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My Official Pitches For Sabrina Carpenter's 'SNL' "Nonsense" Outro

I managed to gatekeep Sabrina Carpenter for about seven years, but unfortunately for me, the girls have finally discovered her and made her a Main Pop Girlie. (So thrilled they’ve done the same to Chappell Roan and Renee Rapp. Yay.) Given her newfound approaching-A-list stardom, I won’t be able to afford any more Sabrina concert tickets, so I’ll have to settle for catching her late night TV performances. Honestly though, I’m SO excited for the “Espresso” queen to make her Saturday Night Live debut. The mini blonde has a five-octave vocal range, dance training, and a very effective Irish muse named Barry Keoghan. She knows how to write a bop and put on a damn good show. Plus, Jake Gyllenhaal’s hosting, so maybe she can get Tall Blondie’s scarf back.

We’re all thinking the same thing: What’s Sabrina’s SNL “Nonsense” outro gonna be? Well, I actually don’t have to ask that question because I’ve come up with every possible answer myself. And I happen to think my ideas are rather genius and hilarious. Here are my theories about Sabrina’s upcoming performance and my official pitches for her SNL-themed “Nonsense” outro. Call me, Sab.


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Which Songs Will Sabrina Carpenter Perform On SNL?

My educated guesses are “Nonsense” and “Espresso.” She couldn’t possibly go on SNL and NOT do an iconic “Nonsense” outro. And fans and celebs alike are already calling “Espresso” the song of the summer, so that’s a given. Hey, ya never know… maybe she’ll sing “Skin” just to be a little messy. JK, JK, just because Joshua Bassett is singing about his Olivia-Sabrina love triangle drama again doesn’t mean we should all rehash it. Protect your peace, people.

My Official Pitches For Sabrina Carpenter’s SNL “Nonsense” Outro

  • He said please come over I said hell no / I’m too busy serving me espresso / Maybe after I crush SNL though
  • Yes, I’m a huge fan of “All Too Well” / But this opportunity is too swell / Jake I’ll have to fight you after SNL 
  • Swifties, please don’t sound the death knell / Believe me I am in Jake Gyllenhell / But I’ll do anything for SNL
  • He eats me out like I’m Irish soda bread / I told him good work now you can go to bed / He said nah I’ll watch SNL instead
  • “That’s that me espresso” is my slogan / It works real well on Barry Keoghan / SNL you’re sexy like my Irishman

Sabrina Carpenter’s Actual SNL Outro

Stay tuned to see “Nonsense” (SNL Version) when Sabrina makes her SNL debut on May 18! She’s not gonna play around at 30 Rock, so it will probably be her most memorable one yet.

Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost
Ilana Frost is an entertainment writer at Betches. As a teenage girl in her twenties, she spends her time stanning Olivia Rodrigo, baking cakes for award shows, and refusing to ever leave her Reputation era.