent of a manic pixie dream girl. In the title track “TTPD,” Taylor compares him to a “tattooed Golden Retriever,” references his smoking habit, and admits he owns a goddamn typewriter. He’s the walking epitome of Tumblr core (aka bisexual culture). 

And then there are the lyrics: “At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger/ And put it on the one people put wedding rings on/ And that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” which one Twitter user described as “just your average lesbian situationship.”

Matty Healy is a manic pixie dream girl
Image Credit: Getty Images

And if that’s not enough to convince you, the song “loml” just screams U-Hauling: “You and I go from one kiss to getting married.” Not to mention, “It was legendary/ It was momentary” is precisely how I’d describe my mostly one-sided, two-week situationship with a girl who left my life years ago. IT STILL HAUNTS ME!

Speaking of haunting, “So High School” should come with a trigger warning for closeted queers: “Then pull me to the backsеat (Backseat) / No one’s evеr had me (Had me), not like you.” It’s giving queer pop icon Chappell Roan’s “Casual.” It’s giving the prom scene in The Miseducation of Cameron Post. It’s giving the homoerotic friendship who helped you “learn how to kiss.”

It’s clear The Tortured Poets Department is a queer album, even if Taylor didn’t intend it to be. BRB, while I write, “You’re the loss of my life” at the top of an old diary entry, and then call my therapist.

Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte
Melanie Whyte (she/her) leads the lifestyle and relationship content at Betches. As an amateur New Yorker and professional bisexual, she enjoys writing about the bane of sex and relationships in the city. She is also perpetually in her messy house era despite spending all of her money on Instagram ads.