Here’s a reason to feel superior to the rest of humanity today: It’s been scientifically proven that people who brag about being fit on Facebook are literally psycho. Let me be clear: I’m not about criticizing anyone for working on their bikini body so masses of beachgoers don’t flee the scene when they take off their shirt—in fact, I thank you. What I do have a problem with is the people who won’t fucking stop talking about it. Not sure if you fit the bill? Here’s a hint: if you’ve ever posted a status, tweet, Snapchat, whatever using the words “gains,” “progress,” “fit life,” or other variations, I’m talking to you. Although you’d think it would be obvious, people keep making statuses about their fitness routines all the goddamn time even though not a single human being cares. And now we have legitimate reasons to be concerned for your mental health.
According to science, we’re totally justified in our hatred of anyone who brags about getting up early to go for a light 15K. In a study published last fall, researchers at Brunel University in London decided to analyze what could possibly motivate this kind of person, and apparently, it’s old-fashioned narcissism.
The study asked 555 Facebook users about their reasons for making statuses and measured stuff like narcissism, personality traits, and self-esteem. When researchers compared the psychological shit and motivations, they found that—surprise!—the kind of person who posts too many gym selfies is a burden on humanity and should be shipped off into space. I might be reading a little between the lines here, but you’ll see what I mean in just a moment.
According to researchers, #fitness lovers tend to be more narcissistic, and their main goal is literally to brag about their looks and self-discipline. And probably to make the rest of us feel like shit in comparison—because, again, they’re psychopaths—though researchers didn’t say that explicitly.
What’s even worse is that for some unfathomable reason, these gym posts also get more likes and comments than other kinds—maybe because our only option is to stress the posters out with an avalanche of notifications? Maybe for the same reasons we tell children their artwork is good? Reasoning TBD. But anyone with a functioning brain stem can tell you that all this does is validate their need for attention. In other words, if you’re liking before and after ab selfies or the dreaded thirsty squat pic, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
I’ll leave you with a PSA: Please, for the love of God, stop feeding the narcissists. And if you’re the type of person who posts about it every time you go for a fucking run, kindly toss your phone into the nearest body of water. It’s for your own good.
