Another Holiday At Home: Weekend Horoscopes July 3-5

Three cheers for America, fam! We’re number one in COVID cases, number one in having a very stable genius as a leader, and number one in people selfishly refusing to wear masks because YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY OUR FREEDOM (eagle screeches in background). This calls for a July 4th to remember; here’s to blowing your fingers off with fireworks. USA! USA! USA!

All kidding aside, though, we do hope that whatever the planets have in store for us this Independence Day weekend, you and your family, friends, and loved ones practice social distancing and responsibility. If you want to enjoy the holidays (yeah, the ones in December) at this point, then get your sh*t together and behave. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.


Health and wellness and not eating an entire bag of Cheetos in one sitting is the name of the game this weekend, Cancer. Self-care is a big mood Friday night through Saturday, so make feel good choices when it comes to your meals, outdoorsy routine, and alcohol level. Saturday night is prime time for romance, so either give in to that Tinder FaceTime date or schedule a Netflix, chill, and light S&M evening with your sweetie.


The moon in Sagittarius means things are looking up in the romance department, Leo. Schedule some time to browse the online dating world, or don a mask and pick up takeout from you and your beau’s fav local joint for an evening in. After loving and caring about someone else Friday night, make time for yourself on Saturday night. Whether it’s a bubble bath with a trashy novel thrown in for measure or sweats on the couch with reruns of Veep, you do you.


Embrace home, family, and attacking laundry this weekend, Virgo. You’ve kind of been in a bubble when it comes to your own nest, so take the time to tidy up after your final work Zoom call on Friday. Saturday presents a good opportunity to call your mom. The moon in Capricorn later Saturday night and into Sunday will set your creativity sensors off, so grab some sequins and go ruin a sweater.


Take advantage of the long weekend, Libra. Even if heading to the beach with your posse isn’t in the cards (srsly, don’t), go on a solo adventure, such as a long drive, a scenic hike, or an outdoor spot where you can relax while social distancing. On Saturday night, get domestic and attempt a recipe that truly scares you (just have GrubHub ready to go for when it ends up burnt and inedible).


What are you spending your money on these days, Scorpio? If this answer is Taco Bell and loungewear, check yourself on Friday night with a peeky-poo into your recent bills and receipts. It’s never too late to try and act like an adult. Saturday is for catching up with siblings and besties, then making plans for when the normal-times resume.


You’ll be feeling charming af this weekend, Sagittarius, but you’ll also be feeling a little sensitive. We’re talking more emo than a Hot Topic in 9th grade. But you’ll also be feeling perceptive, so it’s a good time to sit and examine your feelings about life, love, and social media while relaxing at home.


The moon in Sagittarius means you’ll be having some weird-ass dreams, Capricorn. Usually, we’d say ignore that sh*t and no, you don’t need to read into it, but maybe pay a little more attention this weekend. Saturday night and Sunday you’ll be feeling confident, so it’s a great time to start or pick back up on a project that had you frustrated last time around.


Friday you’ll be itching to reach out and help others, Aquarius. Since volunteering at many spots in person isn’t really on the table atm, check out some opportunities to foster a doggo or donate clothes and goods to people who actually need them. You aren’t going to fit into those jeans again—let it go, sis. After all those good deeds, treat yourself to something greasy and deep-fried on Saturday.


Feel out your emotions regarding your career this weekend, Pisces. Sure, your 9-to-5 was great in the COVID-before-times, but nowadays, the constant Zoom calls and lack of work-life balance are starting to get to you. Make a pros and cons list, update your resume, and peek around at some new opportunities. Or, like, just tell your boss you’re quitting and find someone to take care of you so you don’t have to work.


Set some goals and smash em this weekend, Aries. Like, if you’ve been putting off a DIY project (like painting the guest room), or pushing off getting in shape, this is the time to go at it. The sun in Cancer and full moon (plus some other planets) are all lining up to help you get sh*t done, so take advantage.


It’s prime time to get intimate, Taurus, so grab your partner, light some candles, and get into some weird (but like, cute) stuff on Friday night. It doesn’t have to be all sex and new positions, either. Hold hands and walk the neighborhood at dusk, or watch a nice (see: not violent or based on serial killers) documentary on Saturday night. If you’re able to take a long car ride or safely wander a cute town, the planets are cool with that sh*t, too.


It’s a lovely weekend to connect with your loved ones, Gemini. You’ll be feeling extra compassionate, so instead of yelling at your SO about his not emptying the dishwasher correctly, you’ll be all about cuddling, letting them pick what to watch on Hulu, and even agreeing on what to order for dinner.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson