Riding The Second Wave: Weekend Horoscopes June 26-28

Welcome to Cancer season, where everything’s made up, rules don’t matter, and emotional instability is like, so hot right now. Since Americans have kind of decided that COVID is not a threat anymore (newsflash: it is), maybe you can spend this weekend pressuring your parents to cancel their trip to Florida, or trying to convince your brother that, yes, masks are still a required part of his day-to-day. Hooray for the new normal, guys!


It’s all about communication and knowledge this weekend, Cancer. So, communicate that you want pizza and know that with the right attitude, that wish may come true. Saturday is prime time to focus on home and family, so have a socially distanced barbecue with the fam or watch television via Zoom with your mom. She lives for that sh*t.


Check out your budget, Leo. It’s a good thing to check in with your own finances, and the stars are pressuring you to do just that on Saturday. Time to face facts and admit that, yeah, you bought a lot of stupid sh*t in quarantine. Additionally, the moon in Libra will mean that you’ll be in a good headspace to learn some things, so maybe watch some YouTube videos on how to manage your money or check out r/personalfinance.


You’ll be craving some alone time Friday night into Saturday morning, Virgo, so plan accordingly and order an embarrassing amount of takeout to be enjoyed in your very grossest pair of sweats. You’re living your best life. Literally everyone will piss you off this weekend, so just keep that in mind before interacting with other humans.


Sleep is in the cards this weekend, Libra, so snuggle up, put your phone on silent, and nap like the champ you are. Saturday afternoon and Sunday should be reserved for Zoom gatherings (still a thing) where you can each sit outside, drink, and pretend you’re soaking up each other’s awesomeness in real life.


The moon in Virgo is pushing you to lean on your friends this weekend, so find an outdoor patio and maybe grab some brunch if that’s allowed where you are. Maybe have too many mimosas and get sunburned in honor of being outside again. These are just jumping off points. Use Sunday to relax at home with a good book, that candle you’ve been waiting to burn for a special occasion, and your S.O.


How are you feeling about your job these days, Sagittarius? Like, are you enjoying working from home or are you completely disillusioned with the whole thing and wondering how you can make six figures while doing nothing? If it’s the latter, update your resume and search around for some side gigs this weekend. Reserve Sunday for mild chores and solitary cooking adventures. The Mars and moon combo will have you feeling super irritable, so it’s best to avoid other human beings.


The planets are all, “have an adventure, Capricorn.” You’re like, “that’s not really socially responsible, though.” With that in mind, have an adventure that’s, you know, allowed. Walk around a different area of your neighborhood, order food from a restaurant that you haven’t tried before, sh*t like that. Saturday night and Sunday you may feel a little anxious and on edge, so it’s best to stick close to home, call your mom, and make her tell you how great you are.


Partnership is the name of the game this weekend, Aquarius. But don’t feel bad if you’re single—literally any activity involving a friend, family member, or coworker is going to go swimmingly, thanks to whatever juju the stars are bringing up. Attack a DIY project, attempt jogging, or make some weird artwork. The moon in Libra on Saturday will have you itching to travel, so maybe start looking into that trip you were supposed to take this summer but had to push back.


It’s all about romance this weekend, Pisces. Grab your S.O. and try something different in the bedroom on Friday night. Maybe it’s finally time to break out those fuzzy handcuffs and that lube you ordered when you were drunk. If you’re single, maybe it’s time to wade into that whole dating apps-during-COVID thing and FaceTime a potential mate. Hey, if it goes horribly, you can always fake a bad connection and hang up. Saturday and Sunday are great for joint ventures, so grab a friend (in person or via FaceTime) and split a bottle of wine, come up with a new business idea, both, whatever you’re into.


It’s all about being healthy af, Aries. The quaran-times have given you a solid opportunity to try some new, health-focused living, like not only living off of iced coffee, yoga (meaning actual yoga and not napping in weird positions), and walking for reasons other than to get to the bar. So go for a bike ride, do some pilates outside, or eat something other than Cheetos this weekend.


Fun times, Taurus. You’ll be feeling the need to do something out of the ordinary, so I guess Netflix and sweatpants are off the schedule for once. Maybe you eat lunch outside, try on all the clothes you think don’t fit you anymore, or challenge yourself to eat all the produce in your fridge before it goes bad. It’s all about thinking outside the box.


You’re gonna be feeeeelin’ yourself this weekend, Gemini. Don’t be surprised if you’re attracting everyone and everything Friday night. You can’t help it that you’re so popular. Sunday is great for getting over yourself and doing some clean up around your abode. Maybe you can finally address the pile of clothes on “the chair” in your room? Or at least wash the loungewear you’ve been wearing all week.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson