New Solstice, Who Dis? Weekly Horoscopes Dec. 21-25

Happy shortest day of 2020! That’s definitely something to celebrate. And that’s not all, kids! This Monday is also The Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter, a cosmic event that occurs once every 20 years. This year, Saturn and Jupiter will meet in Aquarius for the first time in over one hundred years, sending off major humanitarian vibes, and bringing in a new season of progress and human creativity. Oh, and did I mention it’s Capricorn season? The heavens really are doing *the most* right now.


You’re being your best solstice self this week and you’ve got the inbox to prove it. Don’t ignore work opportunities that come your way just because it’s Chirstmas Eve’s Eve. With Capricorn’s energy in your corner, you might find yourself squeaking out a few last-minute 2020 goals, or getting a jumpstart on 2021. ‘Tis the season!


An LDR? In this economy? With the Sun in Capricorn, you may feel yourself pulled toward long-distance alliances, i.e. you suddenly have the urge to call your high school friend who moved to Europe and ask her what it’s like there. Between Capricorn’s influence and the solstice, you’re looking to expand your horizons, and yes, that does include changing your location range on the apps. Who knows? ‘Tis the season for matching with a guy on Ship, only to find out he’s really the prince of a small Scandinavian nation!


The solstice means some major rebirth for you, Gemini. Can you handle it? With Capricorn chilling in your house of intimacy and strong emotions, things are about to get reality-TV-level messy for a little while. Resist the urge to tell people they smell like hospital, and for the love of God, don’t attend your frememy’s Met Gala themed luncheon unless you can behave yourself. It’s not worth the free Airpods.


I regret to inform you, Cancer, that you’ve tested positive…for the holiday spirit! (I’m so sorry.) With the Sun in Capricorn, you want nothing more than to go hard on your closest relationships and show the people who have been there for you during this hell year exactly how much you care. I guess what I’m saying is: you’re gonna feel the urge to make baked goods. Lots and lots of baked goods.


Thank goddess for Capricorn, because it’s the only reason you’re going to be able to finish your pre-holiday workload this week. The new celestial season is giving you just enough of a boost in motivation to finish that one thing you have to get done before the holidays (aka the hardest task in the world to complete), meaning you’ll be able to actually relax next week instead of frantically drafting “sorry for the delayed response!” emails to your entire inbox. A holiday miracle!


Well, aren’t you just the star on top of the Christmas tree! This week the Sun sweeps into Capricorn and you sweep into your best goddamn self. So what, there are no holiday parties!?! New Year’s Eve be damned! You’re bringing the shiny, sequined, NYE vibes to everyone you encounter this week, even if that’s just your boyfriend and your cat.


Winter solstice? Capricorn season? That can mean only one thing: comfy time. Bust out your fancy sweatpants (you know the ones), light an overpriced candle, and get under your gravity blanket, because you are all about the cozy home vibes until at least 2021. Pretty convenient if you live in on of the many places in the U.S. where you are legally required to remain indoors. They won’t have to tell you twice!


The holidays plus Capricorn’s influence are making you feel super social these days, which can be tricky in this time of limited socializing. But don’t worry! Focus on quality time with the people you do see, even small interactions throughout the day. Just don’t bother your Postmate for too long. They’re at work.


The sun’s journey through Capricorn means that now is the perfect time to sit down and write out those 2021 goals, even if the only one you’re sure of right now is “not cry every day.” This week you’re able to look to the future with a clear view, knowing full well that the goals you set now are totally allowed to change. Especially if there’s like, a global pandemic or something.


Welcome to your season, Capricorn! You are mildly enthused. With the sun in your sign, you are fully on your Capricorn game, closing out the year on fire while everyone else is on their couch. Just don’t forget to focus on the true reason for the season: your birthday.


A Great Conjunction?!? In your sign?!?! Things are about to get weird as f*ck. Being that you are already attuned to the humanitarian vibes, don’t be surprised if you feel the energetic shift this week more than most. Listen to your intuition, and if you have any weird dreams, write that sh*t down. Or at the very least give a detailed account to the group chat.


Hello, Pisces? Earth to Pisces? Whether you’re technically on the clock or not, you will be mentally OOO starting with the winter solstice on Monday. Blame it on the…everything. Try not to let other people on social media let you feel bad for mentally checking out the last week of 2020. They’re actually the crazy ones.

Images: Boxed Water Is Better / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.