Taank tops, rise! After a rocky start, Jessel Taank has officially won the first season of the new era of The Real Housewives of New York City, emerging as a fan favorite with her own spread in Rolling fucking Stone. She may have rubbed her cast mates the wrong way initially, but by the finale, Jessel really hit her stride with her “I literally can’t be bothered” attitude (that’s how British people talk, right?), and in the reunion, she did not come to play. Guess that book of notes was a good idea, after all!
I can’t be the only one who would love to see her and Pavit on a spin-off, and I’ve done Bravo the trouble of coming up with a few ideas:
The Amazing Mileage Race
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Low-hanging fruit, yes, but also very real. In this game-show-meets-travel-show, Jessel and Pavit will have to jet around the world for absurdly short periods of time, all in the name of hitting their mileage thresholds. Along the way, they’ll give their best tips and tricks, and Pavit, “Chairman of the Fried Chicken Committee,” will share the best places to eat for when you have 12 hours to spend in Bali or the ideal bathroom to spend a quick hour in the Australian airport before you have to hop right back on your flight back to the U.S., but it was worth it, because points!!
The Real Parents of New York City
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Okay, so sending your kid to a private school whose yearly tuition costs that of a masters program (I would know, I pay off my loans) isn’t exactly the “real” New York City. But also… it kind of is? In this extreme game show, the Taanks would have to transport their twins to multiple locations throughout the city… without a nanny. Or an Uber. *Pauses for dramatic gasp* And they say it can’t be done!
Couples Therapy with Jessel and Pavit
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The thing about Jessel and Pavit is that you can tell they were friends before they got married — like actually, and not in the way every couple that’s hanging on by a thread says “I married my best friend” on their wedding day. They have the kind of banter everyone on Hinge says they’re looking for. For now they seem like the shining light of a happy, adjusted couple. Please Pavit don’t fuck this up for us. Anyway, that’s why they should host a couples therapy spin-off! I imagine they’ll be able to offer such gems of advice as, “Have you tried telling your husband he’s a dodo?” And “to spice up your marriage, put on some sexy lingerie, but make sure your husband laughs at it.” Let’s put the fates of a few struggling unions in their hands.
The Fried Chicken Society
It’s Dead Poets Society meets Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives meets Kitchen Nightmares, where Pavit goes around to various chicken restaurants throughout New York City and uses unorthodox methods to help the chefs improve their dishes. O, Chef, my chef!
Four Weddings
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Yes I’m aware that this is very much an actual show, and the more weddings I go to lately, the more often I email TLC begging them to bring it back. But think about if these two were permanent judges on Four Weddings? Their wedding was good enough to be in Vogue, and we know Jessel knows how to plan an event. And we know that if you get enough Scotches in Pavit, he says incredibly bitchy things. Can you imagine them judging some woman in middle America’s Fourth of July themed wedding, or — god forbid — mason jars? Get me Andy and a camera now.
